(Closed) Anyone else have a difficult relationship with their sister? (sort of long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t have experience with this, but it seems to me like she’s a spoiled brat and she did use you all that time.  Unfortunately I’m not sure there is anything you can do about it.  You’ll have to decide if it’s more important to you to have her drama and childishness in your life, or to let it go and hope that one day she grows up enough to realize what you’ve done for her and that she was immature and wrong.

Post # 4
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Having sisters can be an amazing thing sometimes but sometimes it’s just so damn hard! I’m sorry you’re going through this with your sister and I can relate to what you are going through. 

Your sister sounds like she’s going through some kind of life crisis. Has she always been this way? I would imagine that being a mother and a 41 year old woman the constant need to brag about getting drunk is something someone usually has grown out of. Don’t get me wrong we all need to let out some steam every now and then but she seems kind of immature.

And deliberately excluding you from her text! So childish! I say give her sometime to cool off and then try talking to her again. If she doesn’t seem receptive to your atempts to restore a relationship between the two of you I think it’s time to just stop trying for a long time. There’s a point when you realize that even though you are family trying to salvage what is left of the relationship is harmful to your well being. She keeps making you feel bad and honestly do you want to constantly feel this way? I hope all goes well.

I’m the youngest sister but for along time I held a grudge towards my oldest sister. After a while I realized this grudge was harming me more than it was her. I just kept bringing negativity towards me and every time she extended an olive branch I would burn it down and stomp on…well methaphorically. Hopefully your sister will also one day realize what she is doing and the pointlessness. She’ll see how much more amazing life can be when you have a healthy relationship with a sister who is more than willing to be there for her. 

Sorry this got so long!

Post # 5
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m glad you’ve started to put your foot down with her, but I think you need to be even more firm with her. The more firm with her you become the more she will try to guilt/shame you into giving in to her, so be prepared for that (the texting every other sister was example of that manipulative tactic, and I bet things like that have worked before for her, haven’t they?), but in order to change your relationship with her and have her treat you with respect, you need to resist and stay firm. Like a “chinese fingertrap,” the more she pushes you the harder you must resist.

She will either mature (yes, people can start maturing at 40 or even later), or at least learn that YOU are no longer one of the people she can take advantage of and disrespect. I bet you anything she does know how to treat people properly, she just doesn’t think she has to treat YOU that way. Let her know that she’s got another thing coming.

Don’t be cruel, but be absolutely firm. Have a thick skin, she’s going to “kick and scream” about this in the short term, to try to make you break. Don’t give in, and let it takes its time (if she stops talking to you for a while, that’s ok). Having a sister who treats you properly will definitely be worth it! After all these years, you deserve it.

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