Post # 1
We started drawing up the guest list the other day and I’m a little put off by how uneven it is, and I’m not sure why! My list seems huge, and FI’s is about half (or less than half) of mine.
This is going to come out sounding horrible, but for the last few years FI was quite Depressed and as a result sort of withdrew from everyone – now he’s doing much better, but he hasn’t made an effort to reconcile with any of the friends/family that he pushed aside and it’s been a huge source of contention in our relationship. So seeing it written out in black & white ink..I dunno, it makes me feel a little sad for him.
This is completely stupid right? He still has a decent amount of people and the ones he truly cares about will be there, which he says is all that matters to him.
Did anyone else have a radically uneven guest list? Is it a big deal? I don’t want him to feel like the entire wedding is my side! It’s his day too :/
Post # 3
I thought my FI would have a bigger half than me (his dad is one of 7, all of whom have kids, and his mum is one of 5, most of whom have kids), but we are EXACTLY even. That is cos I am inviting a couple of second cousins, and also family friends
Post # 4
have you asked him how he feels about the side difference? he may be ok with it 🙂 it’s not a big deal if he doesn’t mind, and just make sure he knows and feels comfortable around as many on your side as possible 🙂
Post # 5
we have a huge uneven guest list. my FI family is huge and mine is not. Plus to add to it im not even inviting my dads side of the family as i havent spoken to thm in ten years. Some days it kinda picks at me as were getting married at his parents cabin as well and his family is very comfortable there and will probably be around the days leading up to it. It is what it is, i cant change it or make my family grow and the way i look at it is my family might be smaller but were waaay closer 🙂
Post # 6
Mr. S’s side is about 180, and mine is about 20. I don’t feel sad about that at all, except money-wise, of course!
I come from a very small nuclear family, who doesn’t speak to any of the extendeds (they’re insane). I also moved around a lot throughout my life, and friends sort of just went through my hands like sand. I’m not sad about it; it’s just different. Mr. S, however, grew up in the same town, has lived here his whole life with a large group of very extraverted friends. So, yeah, he knows a lot of people.
You’re joining families. Soon, there won’t be a his side/her side. So ultimately, it doesn’t matter.
Post # 7
@HerNameWasLola: the invite list was pretty even. but seeing as most of FI’s family doesn’t have the money to travel from Wisconsin/U.P of Michigan to Virginia… I know it is going to be very uneven.
Post # 8
Ours is the other way around–his list is HUGE and mine is really small. He has two sides of family (mom and dad, plus three people from his stepmom’s family), though, and I just have my mom’s side. All of my close friends are in the BP, as well, so it’s mostly his friends. I’m okay with it–we don’t have “sides” for the ceremony, so it won’t really matter.
Post # 9
I think over the years my friends and his friends have just sort of morphed into our friends. So our personal list is our joint list. But in terms of my family and his, his family is coming from the other side of the world, so they have like no one on their list. It will just be his mom, grandparents, uncle and cousin, and then one friend that lives in the states. So the guest list is virtually entirely my parents’ friends and our family.
Post # 10
yes, by a lot. i have a big family and dh has a very small family and they all live in england. we are both encores and only wanted an intimate wedding with immediate family and very close extended family and closest friends. 38 guests. 4 on his side, 34 on mine.
Post # 11
Our guest list is CRAZY uneven.
My fiance literally only has 5-10 family members. Period. And he hasn’t spoken to most of them in at least 5 years. No bad blood or anything, it’s just the way his family is.
He also has a much smaller circle of friends from school, work, etc, so his total # of people is probably around 50.
On the other hand, my family is huuuuuuge. My mom literally has about 60-80 first cousins. It’s absurd. “My” side of things, family and friends totaled, is going to be about 200.
I do feel bad (guilty) for the big difference, but he’s taking it very well. He does get nervous around new people/big crowds, but he said he’s glad to become a part of something so different fro what he’s used to.
Just talk to your fiance and make sure he’s comfortable with the guest list and all the people. Try not to feel guilty; the situation is not your fault.
And don’t worry about having a “his side” and “her side.” Just let people sit wherever they want and mix them up. It is two families becoming one afterall!
Post # 12
Yes! I have a large family with aunts and uncles and cousins to invite… but the groom’s side is only going to have his parents. He’s an only child and hasn’t spoken to his cousins since before we started dating (ten years ago). He also had a bit of a falling out with his best friend a year or so ago, so I don’t know what we’re going to do about his side of the bridal party… But that’s a different story altogether.
Post # 13
There are many different reasons for a disparity in numbers between the bride and groom. Don’t let it worry you. Have your ushers seat the guests randomly on both sides, other than immediate family.
Post # 14
I honestly don’t think it matters. Unless you one person was being forced to cut their guestlist. I also don’t think it’s a reason to mad at your Fi if he happy where he at and with his currently relationships and more imporantly has his depression under control then let it go it’s fine!
Post # 15
Yep, but it doesn’t matter. We have about 100 from my side and 40 from my FI’s (my family is paying).
Post # 16
Our guest list is incredibly uneven as well. My side will have close on 150 guests, where as his will have maybe only 20 (if he’s lucky). The reason that the sides are so uneven is because my FI is from Ireland – and most of his friends and relatives can’t afford to travel to Chicago for the wedding. D: