(Closed) Anyone else go dancing without DH?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I used to swing dance all the time before I was dating Darling Husband.  When we started dating, I’d still go, but it dropped off considerably.  Now, I barely go at all.  I actually went a couple weeks ago and it was SO.MUCH.FUN.  I realized how much I missed it and how much I wish Darling Husband was a dancer!  

But, I also knew that going into the marriage…. meaning, I realized that by picking Darling Husband, it would mean doing that few and far between.

I don’t have the issue of Darling Husband being upset when I want to go without him.  I actually am the opposite and feel like I don’t want to go without him.

He was a good sport and went with me once – took a lesson, etc.  I think he understands that it’s an environment where people aren’t trying to hook up.

The fact that your Darling Husband is texting you all the time to me means he’s worried about you and there are trust/insecurity issues.  I think if you focus on those and the deeper fear that is there and have some honest conversations about it – it may help things on the long run.

That’s not to say you’ll necessarily get your way – but I think it wiil help things in general.  It is nice that he acknowledges your love of dance and he wants you to go (at least in his head) – his heart just has to catch up to the fact that you love him and are coming home to him.

 

Post # 4
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I also would go out dancing w/o my husband before we were married – but after we were married, we talked about dancing w/ other men and how he feels about it.

What we decided on, is that for “booty shaking music” I would not dance with other guys, but if we went say, country dancing he was okay with me dancing with guys because its not as up close and personal. However, becuase I do love to dance, we have taken lessons and now we cut loose on the dancefloor 🙂

Your situation sounds like a catch 22, because he doesn’t really want to dance, but isn’t telling you not dance with other man, and if he did, that would mean you couldn’t go dancing…..so 1 of 2 things needs to happen, he needs to learn, or, you two need to talk openly and honestly about how dancing w/o him is going to work.

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have been out dancing without Darling Husband, but only for bachelorette parties and Bday parties (girl only). If it were a regular thing I think he might be uncomfortable and I wouldn’t blame him because I would feel the same way about him. Do you think there’s any way you can partner up with someone who is not attracted to women, either another woman or a man? That might ease him on it a little.

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Why don’t you invite him out with you to watch? That way he can see that its not something he needs to worry about. We used to go to the clubs a lot when we were younger, but thankfully we both got bored of it around the same time. I would love to learn how to swing dance or something fun like that, but I know he wouldn’t go for it

Post # 7
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What kind of dancing is the OP talking about? Like lessons or at a club?

I go to clubs all the time without Darling Husband and I think it’s okay. I make a point not to dance with other men though, but occasionally I will. I’m a good dancer and I’ve met a few other guys who are good dancers too and just want to dance (not hook up, lol).

Post # 8
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve sent Darling Husband out dancing without me, I have tedonitis in my knees and hypermobile patellas- swing kind of requires knees that don’t wig out with each pivot.

However- we have an agreement that we don’t blues dance with anyone else, at least strict blues. Swingy blues is kind of okay.

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you all need to talk about trust and security.  I’d have no problem with my SO doing something like this with someone else– it’s not like you’re trying to date the guys or getting super physical on the dance floor?  If he’s not willing/wanting to dance with you, why can’t you go out and have a little fun and get some exercise?  

I agree with having him coming out and watching you dance.  He’ll see that it’s not a big deal and maybe he’ll make some friends with the other people there!

Post # 10
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s OK to have your own hobbies.

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I do it all the time. I’m a salsa dancer primarily but I do swing as well. I don’t see any reason to be more committed when married than now (engaged). I’m committed to in the same way after marriage I will not be restricted more because of marriage. It’s single vs. not single (IMO) not married vs. not married. I haven’t been single in 5 years, and I haven’t acted like it.

Blah, all that said… boundaries will not change.

So… I will go dancing as much as I do now… Which is about once a month for several hours. I’m not sure about your guy, and his particular insecurities. But I explained that I have zero interest other than enjoying my hobby. I enjoy dancing manily with people who are semi experienced (and like you guy, mine isn’t and wouldn’t enjoy becoming…) I go out, get my dancing fix and come home to him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Post # 12
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You should be able to do whatever you want without Darling Husband.  My goodness, they are not our siamese twins.  Live your life girl! 

Post # 13
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I used to go out without Darling Husband all the time dancing, I do all types of ballroom.   Darling Husband used to teach but has forgotten most of it.  I don’t mind going out without him, but I do have a rule of no batchata (sp?).  I haven’t been out so much in the last two years, but that is more because of cashola.  I can’t wait to start going out dancing again in the next few months.  Darling Husband knows that I have very strict boundries and I don’t let people tromp on them, shoot, I punched a guy once when Darling Husband was working out of town.  The fool tried to grind up on me during a salsa – who does that!?  I don’t think he will do it to me again, haha.

Post # 14
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@tksjewelry: Oh yes, very important! I will do batchata… but I am selective to my partners. It’s all in the “creeper” vibe and it’s not cut and dry. Fat old men can get right in there if there’s no creep vibe and they are dancing with a certain level of professionalism. But young, hot, honry men won’t get very close at all… I tell him horror stories of me being a “bitch” saying no thanks to men, and if persistant will say no thank you, I don’t enjoy being felt up on the dance floor. So he knows I hold my ground with the *few* perverts who are there.

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you love it as much as you say, I think out of necessity you need to. Goodluck, be strong, and stand your ground. In time you should be able to meet dance friends! I did 🙂

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