(Closed) Anyone else getting tired of the questions from family and friends?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

I have friends that ask every time we talk! Fortunately, my family hasn’t gotten to that point yet– just discussing it amongst themselves, lol. Unfortunately, I made the BIG mistake of telling people in August that we would be getting married in summer 2012, and thus getting engaged soon. I so wish I could take it back! Although, on the other hand… maybe everyone is so confused about what’s going on that they’re keeping quiet haha… for now. 

I feel sad that you have to dread family functions 🙁 I have friends that go through similar ordeals every holiday, etc. It honestly somewhat baffles me that people feel ok asking such an intensely personal question.

Post # 4
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

oh yeah. I get it all the time!! Every time I come back to work from a trip or a Holiday, the first thing my Co-workers do is look at my hand. My SO is a store manager for Publix, so whenever we go to different Publix’s together, all his friends/employees that he knows go “When are you two gonna get married?” and of course I always just want to shout “I’M FREAKING READY!!!!”

Post # 5
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes!!  It’s so annoying! Especially when I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for him to propose!  I’ve been lucky enough to have parents that never ask such things, but all of my friends (mostly married) can’t seem to get over the fact that we aren’t engaged.  My boss even asked me the other day why my boyfriend and I weren’t engaged.  So unprofessional and rude.  I can’t imagine ever asking someone such a personal question, and I don’t understand why people think it’s okay. 

Sometimes, depending on the person who is asking, I just laugh and say “wow, that’s a really inappropriate question!”  It makes them uncomfortable and then they don’t ask again.  But I understhat that at family functions, it frequently isn’t as acceptable to be that snarky.  Maybe come up with a polite response to tell people in advance, so that you don’t snap and say “I DON’T KNOW WHEN WE’RE GETTING MARRIED, OKAY?!!!! @%$&@*##!!!!”

To make myself feel better about it, I just remind myself that I know we’ll be getting engaged someday soon, and they don’t, so it’s like a little secret that they aren’t in on.  It makes “playing dumb” about it a little more fun (or at least less uncomfortable).  I also try and imagine how suprised everyone will be when I finally tell them we’re engaged.  I know it’s silly, but it takes the edge off for me!

Post # 6
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

No one ever asks me and I kind of wish they would 😉 grass is always greener ahaha

Post # 7
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Yes!! I avoided it during thanksgiving, but there’s no way to avoid it for Christmas. Especially since my SO is the last of the older cousins to not be married.

Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yes, I hate when people ask questions like that too!  I used to think it was cute in the beginning, but after a couple more years of those questions, it’s not so cute anymore. My Grandma constantly asks me what the hold up is and even sent my SO a Valentine’s Day card this year and in it she wrote “When are you going to put a ring on my little girl’s finger.”

I actually don’t mind as much when people only ask my SO. HAHA.  Last weekend one of our friends quietly said to SO (within earshot of me) “So, are you planning on asking her soon?” My boyfriend just stared at him and didn’t say anything, but gave a slight nod. The friend than said “Don’t leave it too long. Seriously.”  Awwww, I absolutely loved that SO’s good guy friend sincerely cares about us that much.

Post # 10
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes!! I hate this question.. Do they really think I would keep my engagement a secret and not tell anyone? They will all know when it happens.. Geez!!

@dewdrop086: oooh!! That’s exciting!

Post # 11
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

*RAISES HAND*

I’m soo sick of being questioned… not necessarily by friends/family, but mostly by coworkers. I have one who asks me every single time I see her, and I see her every single day! I told her politely that she’ll be one of the first to know when it happens, so until then, just assume it hasn’t haha. 

Though lately I have noticed one exceptionally annoying thing that has now been added to the ‘why aren’t you engaged/why hasn’t he proposed yet/when are you getting engaged’ questions…

People (including his family a bit) are now starting to make comments where it’s like they are assuming I am either anti-marriage, don’t believe in it,  or don’t want to get married at all. And of course, that must be the reason why we aren’t engaged yet – that we don’t care. It is so beyond aggravating. I didn’t realize there was a time limit, and that clearly if I’m not engaged by the 5 year mark of dating, that I must hate the idea of marriage. Wtf. Have any of you had this happen?!

It was funny, last night my SO and I were with his family… and his aunt brought up his sister’s engagement. Then all of a sudden, his brother’s girlfriend gets talking about how annoying the questions are. I was dancing inside, I was so thankful haha. I’m not the only one! Then we had a little discussion about how annoying the questions are, she even flat out asked both our SOs if they get questioned like we do. Both said no. She then went on to talk about how they don’t know what it’s like, it’s terrible, etc. It was entertaining. I briefly mentioned how frustrating it was, especially now, with how it’s like because we passed a certain amount of time, people are starting to assume we just don’t want to get married at all. 

All I know is, I still want to be excited when he finally proposes. And I want my friends/family to be excited for me… rather than just being like “finally! it’s about time!” or “oh so you guys did decide to take the plunge afterall” or some bs comments like that. 

Sorry for my rambling ladies! :-/

 

Post # 12
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It can get annoying, but it comes more from close family and friends… and I know it’s not just them being nosy but it’s more like, they’re looking out for me. They know how important an engagement and a marriage is to me, and since they are all on good terms with my SO, it’s sort of like, what are your intentions? If there is a timeline and I share that with them (like, soon, we’ve been discussing it!) then I think they tend to back off.  Otherwise, it’s like, they’re just making sure I’m not waiting around on someone for something that will never happen. I hope that makes sense.

Post # 13
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Just so you know, getting a ring won’t change anything. When you are engaged, you will  get 29837 questions about the wedding, asking about costs, why are you spending so much/so little, or even blatantly judging your choices – like I found all of DH’s female relatives doing last year while I played with their kids. Apparently I was a horrible person for not having my sister in the wedding despite them not knowing my sister or our relationship.

Once you get married they’ll start asking when you’re having a baby, how many babies are you going to have -and if you get pregnant – how are you doing this, why are you doing that? We’ve been married six months, and despite SIL expecting in a month, I’ve been asked no less than 12 times when we’re having a baby -even one person telling me I needed to ‘eat more’ so I could be next. O_o

It never ends!

Post # 14
Member
4476 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sick of being asked this!  If I didn’t want to be engaged months ago, I wouldn’t mind it so much, but it’s really insensitive when people ask that and some of them know I want to be engaged already.  A few people have stopped asking me because they’ve decided it’ll never happen.  My mom’s actually started encouraging me to start seeing other people.  It sucks, it’s rude, and it’s nobody’s business.  Next time someone asks me about it I’ll tell them they’ll know when I know, and that’ll be when it happens.  

@authentic:  His brother’s girlfriend sounds awesome for having the balls to call everyone out on it!

Post # 15
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Ms. Darko: “My Grandma constantly asks me what the hold up is and even sent my SO a Valentine’s Day card this year and in it she wrote “When are you going to put a ring on my little girl’s finger.”” hahahaha I almost wish I had a grandma like that!!!

Post # 16
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

@Ohhavok: Coworkers are THE WORST.  At my last job, anytime I went on a vacation, I got grilled about if this is it, and they’d all ask once I got back.  I started feeling so ashamed when I had to tell them “no, not engaged…”.  They also started this after we’d been dating for like, just a few months, so it was a little ridiculous.

My coworker at my current job asked if “this Christmas is the Christmas” and I was like… No… probably not.  He replied by saying he’ll probably get engaged before me, and he’s been dating his girlfriend for like, 3 months!  Geesh.  Luckily my family isn’t too bad about it…  but now I’m getting a little worried!

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