Post # 1
I’m not new to WB, but started a new account because this is a pretty, ahem, personal matter. I’m wondering if anyone else out there has or has had vaginismus. It’s basically a condition where your vaginal muscles tense up and make it difficult to have sex. I’m hoping there’s someone out there who’s gone through this and can give me some advice and/or encouragement.
Post # 3
I personally don’t have it, but I did watch a special on the Tyra show the other day. You might try her website to see if they have anything on it.
Post # 4
I don’t have it, but have you been to webmd? They have information, along with support boards to go along with different conditions. Hope that helps!
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
My Maid/Matron of Honor had it, and she was miserable. I believe she was prescribed a mild antidepressant or antianxiety, plus an NSAID. It eventually got better. I’ll ask her when she’s online how she got through it. 🙂
Sorry this is happening! I’ll report back later.
P.S. And if you haven’t, you should see an MD.
Post # 6
Thank you all for your responses! I’ve done research online and there are a few support groups, but it’s relatively rare (or just underdiagnosed) so there’s not much activity on their boards. I saw one gyn about it, but she was clueless. (She also told me to go off the pill for a few days if I had spotting and not to worry about getting pregnant! Umm, what?! NOT taking her advice!) I really just need to find a specialist who understands.
I’m fortunate in that I don’t have it that bad. I’ve never had a problem putting in tampons and gyn exams aren’t bad, it’s just the sex. My husband and I were both virgins when we got married and I think maybe it was too painful the first time and my body just tenses up as a reflex now. It also doesn’t help that I’m petite and my husband is well endowed.
It’s just really depressing sometimes. I was reading the question someone else asked here about first time sex and everyone said “It’ll get better”. It’s been 6 months and I still feel like I’m getting stabbed with a knife when we try to have sex 🙁 I’ve actually been doing the dilator therapy on my own and it’s been helping, but I can’t seem to get the last one (and my husband is slightly bigger than that). I just wish it was easy and we could enjoy all the newlywed sex we’re should be having!
Oh, and @fiftyfootbride – I’d love to hear how your Maid/Matron of Honor got through it! Did she get help from her regular gyn or did she find a specialist?
Post # 7
@Seaside- (((( HUGS )))) . I just PM’d you. I struggle with this and let me tell you I know 100% how you feel. This website is amazing, and has helped me.
PM me anytime as I know how frustrating and “lonely” vaginismus can be.
Post # 8
@seaside- I had to create another name because I know how frustrating issues like this can be and wanted to offer any help I can. I don’t suffer from vaginismus, but I do have vulvodynia (chronic vulvar pain) and the two often go hand in hand.
First and foremost would be finding a doctor who both understands your conditions and your concerns. I went to countless doctors who told me I was fine and not to worry about it and a few that diagnosed it correctly but were cold and made me feel uncomfortable. I finally found a doctor who is a gynecologist with a special interest in female pain issues and it makes a world of difference working with someone who actually understands and knows what they are talking about!
She put me on an anti-depressant to control my nerve pain. It has helped a lot. It also helps with the anxiety associated with the condition. I also have topical lidocaine ointment that I use before intercourse. It numbs the area slighty, not in a way that it takes away any of the good feelings, but makes your nerves relax. This is a huge, huge help and I can’t go without it. I also reccommend getting some quality lubricant. I had terrible reactions to practically everything at the drugstore and finally found one out of England that is amazing and non-irritating. It is actually reccommended for people with vulvar problems. The website is http://www.yesyesyes.org.
I hope this helps! Best of luck to you.
Post # 9
I haven’t had vaginismus, but my sister did… she actually started treatment with a kinesiologist -who worked with her obgyn- who specialized in sexual issues. She gave her some excersises and dilators meant to relax the muscles around the vagina, and this solved her problem.
However I think the stress & nervousness factor must be important too… especially if you had a painful first experience. I fully agree with rva, maybe you could see someone and talk about this, or find a doctor who is sensitive towards your anxiety as well and can help you with some meds, or direct you to someone who can.
If you don’t mind my asking– how are you dealing with your pain as a couple? Because maybe, if you’re both ok with it, you could focus for a while on making the whole experience more relaxing and pleasurable without necessarily reaching sex… just a thought.
I really hope this helps! ((HUGS))
Post # 10
@rva33 – Thank you for the info! It sounds like finding the right doctor really helped. I hope I can find someone that will be able to help me too. It’s so frustrating going to doctors who don’t understand! I’ll be sure to check out that lubricant too. We’ve tried 3 or 4 different types now and some are better than others, but all of them seem to sting and/or burn to some degree.
@MariaPaz – So far I haven’t found a doctor to help me, but I know I need to keep looking. I ordered dilators on my own and started using them. I’ve made it up to the last one, but I can’t seem to make it past that. I wonder if meds might help since it seems like they’ve helped others with this. Since I started the dilators 2 months ago we haven’t had sex because I’ve heard it can hinder your progress. We’ve been doing other things in the meantime and he’s really supportive of me, but we both can’t wait for the day when sex is pain free or at least manageable!
Post # 11
i just went to the dr yesterday and i have this!! big problem its where you muscles tens up and its really really hard to get a penis in and then once the penis is in, it hurts really really bad. My dr told me its a psychological thing and alot of women have this but won’t admit it. My dr told me if you don’t fix it, it just gets worse and worse every year!! It will never get better unless you fix it within yourself. Its just if it hurts your afaid it will hurt again so your body automatically tensens itself up. You need to try to relax your body, maybe take a nice bath before hand, start with some forplay to relax you. I’m trying to deal with this problem now and i’ve figured out having your man use a vibrator on you first really really helps!!!! Like i said its psychological meaning its all in your head. My dr said its one of the hardest sex problems to fix!!
Post # 12
I found this thread after Googling vaginismus. I am SO relieved to read other people, especially a newlywed like myself, experiences symptoms like these. I have been to a few doctors none of which have diagnosed me with vaginismus, but I am convinced this is what I have. They all say nothing is wrong with me…but I actually feel better knowing that there is a name for what I’m feeling. Does anyone have any input on treatment for this condition?
Any info is GREATLY appreciated :O)
Post # 13
I have primary vaginismus. I was just on google searching ways to tell others about it and I found this blog. I didnt see it mentioned on here so i had to register to write this and tell u that If u havent already, check out http://www.vaginismus.com I oredered the self help kit and within 3 months my bf and I were able to have sex for the first time. It can be a difficult and stressful situation but the self help kit is great bc u can go at ur own pace. You use kegel exercises and dialators as well as trust gaining exercises. The best $100 I have EVER spent beyond a doubt! Good luck
Post # 14
As rva33 touched on, be sure you are looking at the right thing! Vestibulitis is often misdiagnosed as vaginismus, but the treatments for both of these disorders are rather different.
DO NOT go to any doctor and assume that they will know something about this. Look up people who specialize in this area specifically, otherwise you aren’t likely to get much useful information.
Post # 15
I don’t have any experience with this, but you can check out this woman’s video diary on this on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTb2OeVGm1A. It sometimes helps to actually hear a real person going through the same thing.
She’s had botox treatments (I’m assuming to her pelvic area, I’m not sure where specifically) and she claims she is “cured” and is able to have sex without pain now. This is the same woman from the Tyra episode I believe.
Hope this helps.
Post # 16
Sorry to bug you, I’ve been reading up on vaginismus and saw a post you have posted a while back. i haven’t been diagosed and doctors think I’m fine, I purchased the kit and saw you mentioned you have used it before… If you have any advice it would be appreciated!