(Closed) Anyone else have a terrible MIL?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you like your MIL?

    I love her to pieces!

    No, but I try my best for my FI sake.

    Somewhere in the middle.

  • Post # 62
    Member
    208 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Another member of the Can’t Win team here.  We had a good relationship, with its history of ups and downs, but with wedding planning she has freaking lost her mind.  She acts so petty, immature and childish, complains and criticizes constantly, and refuses to treat Fiance with any respect as an adult.  We just had ANOTHER huge issue last night that ended with him talking with both his parents for over two hours after dropping me off.  And what do you know – the parents determined the problem is obviously ME. So much bullshit on so many levels, and it just solidified that…I can’t win.
    I’m just sad and scared.  Reading a bunch about emotional blackmailers and just ordered a copy of Toxic In-Laws.  I hope to god it gets better, but if it doesn’t, we’re just planning on severely restricting contact.  (Funny enough, that’s apparently the same relationship she forces them to have with my FIL’s parents.)  We’ve done it before (our first Christmas together, when she FLIPPED OUT and pulled a lot of the same tricks, and talked shit about me and my family for weeks) and we didn’t see her for months.  May be time for a refresher!

    Post # 63
    Hostess
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think I have a complicated relationship with my Mother-In-Law. I definitely do try to be respectful of her and do care about her. At the same time she’s said and done things that have come across hurtful but overall she isn’t very demanding of me so I’d vote for “in between” leaning more towards the positive side.

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I don’t like my Future Mother-In-Law much at all but I just grin and bear it for fiance’s sake!

    From what I have heard from my fiance and his friends, Future Mother-In-Law was not a great parent to any of her children, she was very distant and didn’t seem to care when any of them were having problems, allowed their father to bully them (he would tell my fiance “I hope you like McDonald’s because you’re so dumb that’s the only place that will hire you”) and is generally a fairly hard person to get along with.

    I always had a weird feeling about her, then FI’s best friend told me a story that really shocked me. Apparently, Fiance was playing basketball and clashed heads with someone, ended up with a HUGE head wound that was bleeding everywhere, suspected concussion and a possible neck injury. FI’s best mate drove him to the hospital but stopped at FI’s house on the way to get his Medicare card. When the best mate told FI’s mother what had happened, she just said ‘oh well’ and didn’t even go to the hospital despite her son having a possibly serious head injury! I was dumbfounded.

    I am also worried about her looking after our future children because she doesn’t seem to keep a very good eye on her granddaughters, and lets people smoke in the house in front of them which I am personally not keen on.

    Post # 65
    Member
    4687 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    My Future Mother-In-Law is a little wacky, but she’s sweet. (I think she smoked too much week in the 60’s/ 70’s)

    It’s a tough thing, in-laws. You’re essentially stealing away their baby.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My fiance’s mother passed away when he was 17. I wish I had the chance to figure out if we would get along or not. Sometimes you have to be thankful for what you have.

    Post # 67
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m in a tough spot with Future Mother-In-Law – she loves me and we get along great, she’s like a new best friend.  But at the same time, she is really hard on Fiance and flies off the handle about little things he does.  I am terrified that someday I’ll be subject to the same behavior…so just be happy that you’re not in the dark wondering..

    Post # 68
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I loved my MIl before we got married and in fact she helped me do more planning than my own mother, but not so much since we’ve been married. My SIL got pregnant and gave her the first grandchild, so she has pretty much ignored us ever since. The part that drives me crazy is how she completely ignores her own son (my husband) because of the baby. She didn’t get us anything for Christmas because she doesn’t have money (understandable) but bought the baby hundreds of dollars in gifts. It’s just inconsiderate things that she does that bothers me. I put mine a little in the middle.

    Post # 69
    Member
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My Future Mother-In-Law is sooo nice. She’s quite young (had FH at 19), trendy and very into exercise and healthy living (she’s the opposite to my mum, although my own mum is also really nice). And Future Mother-In-Law loves me, which is great! Like some others, I’ve dated some guys with pretty horrible and demanding mothers… so I’m just pretty lucky that this one is so lovely! 

    Post # 70
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee

    My Future Mother-In-Law is overly opinionated i.e. your pants are too tight, overly critical, acts like she’s the queen, does her nails and sits around powdering her nose and doesn’t contribute to anything meaningful besides going to weekly bingo sessions and gambling and then bragging about her winnings and giving us the ‘blood money’. Sorry, but your money is worthless. How about you genuinely have feelings and not such an angry soul and actually want to be a part of our lives? Go out to lunch with us, hang out, and participate in our wedding planning without preaching and being overbearing and controlling! 

    Post # 71
    Member
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Mine’s pretty cool and I just recently started getting along with my Future Sister-In-Law too when she used to hate me and pretend I didn’t exist so all’s well in the IL world for me. The only thing that bugs me a bit is my SO acts a little different when my ILs are around…a bit more immature and kind of stuck up my MIL’s ass. I’m learning to ignore it to the best of my ability and I focus on the fact that they’re only here for a short amount of time.

    Post # 72
    Member
    4953 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    She cheated on her husband of 20 years with her high school sweetheart, was caught by her oldest son (my FH), who had to call his dad at work and break the news, and then she married the guy she cheated with… 

    Yeah, she’s not my favorite person in the world. I haven’t even seen her in 3 years.

    Post # 73
    Member
    203 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I love my Future Mother-In-Law, she is very sweet and shy and the first time I met her and my Future Father-In-Law I knew we would get along well.  They have gone above and beyond to make my son and me feel like part of the family including sending vday cards to my son and tons of xmas gifts that say “love grandma and grandpa”.  They do not overstep any boundaries even though they live close to my Fiance and my Future Mother-In-Law always calls or texts my Fiance first to let him know she is going to text me.  I think it’s very sweet.

     

    My ex Mother-In-Law was another story, she’s like Lucifer and I couldn’t get away fast enough. 

    Post # 74
    Member
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I voted “somewhere in the middle.” I do love her to pieces, and she really has treated me as one of her own… but she has said/done very hurtful, insensitive things that really bothered me. She’s like that with her own kids, too, and it’s only occassional, so I just take it as part of the package. She is who she is, and overall she’s pretty great.

    Post # 75
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    MY Mother-In-Law…. When I was dating my boyfriend, who is my husband now… She was the nicest women.. & she always told me, she thank GOD for sending me into her sons life coz he only listens to me…. But when we got married, she told me off straight in my face that I dont know how to look after him n I’m not fit to be her DIL.. All of a sudden… Haihz.. How ppl can just change with a snap of a finger!!! Amazing huh!

    Post # 76
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Mine does the ‘helpless victim’ act which annoys the fuck out of me.  She’s only 63, healthier than I am, still married to Future Father-In-Law, beautiful house worth a fortune, has a well paid part time job, new company car, tonnes of friends, tonnes of relations.  A life that anyone would want, basically. 

    All she does is whinge.  Whinges non-stop to Fiance about Future Father-In-Law, seems to think that life owes her more.  Always bleating about how she needs ‘more help’ – I got annoyed once when Fiance mentioned this and said ‘what, to breathe?’  By contrast, my mother is 73, been divorced for 24 years, has had several heart attacks, and is still far more independant than Future Mother-In-Law.

    So suffice to say, I’m not a fan. 

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