(Closed) Anyone else have an apathetic/uninterested bridesmaid?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

SummerBride87:  If you don’t expect anything from her other than the dress and showing up at the wedding I’m a little confused as to the issues with the bachelorette and bridal shower. I could be way off base, but it sounds like you actually do expect a little more of her. 

Post # 4
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes I did, mostly because she was jealous. I ignored it and just made sure she ordered her dress and showed up at the wedding. It was fine, but she better not expect me to be jumping up and down for her wedding!

Post # 5
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

SummerBride87:  Not everyone is happy/excited to be in a wedding party.  Quite honestly, I hate having to be a bridesmaid and I do look at it as a hassle.  A $30 dress is still $30 she wouldn’t have to spend otherwise, plus the time it will take to order, try on and alter the dress.  In addition, it sounds like she also has to attend a shower and a bachelorette party.  My wedding party didn’t pay for anything except their travel expenses, but it still didn’t surprise me if they didn’t text me back because they have lives of their own.  No one will care as much about your wedding as you do, so try not to take the lack of interest personally, she’s probably still very happy for you.

Post # 6
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s always a bummer when good friends aren’t as interested in your wedding as you hopped with would be.  After all, as a good friend, you would hope that they’d be interested in your important life events!

However, sometimes we find that people aren’t as excited/interested as we’d hope.  First and foremost, you do have to remember that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you.  Second, some people are just not into weddings.  That doesn’t mean they don’t support you or care about you, it just means they don’t really care about centerpieces or Bridesmaid or Best Man shoes or DIY craft nights.  Third, how often are you talking about wedding stuff?  Are you remembering to ask her about what’s going on in her life?  Sometimes brides get a bit carried away and end up only talking about their wedding.  So maybe your friend feels you are interested in her life?  Or maybe she has something else going on that you aren’t aware of.

Also, when is your wedding?  Usually people don’t start getting excited about your wedding until after the 6 month mark and usually closer to the 3 month mark.  So if she’s not interested now, she might be down the line.

I think your best course of action is to just talk to her and ask her what’s going on.  If she’s usually very responsive, hopefully you can figure out the reason why she’s changed.  Of course, if she’s normally not very responsive, then you can’t expect her to change just because you’re getting married and you’ll have to just come to terms that she’ll be difficult to get in touch with.

Post # 7
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My Future Sister-In-Law on my husband’s side was that way. She has never been into girly stuff that does not pertain to her style. I new that asking her. I found out later that she was dealing wiht jelousy issues about her life and how mine was going. We are married or getting married to brothers so there is some adjustment. I was happy to have her stand there, but I had to accept that she would not be the one crying with me about walking down the isle. 

Post # 8
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

MrsSparkle10:  +1, sounds like you are asking more of her than a dress & showing up.

But anyway, it’s a bummer when a friend is not excited for you, but try not to take it personally.  She may just have other stuff going on in her life or just not enjoy these types of events.  

To deal with it, I’d do my best to just ignore it and lower my expectations of her. 

Post # 9
342 posts
Helper bee

I WAS an apathetic bridesmaid (MOH). Seriously, my best friend was getting married around the same time my ex-husband (who I wasn’t quite over yet) was getting remarried. It took all I had to throw her a shower and pretend to be happy (I was seriously depressed). She called me out on it nicely, “Hey, remember me? My wedding is 3 months away…” I felt stupid for not being over my ex, but once I told her, I felt a huge relief and was able to be happy for her and help her out. And, she was also able to understand where I was coming from.

You just never know what someone is going through. Wedding can be really hard for some people. But, a good friend who can listen without wedding talk is SO helpful.


Post # 10
6529 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

SummerBride87:  i experienced this with ALL of my BMs. Here is what I did…IGNORED IT. I continued with my planning. Told them the time of their hair and makeup appts and thats it. I was not about to let them ruin my happy moment. It only comes once. 

Post # 11
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

SummerBride87:  my SIL wasnt very into it. at first she was which was why i was asked to make her a bridesmaid. shes my BILs wife.  i also had to order her dress because she couldnt figure it out. she was going to do the bridesmaids hair since she is a hairstylest from mexico. but she backed out the morning of the wedding. she made the mens boutiners without asking and i felt to bad to refuse but they wornt that pretty and pretty big. but it all worked out. i never brought it up to her. she decided to stay at a B and B instead of with the family. we had rented a large log cabin for the whole family (semi DW). i didnt see her most the time!! she showed up late to the bridal shower and i didnt see her the whole morning i got married. she was getting ready with some other people when she said she would help me. it was really frusterating. but i just had to shrug it off. even when i noticed she had her hair like mine when she was at the wedding. she was also super late to the rehersal and told my Darling Husband that it wasnt till later. so more people were late. we were to decorate that night so it went till midnight the day before the wedding. I also felt like his parents thought my wedding so too much of a big deal. they didnt really help at all. were out of town a lot. his dad just didnt seem happy. threw the whole wedding and the pictures.  i was really upset with that…. they are the nicest sweetest people. they have also been pushing for us to get married so i didnt understand why they were so distant. they are back to their normal loving self afterwards but why during the time i needed them the most….. its disapointing …..but you have to shrug it off. luckily my family was amazing!! and my Maid/Matron of Honor and other BMs were just fabulous!! i could tell these were the people who loved me the most. And when they get married i will do everything i can to help!! my SIL is already married and she had three weddings so why couldnt she suck it up and help me out. 

Post # 12
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

SummerBride87:  I have a family member in my bridal party that was chosen because I asked her sister and I didn’t want to not include her. She is only 21, so way younger than me and I honestly havent asked her to do a thing except buy a dress. 

It was incredibly hard to find a bridal shower date because she was busy almost EVERY weekend between april – june. We finally found a Sunday that worked for her, but then a festival she wanted to attend fell on that date so she started bitching about that…and telling me how she’ll leave the shower early.. how she wants to come to the shower dressed for the festival even though I told her everyone will be in dresses and dressed nicely.

I have chosen to NOT worry about her – she can do what she pleases – she will only make herself look like an asshole! My other bridesmaids (including her sister) are awesome and came and did DIY and wedding errands with me the weekend of FI’s bachelor party. 

I would try to take her aside, one on one, and ask her if something is going on in her life. Is she ignoring only texts about the wedding – or ALL texts from you? If it is all texts, then I’d be concerned about something going on with her personal life. Approach it as that – not as “why arent you excited for my wedding” – but “I’ve noticed you’ve been really distant lately. Is something going on in your life?” 

Post # 13
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It’s worth considering that maybe your apathetic bridesmaid doesn’t like your fiance and can’t express it to you without the possibility of doing major damage to your friendship.

I was an apathetic bridesmaid for my former best friend. I was concerned for her, because I didn’t understand her choice of husband, and she could tell that something was wrong. A few days before the wedding, she asked me why I wasn’t excited for her wedding. I lied and told her I was afraid it would change our friendship.

After the wedding, the friendship suffered a slow death. By the next year, we were no longer talking or seeing each other. I have not seen her for three years now. I wish things had gone differently, but they didn’t, and I learned a big life lesson that sometimes friendships don’t survive major events like weddings.

Post # 14
13 posts

SummerBride87:  Hi there I had that issue in fact she said to me “I feel like I don’t even have a choice to be in your wedding”. I’ve been super nice to her and I tell her again and again how much I appreciate her being a part of this. I also let her know again and again no pressure. Either I’m killing her with kindness or she’s coming around. I’m leaving it up to her to bow out if she really doesn’t want to be a part of it. Other wise I’m moving full steem ahead. If you’ve already tride this you can try talking to her and just getting to the root of the issue.

Belive it or not I find her easier to deal with then my other bridesmaid. We went dress shopping and she was bossie, rude and impatient. She complained about every dress she tried on until the other two bridesmaids agreed to buy the dress she liked best. She’s impossible to get in touch with and been pretty rude. I’ve shut my mouth for a while now. You just have to remeber this is about you and your fiancé not your bridal party. Enjoy the processes as much as you can. And don’t let Debbie Downers mess it up for you!

Post # 15
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yes, I had one, but I just let it go and didn’t ask her for help with anything.  She just wasn’t dependable for that stuff.  She did show up on time to get ready for the wedding though.

My mom made me put her in the bridal party, because she was my cousin.

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