- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
Ok, so this is a little bit of a vent. Our wedding is in August and Fiance had his bachelor party this past weekend. Because it was the 4th, he had Friday off and planned to go out of town Thursday night to do the whole thing with a bunch of guys at his friend’s place a few hours away. I guess I should preface this by saying we’re having a really short engagement and we are doing a domestic destination wedding because money is really tight this will be cheaper for us to do (we’re from opposite sides of the country so we’re meeting in the middle for our familie’s sakes). Anyway. Our wedding is in a month and he doesn’t even have his plane ticket. I’ve planned everything so far and will be paying for most of it, and it’s been a big source of stress and frustration that he hasn’t been more helpful. Fast forward to bachelor party. He plans a 3-night out of town get together with 10 or so friends. One of his close girlfriends was also invited. I actually really like her, and I totally trust him, but I had a hard time with this. It was a holiday weekend and a lot of my friends are out of town for the summer, so I spent a lot of the weekend alone and kind of trying to figure out who I could meet up with while he had this big party with all of his friends and a girl (so it wasn’t just a “guys weekend”). Anyway. He didn’t actually drive down until Friday morning, but I told him that this still felt like a lot, and asked that he come back at a reasonable time on Sunday. He agreed to leave by noon (it was about 4 hours away). Because our engagement is so short and far away, a lot of my friends won’t be able to come to the wedding (his friends are coming), and like I said, many are out of town for the summer so not many people are around for a bachelorette. So this weekend really started making me feel resentful, as his lack of help with the wedding, plus his big bachelor party, and I am taking on all of the stress with none of the “fun.” And then there were girls there so I felt like… This is dumb. We could’ve combined our parties and just had a big party for both of us. Whatever.
So Fiance is a recreational marijuana and alcohol user. I’m okay with this. But I knew that the friends he was going to see were into other drugs, and jokingly asked what he would be doing this weekend before he left. Shrooms came up, and I know he has been wanting to try them, and I was happy to not be the babysitter when this was happening. Fine, I just asked that he be careful and try to stick to one drug at a time because he won’t know how he will react and I wanted to make sure he was safe about it. Day one of the bachelor weekend, he texts me and says he has done dabs, shrooms, smoked weed, had a few beers, and done some coke. Ok. This is not what we talked about. I was out with friends and it sounded like he was having a good time so I tried not to be a downer about it–at least he was being open and honest with me. Later on I go home and he texts me to say the shrooms didn’t do much, so he has taken significantly more of them. Then his girl friend texts me a video of him being spoonfed shrooms while having his friends slap him in the face. This has officially become too much and I start to get upset. He texts me and assures me that “everything is mellow.”
Day 2, I’m mad. And I’m trying not to be because I still don’t want to feel like a nag, but this weekend is now really getting under my skin. I sort of sarcastically ask him what the plan is for the day, if he’s planning another night of drugs and debauchery, if there are strip clubs in the future. He says no, he’s just planning to smoke weed and drink, he does not want a repeat of the night before. I ask again about strip clubs and he assures me they won’t be going. A word on strip clubs–this feels like a multi-level issue for me. First of all, I totally trust him. That’s not the issue. It does feel like a slap in the face to me, but also I hate strip clubs for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to the fact that it is a blatant exploitation of women. Anyway. Later in the night (and this was saturday, the 4th of July), I jokingly text and say, “are you sure there are no strip clubs in the plan for the night?” And he responds by telling me he is at one! What the f$ck?! So again, I start spinning and become really upset. I start angrily texting him (I was out with a friend and had a few drinks also) about how frustrated I was. He continues to assure me that things are fine, the strip club is boring, they’ll be leaving soon. Meanwhile, his girl friend is texting me saying they’ve lost a few people, things are really messy…. I just had this overall sense that Fiance was being sort of condescending and I became really, really frustrated. Fast forward again to this morning. He texts me and says they are almost ready to go and will be on the road by noon. At about 1pm, I call him to see where they are (he had driven down with one other friend) and he says he has lost his car keys. And he never found them. He eventually had AAA come and make him a new key, and he was on the road at 6:30pm.
So… I just don’t know how to feel about this. He isn’t home yet and I am really stuck, because part of me wants to talk about it and tell him how frustrated I was… The other part wonders if I should just let it go, because after all, this weekend won’t happen again. But everytime I think about it I feel sick. Also, I kept trying to ask about lap dances… and it felt like he (and his girl friend when I asked her) avoided the question. So maybe nothing happened, but maybe it did? I don’t know. I just feel like these parties (and this whole weekend in my case) feel outdated and disrespectful. Or maybe I’m just a crazy nag.
*Edit: Also, on Saturday, when we were on the phone, his friend took the phone and was like “hey, how are you!!? Why didn’t you come too? Oh, wait, you’re not allowed.” Thanks. I got it.