(Closed) Anyone else hate bachelor parties?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee

To be honest, I stopped reading when you said he did coke. WTF?

You said you were ok with him using marijuana, alcohol and even mushrooms (as long as you aren’t around) and that to me is too far, but you seemed ok with it. But clearly, coke and other drugs crosses the line.

Major, major red flags. Not just on the drug using front, but on the rest of the frustrations, clear communication problems and respect issues.

This is not about bachelor parties, this about your relationship, boundaries and respect.

I don’t inherently hate bachelor parties at all. It has more to do with the people, their character and their choices. My DH went to a local casino and hung out with friends for his bachelor party. There were no issues or qualms about it.

OP, this would cause me to cancel the engagement and end the relationship all together.

Post # 3
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

Um… your Fiance sounds extremely immature – at best. He’s also a liar and vastly irresponsible. I would cancel the wedding in a heartbeat. You’re essentially about to go into a marriage with issues – big issues. What’s the rush to get married? Why not work out your issues and make sure he’s the one before jumping into a marriage?

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by QOTSA.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by QOTSA.
Post # 4
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s hard not to sound “like a nag” when you are out in a situation where someone is withholding information.   

frankly, PP made good point about the level of maturity here on his part. not promising. 

 

Post # 5
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t have an issue with bachlor parties or strip clubs. I have an issue with the fact he did so many new (for him) drugs. Also the lying and avoiding questions. This warrants a serious talk about expectations for the future.

Post # 6
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeah…this isn’t about bachelor parties.  This is about some pretty big issues that are coming out as his “true colors”.  I know some people say “oh it’s just the bachelor party no big deal”, but it IS a big deal because he didn’t do what he said he would, he was doing dangerous and illegal activities, and he is coming home late because of a stupid, irresponsible mistake.

1. He isn’t helping to plan the wedding, indicating that he doesn’t necessarily care.  Now, I am the one who has done most of the planning in our wedding too, but if ever I say “Fiance, can you come down and do this?  I’m exhausted and can’t handle wedding stuff anymore” he does it.  He doesn’t care about centerpieces or decor or anything, but he cares about ME and he loves ME so he’s willing to do that for me to take the burden off.

2. He did some insanely irresponsible, dangerous, and illegal things over this past weekend.  I don’t care about the “bachelor party only happens once” crap.  This is deeper than that.  Obviously either he is highly influenced by his friends OR he makes really poor decisions.  Or both.  Do you want to marry someone who engages in illegal activity like that?  I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened again in the future.

3. He lied about going to the strip club.  Again, some people would say this isn’t a big deal, and it’s his bachelor party and “ljm stop being a stick in the mud and blah blah blah”, but he outright lied to you.  Some people have a higher tolerance than me with that, but I don’t easily forget when someone I love and care about blatantly lies to me.

At the VERY LEAST postpone this wedding.  Work on your issues in the relationship.  I won’t say break it off right away because obviously you know your relationship better than us, but if it were me I would cancel it altogether.  This has nothing to do with bachelor parties and everything to do with his character.  Maybe it’s the stress of such a short engagement.  I don’t know.  But a marriage will NOT cause these issues to disappear; it will only bury them and cause them to become bigger down the line.

Another thing: he will probably come home and say “oh baby, but it was ONE night, my bachelor party!  This won’t happen again”.  Don’t buy into it.  Tell him you have postponed wedding plans until he grows the hell up and acts his age.

Post # 8
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Be very careful — I see a lot of excuses made for him in your update.

I obviously don’t know your relationship since I’m not in it…however I am not convinced a simple talk will solve these issues.  This is building a lot of resentment on your end — understandably so — and he’s really not “getting it”.  I get that you know him and I get that we’ve only seen a brief post as to what the relationship looks like — but HE needs to own up to his actions.  HE needs to help fix this.  HE needs to take responsibility.  You are uncomfortable with what went down, and I don’t blame you.  Be completely honest with him about how you feel.  It falls on him to work this out with you.  If he doesn’t…well that tells you how little he values the relationship.

Again, I don’t know your relationship, but my spidey senses tell me this is much deeper than a weekend bachelor party…

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
ljm308:  I completely agree.

View original reply
olive12389:  OP you came on here because you were frustrated and rightfuly so. You only summarized the situation, but you alluded to things in the past that have frustrated you and things he did recently.

Other PPs have pointed out that there seem to be issues with maturity, respect, communication and decision making. As ljm308 mentioned, you appear to be excusing some of the behaviors. We don’t know your whole relationship, but the issues you bring up appear to be deeper than this one weekend occurence.

 

Post # 10
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
olive12389:  “part of me wants to talk about it and tell him how frustrated I was… The other part wonders if I should just let it go, because after all, this weekend won’t happen again”

Oh I would F-ING RIP HIM APART!!!!

He’s lucky he’s not my Fiance. This weekend may not happen again, but this REEKS of selfishness and disrespect. I’m not going to be a drama queen and tell you to cancel the wedding, but I would give him a serious talking to.

Post # 11
Member
805 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, but like a previous poster said, I stopped at the mention of coke. Marijuana is one thing, drinking….even shrooms (though that’s when you’re getting overboard). But COKE? Seriously? I understand being open to drugs, but that should only apply to drugs arent INCREDABLY addictive (like weed, maybe molly). But coke? I’m sorry, but saying that, ‘All this stuff would only happen once’ is a funny statement to associate with taking coke. I’m pretty open minded towards drugs (I’m still in college) and while I have tried weed and molly, I would NEVER IN MY LIFE do coke, and never settle down with anyone who did. Because that is just, I’m sorry, stupid. I’m so sorry if I’m coming across as mean, I’m not trying to. I just cannot believe you are okay with your fiance doing a drug that literally ruins the lives of almost anyone who tries it. If this were me, I would be livid with the drug use alone. 

Add everything else to the mix, and at the LEAST you two need to see someone about his total lack of honest. Ideally, you would postpone the wedding, but I know you said that won’t happen. He has a lot of explaining to do, and lets home that he’s actually being honest about the coke experience, because god forbid he even somewhat enjoyed it, you very well might have a coke addict on your hands. I wish you the best!

Post # 12
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I would have lost it at coke. WTH? I don’t condone drug use and shrooms, he was honest so let that go. But coke?! No effing way. 

 

And the strip club – he lied to you repeatedly and then went. Really??

 

I’m not saying postpone or cancel but PLEASE have an adult, mature conversation with him. His behavior was unacceptable. Also, I’m kind of glad that girl friend went. Sounds like she was a good person to have around to know what’s going on. (not that spying is good but she willingly texted you so its not spying)

Post # 13
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
yourhandinmine:  I just cannot believe you are okay with your fiance doing a drug that literally ruins the lives of almost anyone who tries it.

whoa. That is a broad statement. I tried it once and my life was in no way “literally ruined”. I didn’t enjoy it and couldn’t sleep that night. I know many who try it, like it or no but their lives were not ruined by any means. Experimentation and addiction are very different. Not saying that it is a brilliant idea to do cocain.

Post # 14
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Uuh…so many things going on in your post that scream this wedding is a bad idea. Since you are going to marry him I guess I will just say good luck . For most this is the guy you date to get your wild side out of your system before you marry the guy who makes a good husband.  

Also typical bachelor parties do not include a cocktail of drugs and alcohol combined with lying to your fiance. Be mad at him not at bachelor parties.

Post # 15
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee

None of the problems in your post are the fault of a bachelor party.

Maybe place blame where it’s deserved, on your Fiance.

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