(Closed) Anyone else have trouble with maid of honor?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I let my bridesmaid and Maid/Matron of Honor pick their own dresses and hairstyle, so I didn’t really have this problem.  Would you be open to letting her pick?

Post # 18
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@FutureMrsKenward:  Ohh, yikes.  Just saw the dress she suggested.  I would be horrified if a bride asked me to wear that (of course, that reflects my opinion at 29, if I was 19 or soemthign I’d think it was cute).  

Yeah, you’ve got trouble on your hands.  

Post # 19
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Lol, I had a huge blow out with my MoH last night and learned she never even wanted to be MoH in the first place and I have stressed her out SOOOOOOOO bad (by not asking her to do anything at all :P). All sorts of other nonsense and she has acted like my wedding is an inconvenience from day one (and now I know why!). So no, you’re not the only one.

I let my girls pick their own dresses that they’d like and feel comfy in and wear again, and just requested they all get the same fabric/color (cuz the color can look different depending on the fabric), if that is something you would be willing to do maybe that’s a compromise?

That said, the dress you picked is gorgeous and elegant and super appropriate. The one she sent looks like something a teenager would wear. Ugh, how awful. 

I also let my girls pick all of their own hair styles and I’m just paying for them to have whatever style they want. I also let them wear shoes that 2 of the 3 own and the 3rd can buy her pair at Payless for $20. 😛 Everyone seemed super grateful for not having to stand around in heels they’d wear only once and they all felt like princesses in their dresses so I must have done something right (even though I’m a demanding and stressful lunatic, donchaknow).

Post # 20
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ugh my computer has been double posting all day, sorry!

Post # 21
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re not being sensitive. I would ask her if there’s really something else going on or if there’s something she’s thinking/feeling but not telling you that is making her act this way. If she says there isn’t anything wrong, but continues to act the way she has been, I’d just drop her as a bridesmaid.

If you want your bridesmaids to wear a certain dress and hairstyle, then that’s what they should wear. It’s one day, if they can’t stand to wear a dress, hairstyle, and accessories they don’t like for one day then they don’t need to be in the wedding. Of course they can say if they don’t like something, but if you decide that’s what you want, that’s it. If they don’t have enough money for something or part of what they need to wear, of course offering substitutions is a good idea, or offering to help with the cost, but you shouldn’t have to compromise what you want because a bridesmaid doesn’t like it. 

Post # 22
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

You are over a year out from your wedding.  I would sit her down and talk about the stuff you’ve mentioned here, and tell her you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s your best friend, and you love her, but a Maid/Matron of Honor role is to be crucial support to the bride, and her go to person, and you don’t feel like when it comes to the decisions you are making regarding YOUR wedding, you have her support.  Point out (make notes if you have to) all the examples where she’s pushing back on you. Use “I” statements to let her know how you feel (“I feel like you aren’t happy with my taste and the dresses I like”, “I feel like I’m being second guessed every time I make a decision”).

Let her know you value her friendship, but being a Maid/Matron of Honor is closer to being a job than it is a symbol of being your best friend (though ideally, it would be both–some people are really not capable or suited for the responsibility). Ask her if she actually wants the job, and let her know you don’t feel like her heart is in it, and that that’s ok and you won’t be angry or hold it against her, but if she does want it, you really need her to step up and start being supportive and agreeable. 

I am a firm believer that she can have her own opions and express them, however the manner he is doing it makes her an obstructionist.  You don’t need that a year out from your wedding, you don’t need that a week before your wedding, and you don’t need that the day of your wedding.

Post # 23
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have to ask – is your friend just an opininated person? You can’t expect someone to suddenly change just bc they are our Maid/Matron of Honor. As everyone has said, you pick the dress, everyone picks their own hair. Avoid bringing up wedding talk w her and listen to her opinions with grace. Do not fire her, that is unexcusable and she hasn’t done anything to warrant it.

Post # 26
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s your wedding. You can ask your bridesmaids to wear their hair, and even makeup, in a specific way if that is what you want. And it will matter if one of your bridesmaids has her hair down when everyone else has theirs in a soft bun. Stick to your guns on the things that are important to you. She is your Maid/Matron of Honor and should be supportive.  If she refuses to be, kick her out of the bridal party. It’s not worth it. 

Post # 28
Member
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

The dress she wants looks like it should belong to a 16 year old at a school dance. Just…no.

Post # 29
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@whoa_its_ash:  

View original reply
@FutureMrsKenward:  

Agreed to both of you!  That dress is litterally from a prom website.  And for a prom it would be cute, and for some people it would be cute, but I think your idea of a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress is much classier. 

 

Post # 31
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Stillwell House

I feel for you.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is my 18-yr. old daughter and only child.  I cut alot of ties when I moved 3k miles away a few years ago to take care of my clinically depressed mother.  My daughter has been the one constant in my life and we have the usual tensions and fights on top of her beginning a new schooling program (last minute) and new job, and deadbeat boyfriend.  I keep telling her she is really just the flower girl because so far, no help. 

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