(Closed) Anyone else have trouble with maid of honor?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FutureMrsKenward:  First off I had a similar situation but I had a bad experience with my Maid/Matron of Honor. I paid for the bridemaids dresses, make up, hair and their accomodation. There are a couple of things you are going to learn about your childhood friend that you were not aware of previously. I guess it’s a moment in your life where you will need to learn how to manage relationships. My Maid/Matron of Honor took her title to heart and was very focused on “her”. Her dress, hair, make up and accessories had to be different and catered to her. She found it very hard to integrate with the other bridesmaids and coordinate a cohesive look (outside of herself). On my wedding day when my hair and make up was nearly complete, she made comments about my choices. This is fine but you know what “this is you’re wedding and not hers”.

Here is the deal. Your going to need to be clear about your vision (i.e., what YOU want). Sometimes if your looking for a life long friend to share every detail and decision of your wedding, this does not often work. Thats OK. Point being you need to state what you want and not feel bad that your best friend is not in sync (it’s your wedding and not hers). The sooner you realize this and not be afraid to state your point of view the better. Take control. Life goes on after weddings come and go. 

Post # 33
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureMrsKenward:  Since you’re paying for everything, I think you should give an ultimatum of sorts:

This is my wedding and I’m paying, so we’re doing it my way. That means I choose the dress. When it’s your wedding, we’ll do everything your way. Agreed?”

Hopefully that will work. I didn’t have to do that with my Maid/Matron of Honor but (on a non wedding issue) I once had to use a similar line with my mother, and it worked.

As for things that don’t directly involve her (like centrepieces and bouquets), if she continues to be negative, just shut her out of the process.

Post # 34
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@FutureMrsKenward:  she sounds kind of like a bitch. I don’t understand why she is making snide comments on everything that you pick. and I don’t get why she wouldn’t just buy the dress where everyone else Is. What does she think a bridesmaids should do? 

To answer your question though, my Maid/Matron of Honor is great and hasnt given me any problems. 

ETA: since you’re paying she needs to suck it up and wear what you want and wear her hair how you want it or shes out. A Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t be stressing you out

Post # 35
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@beachbride1216:  I completely agree with her. Honesty it sounds like she’s jealous your being married first. I’m sorry your going thru this

Post # 36
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

@FutureMrsKenward:  Wow! She sounds quite awful! I have know my best friend since grade 9 too. She has asked me to be in her bridal party also, we are often sending pics back and forth, I would not dare say something is disgusting or refuse anything for her. If I don’t like something she sends me I tell her because she has asked me to be honest with her, but never do it rudly. It is YOUR wedding, YOU get to choose everything! I would stand up to her with “Thank you for your input but it is predominantley feeling negative, please respect that this is MY day and I get to choose how I want MY day to be, you will have your turn and I will be supportive of your choices!”

Post # 38
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrsKenward:  Is she serious?!

First she is making demands and now she wants to look like CHARRO at your wedding?!

Post # 39
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

…… that hair & that dress…… wow… just wow. That is just so over the top I can’t help but wonder if she is just fucking around, haha. Sheesh!

Btw, the hair and dress you picked out is such a beautiful and elegant look, if I were a bridesmaid in your wedding I would be so excited!

Post # 40
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If she wants to wear that prom dress, obviously meant for an 18 year old, and that hair….please, let her. Let her pay for it, of course, but just let her do it. 

Everyone will have a show along with the wedding. Definitely something to laugh at. She sounds ridiculous & jealous. 

Post # 42
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would say to reconsider your stance on the hair. Personally, I wouldn’t want to wear a bun either, because I have a round face and don’t like to not have some hair in the front. (That said, if I were in a wedding and the bride said so, I would do it…lol I just wouldn’t be thrilled.) Talk to her about the dresses though – that’s a lot of money, and if you are the one paying, you definitely have a say. If she wants to look like she’s going to the prom, it sounds like she’s not clear on your idea for your wedding (or the fact that fall probably doesn’t mean that kind of dress!) and maybe she needs some clarification. If she’s just outright being rude, call her on it. “I heard you the first time about (whatever). You don’t have to keep telling me.” Is she jealous? Is she usually an over-the-top person?

Post # 43
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

She can’t be serious…

I’m not a fan of brides saying you have to wear your hair a certain way or makeup a certain way, I just want my BMs to be comfortable. But there’s a difference between comfortable and OUT OF CONTROL UGLY!

And if you are paying then yes, you do have more of a say.

Sounds like she’s jealous to me. I’d have a serious talk with her. This isn’t an opportunity for her to make a fool of herself- if she wants to wear that dress with that hair she can do it at her OWN wedding.

Post # 44
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Um…….woooooooooow to the hair. Shut it down. If she can’t accept no for an answer, then maybe you should remove her. I’m sorry if it will come to that but dang. Just no.

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