Post # 17
I think you should go because she is family, period. It’s not unreasonable for family members to expect other family members to be supportive by just showing up, IMO. You have valid concerns, but sometimes you need to just ignore the criticisms, and be the better person, because overall its what’s best. After all, it’s only going to be a few hours of your time. And later in your niece/nephew’s life, you might wish you had been involved and supportive from the beginning because that baby won’t always be a baby!
Post # 18
- Wedding: October 2019 - LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000
I’m not doing a baby shower, I’m doing a “sip n see” after the baby is born, where we’ll have a nice buffet, play NO cheesy baby games (because baby will already be here!), hopefully make some iron-on onesies for me to use, and instead of being warned how awful horrible not so great labor and having a newborn will be everyone will just say nice things and tell me how great the baby and I both look!
I would have dreaded a baby shower, but I’m really looking forward to the Sip n’ See!
Post # 19
Well, you asked for opinions and I don’t think you will like mine- there are certain things that you do for family and friends and showers are one of them.
Believe me, I hate, hate, hate showers of all kinds, but if the person (or person that they are married to, or siblings with) is important to me, I suck it up and go and at least look like I am having a good time (and usually I do end up having fun).
I understand feeling left out of the mommy club, but I think it is a little selfish to look for a way to get out of a shower for your SIL- this is something she will remember a long time from now. It is a party for her after all.
Think up diversion answers for those awkward questions that rude people ask, be a smart ass!
Post # 20
honestly, I have been far more bored by the wedding showers I have been to than the baby showers!! I would much rather talk about someone’s new kid than wedding dresses and invitations 🙂
in any event, you should go. this is family, its your brother’s kid. Its fine to skip out on all the others, but this one is important!
Post # 21
I hate baby showers. They are excruciating. I refused to have a shower with either of my daughters.
That being said, when someone I’m related to or close to does have one, I suck it up. Decide how important your relationship with the mother to be is, and go from there. It could be a character building experience for you.
I love the idea of a co-ed shower when husband & I get pregnant (bc there’s no way I’m getting out of a shower this time). Honestly if I have to deal with all that, and NOT have a cocktail, husband better be there to listen to me bitch in his ear.
Post # 22
@Guitargirl–I am really seeing a trend in your threads lately. It makes me wonder if you are still trying to figure out where you stand on the issue of having kids and maybe this is making you a little over sensitive to other people’s kid issues.
I think some of it is justified, ie people have no right to hassle you about when and if you are having children, but some of it might be a little unjustified. This is your SIL and your future niece/ nephew that you are talking about here. You owe it to them to be supportive of them, show up, and be happy for them.
I hope that you find a way to not let the children issue both you so much. It would be a shame to let a bad attitude ruin your future relationship with your niece/ nephew and then regret that later on.
Post # 23
I completely agree with derbybride!!
This is your neice or nephew, are you not at all excited about that? I do feel bad for you about being harrassed about having a baby, and honestly being selfish is a great reason for not having a baby (you want to live your life for now, and that is 100% ok). But in this situation, IMO you are being really selfish! this is not about you, this is about your SIL. but if you cant suck it up and try to have a good time, i would say dont go, you will ruin everyone elses time which is even more selfish
Post # 24
wow – so many thoughts.
Overall – since it’s your SIL – I say suck it up and go. I’d think of some pat answers for any questions that are thrown your way that may have a little humor involved – and not get defensive. Families just love babies. When people used to ask me I’d say something like “Well we can’t agree on whether we’d find out or keep the gender a seceret – so until we can come to a decision on that – no babies” (Which we STILL can’t agree on!) or “We’re not ready to stop being selfish yet” or “We’ve got some other goals planned first”.
Or you could flat out be like ‘You know it’s up to hubby and I to decide when we’re ready for that step and right now we’re not. We’d really appreciate it if folks stopped bugging us. When we’re ready – we’ll have babies. Not now’ 🙂 And maybe you wouldn’t have to deal with this everytime you are around them.
I’m not into showers either. I didn’t have one for my wedding. I did do a lake weekend with my closest gals – but to me that wasn’t a shower 🙂 I’m trying to figure out how to ‘not have a baby shower’ but a couple of my friends have already said let us do ‘something’. So I’m trying to figure out what that is. Maybe just another girls night with pedicures or something. (I don’t have family local) I am ok with the ‘sip n see’ idea and will probably do that in my hometown so my family and all my mom’s friends can meet the baby.
My friends did have an ‘Ooo Baby Baby…’ party a couple years ago. Co-Ed. In the evening. Really a cocktail party with ‘baby’ stuff around. They served punch out of a baby potty – which was hilarious! It totally fit their personality and was fun for everyone!! You’ll laugh at the invite….
See this link: http://tinyurl.com/a6fwy (Things You Don’t Expect to See on a Baby Shower Announcement.)
And then here’s the text of the invite…..
In lieu of a standard baby shower, we’d like you to come raise a martini toast to celebrate the upcoming arrival of baby-chew(ette?) …and more importantly, help us celebrate our waning days of irresponsibility and freedom (sniff – we’ll miss you last-minute road trip! Good-bye 11 hours of sleep).
We’d also like to take a moment to set the expectations correctly: Don’t expect young kids or diaper games, but be prepared for childish behavior and perhaps a FUN game or two. The more sausage the better, but we won’t be serving dinner. In the spirit of birth, we considered clothing-optional hot tubbing as an activity, but decided our hot tub was too small, so you can leave your towels at home (sorry!). For directions, look at a map. We recommend this one: (removed) You’re welcome to park in the driveway (stack cars), but please don’t park on VA Street or in neighbors’ parking pads. If you don’t like Martinis or Beer, BYOB. Please RSVPeePee. Oh… and Stephanie, you’re not invited, bitch.
(7 out of 10 ain’t bad, huh? http://tinyurl.com/a6fwy)
Post # 25
I have noticed in a lot of these posts mentioning that the OP may regret not going later in life, or that the SIL will be crushed and remember this, etc. Do people really put that much stock in a 2 hour brunch-y party? Honestly, I would think that if the mom was on board with the shower (and not pressured into it), then she would really just want people there that were as excitable about babies. And if she did want huge numbers, does that just mean more presents? the OP is still going to send a gift. Win-win, no?
I personally was not sad to see no RSVPs to our wedding shower/engagement party thing – of course it would have been nice to see everyone, but it was hard enough giving the people there my individual attention. I would hope that the SIL wouldn’t hold on to bad feelings b/c of attendence at a baby shower. One of possibly a few.
ETA: i reread this, and i think it could come off snarky but i didn’t mean it that way. honestly wondering about others’ attachments to these parties, because I’m not as sentimental I guess.
Post # 26
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I think the distance is actually your best reason for not going. I would just send a gift!