Post # 1
I know most people love using the word “Husband” and think it is so much better than the word fiance.
I, on the other hand, am having a really hard time with the word husband and am not sure why. I think it might be because of the different adjectives I think of when I think of husband. I think explosive, dominant, requiring submission, rigid, demanding etc… I don’t think all of the negative connotations came from personal life experience (though perhaps some), but rather from the dominant culture that surrounds us.
So, I’ve been toying with other words to use. I thought I’d use partner, but that feels a little dishonest since it seems more dedicated to same sex relationships. I’ve been trying out spouse, but it still doesn’t feel natural. I’ve tried husband a few times, but I literally choke on the word!
I know most people don’t have this same problem, but if you did, please share how you either 1) overcame it or 2) found another word that works better. I’m all ears! Mr. DG says that it doesn’t hurt him that I’m working all of this out, because whatever I call him the committment is the same… but I really want to make him happy and he absolutely loves calling me wife! There has to be a word that expresses the depth of my love and the commitment of our relationship without all the cultural connotations, doesn’t there?
Post # 3
It weirds me out, too. We’ve been shortening it to make it more cutesy and we use it in text messages to get used to it. I’ll call him “hubs” sometimes. But in reality, even when we were engaged or just bf/bf, we tended to address each other by our first names. Whereas my parents always called each other by pet names or mom or dad when we were little or honey or stuff. We tend to call each other “bubs” or shortened versions of our first names. Even when I’d introduce him to other people, i always introduced him by his first name.
maybe this won’t change for us! But yeah, calling him “My husband” is weird. I try to use it a lot on the boards to get used to it though. It still feels weird tho
Post # 4
I have a friend who doesn’t like the word ‘husband’, so she and her husband call eachother ‘Committed Life Partner”, or sometimes “L.P.” for short, and occasionally just, “Commitment”. I think it started out as something that they thought was silly and fun, and now they can’t stop.
Post # 5
Over the past 2 months, I’ve gotten used to saying husband. It does depend on the social circle, though, of who I’m talking to. Most of the time away from family, I refer to him as my partner because I don’t want the heterosexual implications of “husband”. I don’t think that the people I’m speaking to think that my partner is a woman, and even if they do it doesn’t bother me.
Post # 6
we slipped into using husband and wife real easy, hubby already has a habit of calling me “wife” instead of by name. eg; ‘hello my wife’ when i come home or when he phones me and i do the same to him and when he introduces me to people he tends to say “this is my wife” and forgets my first name – hes still in training 😉
Post # 7
I decided early on that I would call him my “partner.” Like mary-alice-me, I don’t care if people think I’m in a same-sex relationship. I don’t feel great about the baggage that goes with “husband” and like what “partner” expresses. We’ll see if that changes when we get married, but for now that’s what I call him!
I didn’t think I’d use “fiance” either, but that has been coming easier the more I use it. Maybe you just need to practice “husband,” doctorgirl! (Great to see you back, btw!)
Post # 8
it hasn’t been to hard to slip into calling my husband by that name, though most frequently I refer to him as hubs or hubby. It’s been weird switching in on Weddingbee mostly, because I am so used to calling him “fi”
I think thinking about who Mr. DG is to you–rather than a cultural stereotype is the only way to get beyond that. Husband can mean something in particular to you…
It doesn’t technically mean anymore than the male half of a marriage!
Hope you get this worked out in your head and heart and come up with something that works for you. it just takes some time to get used to!
edited to add: @d’orsay: “reclaim” is exactly the word I was looking for!
Post # 9
I would feel a little weird calling someone my “life partner”, only because that is a word that is used legally for gay partnerships. I wanted to add my fiance to my insurance and our benefits lady told me I should be able to with a letter that we lived together and were in a common law marriage. She provided me a form and when my friend that works at a law firm saw that it read “life partner” everywhere she said that was odd wording because it was typically used for gay marriages.
I a not trying to discourage anyone, just my two cents. I hope I didn’t offend anyone.
I am the opposite of you, doctorgirl. I cannot wait until the day I can call him my husband. Even with our society I do not associate the same adjectives when I think “husband”. I think loving, my rock, togetherness, strength, stability, commitment…I can see how the way you associate the word would make you weary of using it though.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
In England people say partner all the time. I like to use partner too and so does he, but I also don’t mind the word husband – I think I assosciate different conotations with it. However, I sometimes think of repressed housewife when i say wife…which I think is kinda wrong. Wives and Husbands of all types come with those labels, I like the type of Wife and Husband we’ll be to each other, so maybe I should work on reclaiming those words 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
I actually really like the word “husband” — but have a problem with the word “wife.” Don’t know what it is — it just rubs me the wrong way! Before we were even engaged, I told the mister he’d have to call me his “post-fiancee” once we were married.
Post # 12
I got used to saying ‘my husband’ really fast once I started a new job. Since I’m still getting to know everyone in the office, when I am telling a story it is easier to say ‘my husband’, rather than his first name. Now it just rolls off the tongue, haha.
Post # 13
I feel akward using the word Husband because its new, but it makes me smile and we use “husband” and “wife” as new pet names because they make us giggle. Yeah – we act like 5 year olds. 🙂
Post # 14
Maybe it’s a case of getting used to it. It’s obviously not quite the same thing, but I was quite worried about the e-ring. I never wore rings and thought they made my hands look weird. I also had thoughts concerning whether or not it symbolized that I was now “owned”. Since we got engaged, I love love love my e-ring. It feels weird when it’s off. When I look at it I think of Mr D and the fun we had picking it out together. It doesn’t make me feel owned at all.
In that vein, I’ve come across some couples who refer to each other as “my wife” and “my husband”. To me that feels a bit weird. It’s not so much the wife/husband aspect, but again, how “owner-y” it feels. I know other couples who’ll say instead, for example, “… Alice, my wife…” or “… Tom, my husband…”. To me it makes the reference more personal to your partner. Maybe that might be a way to think of the word husband… with your FI’s name in front of it? Then he’s still your man, but your hubbie to boot!
Post # 15
I don’t like it either- I’ll only use it when it is convienant to me, ie, emergency situations involving his family (gets you through the door) and anytime I need access to him and have trouble getting it. Outside of that, I will probably refer to him as my significant other, and on occasion, partner. I don’t even call him fiance, I still call him my boy, or the boy, hah
Post # 16
I like saying husband but I dont that often, it just feels weird too. And for some reason, I feel like when I say husband to people who KNOW my husband, when I could say his name, that Im flaunting that Im married. I know Im weird 🙂