- 12 years ago
Lisabee, Like Miss America?
Lisabee, Like Miss America?
Thanks everyone for all the laughs and crazy mom stories. My mom isn’t too bad when it comes to planning, I just have to do the whole "smile & nod Miss America" technique.
When I told my mom I wanted cupcakes instead of a cake she wasn’t too happy about the idea. She couldn’t imagine a wedding without a wedding cake and thought it was crazy idea to have cupcakes. Her solution to our disagreement was to have one GIANT cupcake as the cake!?! Really mom, that is going to look better than lots of cute little cupcakes?
For my bridal portraits, I wanted to have them made outside with mountains and hills in the background b/c I grew up in the foothills. My mom’s brillant solution to the idea was to have them made in our backyard in front of the old swingset I used to play on. Now this wouldn’t be such a bad idea if it was cute and well kept up, but it is one of the old metal ones with faded blue and red strips, no swings and grass and weeds growing around it. Trust me not a beautiful site for a picture.
I wonder what other ideas she’s going to come up with. 🙂
my mom has been wonderful..
she bought me all my favors, she bought me my veil and tiara, she bought me my sis and niece our jewellry she bought me my shoes, she came out all the way to manhattan to help me look for agown, she griped about it but I knew it was a mother-daughter experience and I had to have her there, she came out just to do it for me
I feel blessed
one time she told me to add a few guests, an aunt I only met once and some other aunts; but I said theres no more space and not to stress me out; she was good about not giving me a hard time one time we disagreed on the gown, but since I cried over the other one the choice was very clear
I told my mom and bridal party just say yes so there’s no stress hahaha
overall, my mom has been pretty zen and is very supportive, I love my mom she’s the best! I am just happy she’ll be here to attend my wedding she lives in the philippines
All Mom’s who are alive are crazy? Well I’m alive and don’t think I’m crazy..not in a mean or overbearing way. My daughter and I are having a blast. Her fiance is adorable and his family is wonderful.
I think these posts are a reflection of problems in your overall Mom/daughter relastionship and I urge you to spend time together and work it out.
We are not the perfect family or perfect Mom and daughter. But I know my daughter is happy planning her wedding with me and we are working hard to make certain her Future Mother-In-Law is as involved as she wants to be.
Lynneea says she hates it when brides say the wedding is ‘all about me’. She sees it as a celebration of families and friends coming together to support their committment. It really makes a difference in the planning.
To answer succinctly, YES. My mom is sweet, but as of late she’s behaved as a love sick 15 year old girl.
Love this post….My mom and I had a falling out because of all this wedding stuff. She really thinks it’s her wedding not mine. All this talk about "what will people think…" I love my mom but man I wish she was more like my mother in-law. She is such a dream. She is really excited about this whole wedding and can’t wait to go shopping with me and my friends for dresses. My mom just makes nasty comments whenever I bring up any ideas. It’s very stressful to deal with. I will make sure that if I have a daughter, I will listen and support her the best that I can. Not mock and humiliate her for wanting a wedding that reflects her personality.
I love this thread – makes me realise I’m not alone.
The week after announcing our engagement in the first week of March and that we were going to do it in France (my Fiance is French, his family all live in one area and I’m Scottish with relatives spread out all over the world) I got an email from my mother saying she was feeling left out of all the planning. This is the mother who my ENTIRE live has told me to elope when I get married. I told her that other than getting engaged and deciding France, we hadn’t done any planning, but arranged for her to come to France two weeks later to meet FI’s parents and to be there when we chose the venue etc. I thought it would nip any problems in the bud.
They were some of the worst three days of my life. Every five minutes: "Oh you know the cake, I’ve been thinking you should have different flavours."
ME: "Actually we would both really like a fruit cake with marzipan."
MOM: "Oh NO! You DON’T want to have a TRADITIONAL cake. Oh no."
ME: "Actually, we do. We both do."
Then there was, "Oh, you MUST. HAVE. GARDENIAS. IN. YOUR. BOUQUET. MUST!" No argument allowed. This one came up a few times. In the end, I told her that if she wants gardinias, she’s more than welcome to have her own bouquet, I really wouldn’t mind.
Then, when looking at dresses in bridal magazines, I would point to one I liked and get the response: "Oh, no. That would look TERRIBLE on you." It didn’t matter what style I chose, that was the response. There were hundreds of other things like this, it was relentless.
We all went out to dinner and Fiance and I got into a bit of a disagreement, nothing major, not an argument, we just disagreed. My mother leaned over to me with the kind words, "[Me] just BEHAVE yourself." Um, excuse me. I’m 30 and have lived outside the home since I was 18.
We’re getting married in the country, and there’s a good chance it will rain, so I mentioned getting some wellies just in case. It’s hardly original, but you would think I’d said I wanted a see-through black wedding dress.
In amongst all this, was constantly translating for her both what others were saying and what she was saying, because apparently she didn’t understand a single word of French. It was exhausting, but I didn’t want her feeling left out. Then when I made a grammatical error in French, she’d correct me!!
I went back to Scotland recently to get a dress (as a conscession to her, I didn’t get it where I live). When there, I said I thought we should plan a meal for my FI’s parents just before the wedding as they are basically organising the wedding for us and they hosted her in March. I got a tirade of abuse, including ‘spoilt child’ and ‘bi*ch’ – my poor brother, who thought I was exaggerating about her going crazy tried to step in on my behalf, only to get a load of abuse too.
Luckily I live abroad and contact only with email, so can control it. I’m dreading any time alone with her before the wedding though, so am trying to arrange to always have people around, because she won’t go crazy in front of non-family.
It’s made me conclude, that when I have children, she won’t be around for the birth. I don’t need stressful situations made unbearable.
@trailing…at least your mother actually wants to be involved, my sister got married a month ago and she didnt include my mother at all in the planning and hung her wedding dress at her mother in law’s house, my mother didnt even know what her dress looked like until the wedding, she was sad about it and complaining to people, so I tried my best to include her as much as i could, we went to see a venue together and look at gowns together, then out of nowhere 2 wks ago she told me she didnt want to be involved with anything about wedding nor speak about it all because she wanted to invite her friends which i cannot afford, mothers will be mothers, we only have one though, its unfortunate we cannot choose our family, we just have to love and respect them, too bad my family doesnt believe in the things i believe in
My mother told two cousins of mine (one who is twice my age and I don’t like at all and another who is half my age and I’ve met once) that they could be bridesmaids.
Just like that.
@coconutmellie HAH! Oh my goodness, I shouldn’t laugh, you must be going through hell, but that is just insane! I would strangle her. I would!
I should read this thread every time I’m frustrated at my mother to remind myself that she’s really not that bad. No offense to everyone! 🙂
My mother and I pretty much have a non-relationship. She doesn’t know Fiance, nor has she made any attempt to get to know him or taken me up on offers to get to know him.
She thinks we’re rushing into marriage after being together for five years. I think she doesn’t like him because he’s not Korean. And I think she hates men in general.
She decided she’s not attending our wedding because it’d be awkward for her since my father and stepmother are attending. I made sure to let her know that FI’s divorced parents are both attending and his father is remarried as well.
After deciding not to come, she picks a fight with me about how I haven’t involved her at all (in the marriage she doesn’t support) in the wedding planning and obviously I don’t care that she’s not coming so she won’t feel bad about it. Why on earth would the wedding planning make her feel better about a marriage she doesn’t support? I reminded her that it’s about the marraige, not the wedding.
Translation: she picked a fight to assuage her own guilt. And we haven’t spoken since. Honestly, I know my day will be better without her!
Wow, now I don’t feel so lonely with the whole, “my mother wrote the book on crazy” thing. My mom has always been nutty. In fact, the day I got engaged, my older sister called me to warn me about how she will act in the coming months. She cried when I told her we were having alcohol at our wedding. She is the only one who doesn’t drink. She has also told me that she will buy my dress but if it goes above her budget I can’t spend the extra difference because she wants to buy it. So you’re saying mom, that I can’t buy a dress I want and will pay for because you won’t buy it? I just don’t get that. She does all kinds of crazy things. We are going dress shopping next week and I am really not looking forward to it.
I guess my mom’s not as bad as I thought! She has some crazy moments, like when she found out my FI’s family had more guests on the list than we did… she frantically told my dad that we’d be inviting random people to make up the difference. (I guess it’s a contest?) And we’ll talk about ideas for the reception and 3 days later she’ll have an entirely different plan… or when she questions me repeatedly about wanting to get married, move, and switch careers within the same month of getting married…
but overall… i’m glad she is part of the process.
At our wedding a few months ago, my husband’s mother made a scene regarding a mother – groom dance. We hadn’t planned on it given that the reception was far from formal and there were only 40 people in attendance. The only planned dance we had was for ourselves. However she approached him in front of several guests and really embarrassed him. Had she done it privately I am sure he would have been happy to. We haven’t heard from her for 3 months!
Not sure what to think of this…
My mother has asked me to send a save-the-date to a friend of hers whom she hasn’t spoken with for a few years because of a major argument. I had always liked her friend, but wasn’t particularly close with her, and don’t care either way about her coming. The problem I have with it is that my mom seems to either be using me and my wedding as some way to reconnect with this friend without taking responsibility for it herself, or she’s just advertising/flaunting that her daughter is getting married (sadly, I wouldn’t put this past her…). The other thing is that she doesn’t even have her estranged friend’s current address or phone number, so she just wants me to send my save-the-date to her business address. I just think it’s kind of weird and I feel awkward sending it. If my mom would reconnect with her friend first, I would have no problem inviting her, but I don’t feel that my wedding is a time for my mom to sort out her issues with people she doesn’t currently get along with.
So, I called her tonight to calmly tell her that I don’t feel comfortable being a go-between, and would just like her to reconsider making me send this before she works out the situation, and she LOST HER MIND ON ME – like, I mean shrill screaming, crying, name-calling, and a whole lot of swearing. It was awful, and I didn’t even know what to say.
She hasn’t been particularly kind to me at times since the engagement, and I can’t figure out why. She had a major meltdown at Christmas as well, and refused to come out of her room to say goodbye to me and my fiance before we drove the 6 hours home.
I should mention that my mom is paying 1/3 of the wedding, my fiance’s parents are paying 1/3, and we are paying 1/3 – and our budget is maxed out. My father isn’t even being invited because we are estranged, and I don’t want to worry about tense family situations at my wedding.
With this current issue, I can kind of see her POV and was willing to talk about it, but I don’t think she sees mine at all…and I have a hard time getting past how cruel she was on the phone with me tonight (I draw the line at name-calling…it really hurt my feelings, and I feel like her ongoing behaviour will be something I remember when I think back on the process of planning my wedding)
How would you react to this? Am I being totally unreasonable?
Sorry about the long message, but I just needed to vent 🙁
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