Post # 1
When Fiance and I got engaged I knew who my bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor would be right away… I’m a closed off person and have many acquaintances and a very small amount of close friends. So, my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and two close friends as BMs is what it was.
One of my BMs told me about her pregnancy about 7 months before the wedding…. she is due exactly one month after the wedding. A few weeks later I met her for tea and she was already quite big and tired from her pregnancy. I thought about offering to her that she didn’t have to stand up as a bridesmaid, as I can imagine at 8 months pregnant nothing will be comfortable. However, I didn’t want her to feel like I was ‘ousting’ her because I didn’t want her in my pictures… Our wedding is not about appearances and not typical so I didn’t care.
She met me again the other day and said she didn’t think she could be a bridesmaid. While I totally understand (might go into labour early, be uncomfortable, etc) I’m still a little hurt.
I don’t care about having matching numbers (although Fiance and I had both originally picked 3 people each), the only reason we picked people was so that friends/family would feel happy to take part in our special day. Should I ask one of my other sisters who I am not close to but would feel special (but she would know she is a stand in)….. or just be happy at the two people we have? I am worried when my (not close) sister finds out that I am lacking a person, she will be upset she wasn’t asked. I’m also just sad that my friend chose this early to not take part in the day… I really wanted her support beforehand and now she’s just a guest.
What would you do? Does anyone else have a bridesmaid experience like this?
Post # 4
Your friend can still support you even though she’ll be attending as a guest. She probably knew that she wouldn’t be able to participate fully or give you as much time/energy as a bridesmaid would typically.
That said, I asked a bridesmaid to step down and asked another close friend. She said she didn’t feel like a step-in and was happy that I asked her.
I also came to a mutual understanding with my cousin about asking her to step down/her backing out a week before my wedding because she was unwilling to do anything that I asked my bridesmaids to do, show up to wedding related events, etc. and used her child as an excuse. So my husband and I had an uneven wedding party and it was still beautiful. Things will work out for you 🙂
Post # 5
If I was in situation (assuming a positive relationship with the sister that you are not close too)- I would ask the sister. I would get some lunch with her and explain the situation. I am sure, she will understand.
Regarding your friend- I know it is easy for me to say, but try not to take it personally… As you said in your post, you realized that this might happen and she is regretful that she can’t be a part of the bridal party.
I’m sorry that this happened – Keisha
Post # 6
I would still consider her your bridesmaid, even if she isn’t standing up there with you–she is still one of your closest friends. You could still invite her to get ready with you and your other bms, and you could even write her in your program as an honorary bridesmaid. You should feel no obligation to ask your other sister (I only had one of my sisters as a bm).
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
Aw, we have similiar situations (and dates), but sort of backwards. I had a bridesmaid backout, but it wasn’t the pregnant one! One my bridesmaids is due at the end of October, and she has told me she will be there hell or highwater. The baby will come during the cocktail hour to eat (which I’m totally down with), and the baby’s grandmother will stay with the baby before and after at a hotel.
My “friend,” however, did back out. Like you, I wasn’t so concerned about eveb numbers, it just hurt my feelings. It was too late to ask someone else, and plus, I thought she was a good enough friend that she would pull through.
Well, she totally dropped out via email, and I was upset. But, I had another friend who asked me if she be a bridesmaid, and I told her of course. She’s not a girly girl, so while I knew she would do it, I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. But I’m glad she offered. She’ll be awesome!
My point is that these things work out sometimes. I would ask you sister, as long as you think she wouldn’t be offended. And even so, she’ll probably get over that and be happy to support you.
BUT, only ask if you really want her next to you. It’s about surrounding yourself with people you care about and who care about you.