(Closed) Anyone else have friends obsessed with their kids?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like these women are in a different stage of life than you right now. There’s nothing wrong with that. Go hang out with different friends, or join a group/find a hobby that doesn’t include parenting. 

I wouldn’t cut ties with them though…if you ever do decide to have kids they will be a valuable resource for you! (Plus, hand me downs.)

Post # 3
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

I love my children, I’ve got three boys. But when I get a night out, it’s my escape and I soak it up!

I will say, on the other side of the coin that a lot of new moms literally have nothing going on in their lives in that first year other than baby (and that’s how it should be for the most part, it’s the largest focus of their life maintaining that little person)! So what else can they talk about? I probably bored a lot of my non-mom friends over the first year, especially with my third son because I stayed home and it was the absolute largest part of my life. I didn’t have anything else to talk about because my days were spent deciphering if his poop should look like that, keeping him on his nap schedule and attempting to do infinite amounts of laundry. It’s just how it goes.

I’d be willing to bet that a lot of new moms feel awkward being out and hearing stories about everything their non-parent friends are doing and feeling like they don’t have much to add.

Post # 4
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not all of my friends with kids are like this, but some are. They’re insufferable. 

Post # 5
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Mlim: “Is it sad to say that maybe I should find a new group of friends?”

No, it’s not sad, it’s just life.  You should make some new friends that are more like minded and share more interests with you.  

This group of friends that all had babies recently are in a different stage with a different focus now and that’s not going to change any time soon so you might as well get used to it.  There is nothing wrong with that on their part.  You can still maintain friendships with them and you should if you value them.  But you’ll do well to make some new friends  that are more aligned with your life style at this point.

Its a tough transition, I do feel for you.  But it’s natural, it’s just what happens.  Time to broaden your social circle 😊

 

Post # 6
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I really can’t imagine a parent not “obsessed” like you discribed. It seams natural for this repetative conversation to be happening.

If you want new non-mommy friends then go find some. You can’t have too many friends

Post # 7
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
Mlim:  I agree with others, they are in a different life stage than you and just like traveling, etc is important to you, their kids are what is important to them. I’m also childfree and plan to be for the rest of my life (luckily fiance is on board with that 100%) and am in my early 30s, so this is something I have dealt with for a while. I have 6 close friends from college, 5 have 3 kids each (15 kids between them!). They do enjoy kidfree talk every once in a while, but there’s days/weeks at a time that I have to bow out of our group texts because they just talk about kids and nothing else. 

After college, we all have stayed close, but I joined the Peace Corps and then went to graduate school and worked internationally for a time. I made close friends in my new life stages, but still value my friendships with those girls from college. It sometimes takes a little extra effort on my part to maintain the relationships, but it’s worth it and it’s easier because I have other friendships to focus on.

I wouldn’t feel bad for making new friends, it’ll take pressure off your current friends to fulfill your needs for interaction that doesn’t involve kids. I feel like my relationships with my friends with kids has only improved since I have cultivated other friendships.

Post # 8
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Yes, everyone I have ever known with kids, is exactly the way you describe. My sisters in law, when the kids were little; they are grown now.

Girls at work, which is tricky because there were days my tolerance level wasn’t as good as others, for listening nonstop to kid stories, problems.

It is also society. Right now in this time in the US, everyone goes by the idea that there can never be too much to be about kids. Things change.

Post # 9
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Ugh. I sympathize. 

Most of my friends have kids. One of my friends behaves similarly to the friends you describe. In general, it’s poor manners to sustain a conversation only about oneself when in the company of others. Your friends know that you don’t have a child, and cannot relate, yet they continue talking only of a topic that excludes you. Rude. 

Honestly, I would move on. Plenty of people have kids, and manage to talk about them in a way that is not so self-absorbed. Kids are great, but there’s other stuff going on in the world, too. 

Post # 10
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
Mlim:  I think you need to spend time with a group of people who have a similar mindset and interests. I don’t think it’s the fact that these friends have kids – it’s the fact that they don’t seem to have any other interests or passions outside of their children.

FWIW, there are plenty of women (myself included) who are moms and while we definitely talk about their kids and give their friends updates when we get together – I shamelessly bust out the million photos of my daughter on my iphone BUT it’s not a topic of converstaion that takes over our entire evening when a bunch of us get together. We also catch up and update each other on our professional lives, vacation plans, current events, etc.

I do know a few people who sound like your friends and they’re a bit much for me. I try to minimize the amount of time I spend with them if our kids are not involved in the outing – they get a little insufferable.

When I’m with my friends for a night out, I want to be able to relax and discuss things that I am passionate about and interest me. I can save the discussion of which playground to take her to or whether she’s spitting up too much with my husband.

Post # 11
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Saint Domingue

I’ve since deleted my initial response. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by JaybirdsInJackboots. Reason: Deleted because I couldn't think of a nice way to say what I said
Post # 12
Member
6309 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve got several friends like that, but I’ve got just as many mom friends who don’t talk about their kids. The ones I hang out with are usually those who don’t talk about their kids. Then again, most of my closest mom friends still make girls night a priority and take vacations without their kids. They’re some of the best parents I know, but they fully believe that it’s a really healthy balance to not make your lives completely obsessed about your kids. 

It’s just about different stages of life. At 30, almost all of my friends are already done having kids or are right in the state (a few years younger than me) that they’re just starting. I don’t have any (yet) and I’ve found that my friends with babies talk about it ALL THE TIME while my friends with toddler age and older don’t talk about it that much. 

Post # 13
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

This happened to me and I will say that it got better once the kids were a little older. I came to realize that for my friends with brand-new babies, they had nothing else going on because they were still adjusting to the shock of the lifestyle change, or they were out on maternity leave or had left their jobs, had no time for other hobbies because they were nursing around the clock, etc. Once the kids got to be more toward toddler age I wasn’t getting the “poop reports” anymore because my friends’ lives had settled down.

Start spending time with other friends but don’t lose touch with this group if you genuinely like all of them. It’s a life stage issue that will most likely work itself out.

Post # 14
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

As some pp said, sometimes that is all they talk about because there is literally nothing else going on in their life. I’m a stay at home mom to a toddler and pregnant. I haven’t seen friends in months. It is rare that I talk to another adult that isn’t a doctor or my parents. I hate to think I am boring and annoying my friends, but I just can’t go out and do what they do until they kids are older.

Post # 15
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

I have friends like this, but really they liked to talk about themselves before they had kids too. First it was all about their boyfriend, then engagement and rings and wedding planning, then their houses and now kids. I don’t mind hearing about my friend’s lives, but the people who I gravitate towards are much more well rounded and have interests and hobbies outside of themselves. I have a 3 week old and still manage to have conversations about other topics besides my daughter- honestly, I get bored talking about her too after a while. 

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