Post # 1
I’m not talking about commitment-phobia to your groom, to monogamy, or to the idea of marriage.
I’m talking about securing a venue/date for your wedding!
My situation: Got engaged in January 2012; planning for a January 2013 wedding. It’s a destination wedding (still in U.S.).
However, it’s now 5 months into my 12-month engagement and we haven’t officially made a committment to a place/venue/date. That means we have 7 months to go and even the family and wedding party don’t know the location/date to plan for.
I’m hoping we make a decision and send out save-the-dates within a month or so, so that our guests have a 6-month (maybe a 5.5-month) notice.
My commitment-phobia comes from:
- The HUGE non-refundable, non-changeable deposit required at my current favorite venue.
- The pros and cons of having everyone travel and feeling guilty that some have to travel further than others have to. However, I just read this post.
- The fact that I only (hopefully) will be getting married once and spending this much money once, so I’m being pretty indecisive that this date/location/venue is the one!
- How long after you got engaged did other bees take to lock down the date/venue?
- How much notice did other bees give the wedding party and family to plan for your wedding date/location? (not even sending out Save-The-Date Cards, just initially announcing the wedding date/location)
Post # 3
I’m a waiting bee but I thought I’d chime in with my 2 cents. I understand how intimidating putting that deposit down has to be so I’d be kind of phobic too.
I read that etiquette it to send out save the dates 6 months in advance minimum so I can’t imagine announcing the date and place much later.
It’s sounds like you’re wishy-washy on the choice to do a destination wedding. Personally, I wouldn’t want to have to travel to my wedding venue, especially just to look at it! I would want it no more than 30 mins from my house so I could go back there often for a pre-staging or tasting and what have. Plus travel is so tough so planning from a distance then having to fly there just to be at the wedding…I would collapse.
The only way I’d have my wedding anywhere but my town is if it were in my home town and my mom was organizing things and sending me pictures.
If you’re really dead set on not having a local wedding, I’d try to give the travel advantage to the people who think it would benefit most for health reasons or financial, etc.
To answer your question, most people I know locked down their date within a few weeks because they didn’t want that perfect venue to slip through their fingers!
Post # 4
Thanks, Missjuli! I was a waiting bee too for a long time! And because of that, I was able to do pretty well saving up $$ to actually have a wedding. Now that it’s here, actually spending that money is creating a mini panic attack. There’s a voice in my head saying: “Put a down payment on a house! Don’t waste it on one day!”
I have already made one plane trip to visit, and am okay with the fact I’m not going to be able to visit it multiple times, and am doing everything long-distance. Like you said, every moment I delay could result in it slipping through my fingers!
Maybe my post is really about the fear of actually spending money. I prob. would have demanded my parents to put down a deposit already if they were the ones paying–not caring if it was in budget or not. It’s different when it’s your own money! And I’m getting a GREAT deal at this place….but am having trouble handing over the check.
Post # 5
I was having a similar problem…it’s SO MUCH MONEY. So I kept looking for other places, and found one that is about 7% of the cost of the one I had originally chosen!!! The problem is that we have to wait until January to reserve it…and our wedding is in June. EEK. But, it’s only $150, soooooo.
So what I suggest is either take the plunge or look around for a cheaper venue. I realize now that I was hesistating to commit because the amount of money was not sitting well with me.