- 11 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
Most of my extended family is scattered across the country, literally (NY, VA, NC, OR, AZ, WA, TN) but I happen to lve in the same town as one of my uncles and his wife and their almost nine-year old daughter. My uncle’s wife is estranged from her family (she pulled away from them, not the other way around) and she has not become a favorite in-law of ANYONE. She constantly wants things to be her way and makes her daughter feel bad about things that happen, because my aunt feels that way.
Case in point: up until very VERY recently, my cousin, who is on only child by the way, acted like a spoiled brat anytime I was around. She’d do something, my uncle would tell her to stop about 10 times, and finally he got fed up and put her in time out. She threw a tantrum during time-out, and my aunt went up to get her and comforot her literally about a minute later. Because my cousin is a spoiled brat, I didn’t really like to spend time with her, and I’ve never felt comfortable around my uncle’s wife.
Two years ago I was at dinner at their house and my uncle’s wife REAMED me out… IN FRONT of her child. I don’t care if you ream me out, but at least dont’ do it in front of your child. In any case, she pretty much told me I was awful and I didn’t care about my cousin, and she said a lot of other hurtful things, which I won’t get into here. One thing she was very clear about though, was that I was never EVER to take her daughter ANYWHERE EVER. My uncle was super apologetic, blaming it on my aunt not feeling good because of an accident she had been in.
Fast forward a few years. I still make attempts to talk to my aunt, and do a few things with my cousin, but I don’t like being screamed at. Last December my grandmother died and we all went to the funeral, and my aunt acted up again, this time yelling at my dad and other siblings about how awful they all treat my uncle. (Everyone agrees she just wants attention and that it’s ridiculous, even my uncle!) I mentioned to people then my Fiance and I were thinking of marriage, and my aunt said something (to someone else) that I BETTER have my cousin in the wedding party. Later than month she wrote several VERY nasty emails about me and my failded relationshiop with her to my parents, claiming that I take no interest in my cousin, and that my cousin adores me and just wants me to do something with her…. if I remember, I was told to NEVER EVER take her child anywhere – I’ve heeded that.
Fast forward to now, 3 months before our wedding. FI and I decided my cousin is too old to be a flower girl, but thought she might like to light the candles at the front of the church. I mentioned it to my uncle months ago, but had to ask the pastor if it was okay for a 9-year-old to do that, so I just asked my cousin help a few weeks ago… she didn’t really seem to care one way or another.
Now, my aunt found out that my best friend is my Maid/Matron of Honor and her two little girls (3&6) are flower girls. My aunt is also friends with my friend, but my aunt has now decided she can’t be friends with the Maid/Matron of Honor, because that would hurt my cousin too much, since I apparently care more about them than I do my cousin.
Sorry this post was so long, but it’s a short version of the drama… and boy can you say drama! I needed a place to vent, so thanks to all of you that read all this. I’m not sure what to do about the situation, but one thing I refuse to do is give in to my aunt’s wishes and give my cousin a bigger role (my brother doesn’t even have a role – he’s an usher) than what we picked out for her. I explained to my uncle the reasoning that my cousin is "too old" to be a flower girl, but that lighting the candles would be great. Honestly, I think my cousin would be fine with it if my AUNT didn’t decide to make a big deal over it. I went to many an aunt/uncle’s wedding when I was little, and wasn’t in a SINGLE ONE of those weddings… and my parents told me that you don’t always get your way.
I’m honestly ending the post here, but hive, do you have any thoughts, or have you had any unnecessary family drama about wedding party members?