Post # 1
I love my Fiance more than anything and can’t imagine being with anyone else but him. But his mother is horrible. They say you marry the family, and this terrifies me. I’m having one of those down days, so forgive me for complaining 🙂 Anybody else feel this way?
Post # 3
Not me, but one of my best friends is dating someone with a horrid mother. She literallyl steals from her kid.
As long as he’s on your side I think you should be ok.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
My Mother-In-Law is easily the most wonderful woman I know, and is part of the reason I want to marry my boy!!
Post # 5
I love her, but sometimes when she comes over she tries to micromanage things so I voted for somewhere in between.
Post # 6
We have an up and down relationship. We used to be fairly close.. and then a lot of family drama happened and she said some things that really pissed me off/hurt me and my fiance. We barely spoke to her (or the rest of the family) for about a year. Things still aren’t peachy and I know the relationship will always be strained but we try and be civil and visit from time to time (We live in the same town, so its kind of hard to avoid them).
Post # 7
@javamonkey: Well, I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been married for 6 months, I deeply love my husband and feel like the luckiest woman in the world for having him, but I also have some problems in relating with my Mother-In-Law and my two sisters in law (as if one mother in law isn’t enough already). They’re two-faced and keep gossiping and sneaking behind my back. I think they’re jealous or something similar. As long as you feel happy with your future husband I’d ignore them and avoid to come down to their low level…They’re probably unsatisfied with their lives and aren’t able to accept that others are happy.
Post # 8
I kind of see it as “you marry your husband, but be ready to put up with the family.” Which is almost the same, but for me there’s a critical difference between “you just have to handle his family” and “you decided that you can handle his family.”
As for me, I love so many things about my Future Mother-In-Law, and a couple of things just drive me nuts. (So, not that much different from my feelings for my own mom, my sister, etc.) As long as your FH is aware enough of his mom’s quirks (or awfulness, as the case may be) to sympathize with you, and has the balls to take your side when necessary, then you’ll be okay. 🙂
Post # 9
@javamonkey: I don’t really like mine either and she doesn’t like me either. She is very controlling, she is a liar, and a hypocrite. We are civil but that’s it.
Post # 11
Mine’s exactly the same – I love her to bits, and she seems to love me, too, but when we visit her, or she visits us, she can be very controlling and try to micro-manage everything we do.
Post # 12
My Future Mother-In-Law should be burned at the stake… If I thought for a second I was “marrying the family, not just the man”, I’d walk out on Fiance so fast there’d be a Tibbs-shaped hole in the door.
Post # 13
People say you marry the family, but you don’t have to believe it. I believe I am marrying my Fiance, not anyone else. I will always be part of my original family, my parents, siblings, etc. It would be neat if I had great relationship with FI’s family but if it doesn’t happen, so what?
We are not joining two families together. I always hated that expression. We are two people making a commitment to each other, nothing more!
Post # 14
I agree! My future Mother-In-Law was the sweetest lady ever for the 6 years we dated. Once we got engaged & started planning the wedding she has done a complete turn and is now someone I would have never imagined. To top it off…. She presentEd me with “her guest list” it had 200 people on it!! I about fell in the floor! Half of them my Fiance has never even heard of!
Post # 15
Fourtanetly right now my Fiance is fed up with her as well. So it’s easier on me.
Post # 16
The “You marry into his family” stuff adds even more layers of drama to the whole thing. No wonder so many people panic at the altar – that’s a lot to sign up for!
You just have to be clear with your fiance and husband. When can you back out of events, what will he do if so-and-so says X to you, etc.
I see my in-laws about once or twice a month. It’s too much for me, to be honest. I’d be happy seeing them about once a season. Mostly because Fiance always wants to go to restaurants with them, and they find a way to embarrass you. Future Father-In-Law is one of the rudest people I’ve ever seen, and Future Mother-In-Law isn’t far behind. They constantly nitpick what they are served, and Future Father-In-Law is a jerk to people who don’t seem to telepathically know that he has dietary restrictions.
But, the times they’re invited over to our place, they either stay super late or they wind up sitting on the couch with Fiance and doing something on the laptop, and I’m left sitting there awkwardly. That happened a few months back. After about 10 minutes, I was like, “Well, clearly no one’s going to involve me…I’ll just go clean.” So I did! If they were upset, too bad. I told Fiance that I’m going to be conveniently gone when things like that happen again. I’m not crazy about being around my in-laws, and what’s the point if I’m going to be ignored for hours? So they can feel better about themselves or something? Stupid.
My parents make the effort, every time, to involve Fiance. My dad and Fiance have a lot of similarities, so my dad will wind up searching for documentaries that he thinks Fiance will also like to watch when we visit. FI’s parents seem to tolerate me at best, throw out pepperings of compliments toward me when they feel they’re socially obligated, and otherwise blissfully ignore my existence.