(Closed) Anyone else haunted by wedding day regrets?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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nenny :  Things happen. And these mistakes are very minor. Form what I understand, your guests didn’t mind you taking pictures for an extra long time and the “inappropriate” stories told were entertaining for them. It seems like your wedding was a succes, and you’re now happily married with a baby. Not to be heartless, but it’s time to move on.

Post # 3
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Haunted would be a very strong word. Everyone has little things they’d probably go back and redo or thing they forgot about until the eleventh hour. My sisters disappeared after the ceremony and we lost 20 minutes of picture time during cocktail hour. Ive never actually gotten an explanation as to where they went. So basically there are only 4 professional pictures of my husband and I the aren’t ceremony or dancing pictures. I don’t have my bouquet in any of them. That’s all we had time for because the family photos were our priority. Also, my hair and makeup people were crap. My hair was a frizzy mess and my face was all shine by cocktail hour. They insisted I didn’t need to bring along my own makeup for touch ups so for half the photos I  don’t look right. Basically, sure I look back at some of the photos and think “god why didn’t anyone tell me to run a comb through that frizz” or see the lack of nicely staged photos of my husband and I and get a little sad, but it was still the day of a lifetime and I’m still happy about it. I got to marry my husband and we had an amazing time. 

Post # 4
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii

I had a few regrets, some little stuff like I think my hair and makeup was too plain and I should have asked for bolder looks, but bigger stuff like I was a little disappointed during the ceremony because it wasn’t very personal and didn’t make me feel exactly how I thought it would. Also, I had secretly hoped my husband would maybe shed a tear or something when he saw me, and he didn’t, so it kind of threw me off emotionally at first. But the next day my moh and a guest told me that they saw him get emotional when I started walking down the aisle and then start looking around so he wouldn’t cry. That makes sense because he’s told me before  when we have watched wedding related shows that he doesn’t want to cry in front of people. 

I understand how you feel with the guilt while you were gone taking pictures. I had a little of that too because my husband and I were gone for a long time after the ceremony taking pictures at the beach. When we got back I was worried people had been bored waiting for us, but everyone seemed to be having a good time and there were plenty of cocktails and appetizers and I wouldn’t trade the pictures of us on the beach for the world! It sound like maybe the majority of your regrets stem from your relationship with your father and how he makes you feel. Maybe just try to remember that everyone else didn’t mind waiting on you and had a great time. 

Post # 5
Member
2352 posts
Buzzing bee

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nenny :  I did give my photographer the list of photos I want and he didnt’ bring them. I didn’t get all my shots, and I told him more than once I hate kissy kissy photos and the “perfect light” pictures are almost all those. WTF. I hate kissing photos. I won’t hang those on my wall EVER!

We had some issues too. Our photos too long as well. But our ceremony was super quick and apprently my mother was the only one upset by this…since everyone else was eating and drinking and fine.

It still haunts me to this day if people enjoyed themselves. I was with two people the other day. Not one mentioned the wedding. Makes me wonder..ya know..

The reception photos I’m still like eh..brings up bad memories of no one dancing…. or not that many people. 

Thing is we can’t change what is. Its over down. I’m trying to focus on the positive stuff. Trying…it still stings almost a month later not gonna lie. 

Post # 6
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m sorry you still look back and have regret. Things happen and you have to focus on the positives. I’ve been to so many weddings were the bride and groom take longer for photos or whatever. Honestly no one really cared and I can tell you that no one is thinking to this day how they are bothered by it!

Once I went to a wedding where the ceremony and reception was literally 5 hours in between. To our horror we realized there was nothing around to do, we were in the middle of the nowhere. Of course it rained so me and my mom just stayed in the car waiting. The couple literally kicked everyone out of the place just to have sex…eye roll. 

Post # 7
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This seems like a major overreaction to very small things. I wonder if the real issue is your relationship with your dad and that’s what continues to haunt you. 

Post # 8
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

I don’t want to sound harsh, but yes, you really need to ask yourself why these things are still bothering you. My theory – and I hope future brides take note of this – we tend to put WAY too much emphasis on this one-day party that NO ONE CARES about remotely as much as you do, in terms of every dumb little detail like whether or not you have a posed picture of them with you. 

 

Who cares if the family pics aren’t quite as nice as they might have been if you had taken them earlier? Would you have wallpapered your living room with them? πŸ˜‰ I’m trying to be cheeky to illustrate how little they matter. They sit in an album collecting dust, or on a memory stick or on your laptop, and you look at them once in a while. The fact that you didn’t photograph everyone does not negate the fact that they were there and everything was fine.

If you want really nice pics of anyone, suggest a time to get together and go to a photography studio, or encourage them to do Christmas photos or something. That might even be a nice gift idea – a photography gift certificate. It’s not like your wedding day was the only time you could have possibly gotten nice pictures of them. 

 

As for things that went wrong at my wedding, I was pretty lucky. Nothing that haunts me. I would only have lingering regrets if they were things that negatively impacted other people, or if it was something disasterous that really, really screwed up the whole day. Just a few things that no one would have noticed. I put my necklace on backwards because I couldn’t find the lightswitch in the room where the mirror was. LOL. We forgot to put out the potato salad, but there were potatoes from the caterer anyway. (That Costco potato salad though, it’s my favorite!! πŸ™ ) My bouquet didn’t turn out as nicely as my trial, but it was good enough. I did it the day before the wedding and I had time to re-do it, but I said to myself, “screw it. I’m spending the rest of the day with my fiance and our guests.” We ordered pizza, drank beer and went bowling. Zero regrets.

So in terms of helping future brides:

– Let’s start by raising our little girls without all the glamorizing nonsense that leads to them “planning this my whole life.” Imagine how many divorces would be avoided if we stopped making a wedding a life goal. It’s a one-day party. Your marriage is what matters. And it also matters that no young woman be made to feel inferior if she chooses not to marry. 

– Starting out with realistic expectations, you’re half way there. The more unrealistically high your expectations are, the more likely you’re going to feel let down later. Too much is out of your control, including the behaviour of others. 

 

– Stay within your budget, and don’t be lured by the wedding industry to spend money you don’t have to impress people who won’t really care in the end. Decide on what’s most important to you, skip the rest, and stick to your guns (within reason; make sure you properly host your guests, etc) Don’t let your ego get in the way. Focus on everyone (including yourelves!!) having a nice time.

– Remember that people who have a history of treating you poorly aren’t going to change magically because it’s your wedding day. Again, this comes down to expectations.

– People >>>>>> things. See my bouquet example. 

Best wishes to the OP and future brides. It’ll be okay. cool

Post # 9
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Hi and welcome. I’m sorry you’re still having negative feelings a year+ after your wedding that are coloring your happy memories of the day.

To answer your questions, no, I don’t have regrets about my wedding that haunt me. Everything mostly went well for us, but even if it hadn’t, I truly don’t find myself hung up on the details of an event that happened 9 months ago, even if it was my wedding day.

I hope you can move past your negative feelings and remember your special day with happiness. 

Post # 10
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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nenny :  I didn’t get all the wedding photos I wanted, particularly family ones. I gave our photographer a list but things get missed, it doesn’t change the fact that they’re still great photographers. I didn’t realise on the day either to rectify the situation.

A couple of months after our wedding my aunt passed away. She died very suddenly and I was really close to her. I was so upset that I had no family photos because that was literally the last chance we had to get a family photo. I was really angry with myself for forgetting the photos and so upset that I didn’t have any formal family photos. 

If you’d have asked me a few months after the wedding I would have paid any amount of money to go back and get hose photos.

Part of the reason I didn’t get those family photos was actually because my family were off, having fun that didn’t involve us. Yes, it was our wedding day but your families fun extends beyond just you. My family were catching up with each other, laughing, dancing, drinking. It took me a while to realise this but if that’s the last family event my aunt went to then I’d rather her have fun than stand around having her photo taken. Sometimes I want more photos of her but at the end of the day I can’t change anything now so you need to look at the positives.

You can’t change anything about your wedding now. So you need to look at the positives and you listed loads in your post. No day is going to be perfect. You paid for a party in which you hoped everyone had fun and they did.

Post # 11
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

My biggest regret (and we’re still dealing with it unfortunately) was our photographer.  She showed up late, under the influence of drugs, dressed inappropriately, and apparently didnt know how to use a flash or meter for light as there’s not one photo from our ceremony or reception rooms where you can see the beautiful ocean right outside of all of the walls of windows, which was why we booked the venue…..not ONE!?  She was texting on her cell phone all night, and ruined our family group photos. πŸ™

It’s not like I don’t have beautiful memories from my wedding, and it was perfect in every other way and there were some good outside beach pictures.  It’s that she shouldnt have taken our money if she was incapable of producing what we paid her for and that she agreed to produce.

She’s decided not to own up to anything,  or render a partial refund we requested….. so next stop, small claims court.

 Ugh:+/

 

Post # 12
Member
650 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you have deeper family dynamic issues and guilt issues that go far beyond (very very) minor mishaps at a wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

sounds to me that your regrets are based on how others felt and what they did.

You can’t go back in time, but have you considered having another ceremony is meaningful location with your husband just the 2 of you? Maybe if you had a handfasting ceremony, or just something expressing your love without all the planning details, and without the opinions of others, it could help you move on. Give you some more new memories to focus on.

Don’t feel bad about the memories that still bother you, I know a woman who is still mad about not getting to have her special chosen reception treats and it will be 50 years ago next year! She has wonderful memories of course, but she still can’t mention her wedding day without cursing the caterer that took the treats that she paid for before she got some! πŸ™‚ you are not alone!

Post # 14
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Everything went wrong…but everything! Except for our very brief ceremony, which was lovely and intimate. 

Post # 15
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee

Do you think it’s possible that as you felt your Dad was projecting the expecation of perfection from you in certain areas…you did the same thing by being dissapointed with the speech your high school friends gave you at the wedding? 

Everyone did the best the could. Your wedding sounds as perfect as they come honestly. 

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