(Closed) Anyone else having a Self-Marriage?

posted 4 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 151
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I haven’t read through the last few pages but wanted to reply.

I read about this in a magazine a little while ago and felt awkward just reading it. I’m all for being happy with a decision to remain single, enjoy some quality you time. However this just feels slightly… weird. I would be very uncomfortable if I was invited to a friend’s self- marriage.

I have a friend who was single, down about the whole thing, had yet to find the right man. She was losing hope and didn’t think she ever was. She booked herself onto some tour around the US (we’re in the UK), decided to treat herself, see places she had always wanted to see, enjoy being single and doing what she wants for a change. It seemed fantastic. She had a wonderful time and guess what? She met a man who was also part of the tour and they’re getting married in July! 

It’s never too late. You’re far from old. Trust me, this will be cringy if you do meet someone in a couple of years and have to explain all this self marriage stuff.

As others have said, find some new hobbies, throw a big party, buy a fabulous (but non-wedding) dress to wear to it, go travelling. You may meet someone when you least expect it! 

Wishing you all the best. I’m glad you have reconsidered!

Post # 152
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

leilarobs2:  This was actually encouraging in general (at least to me). Thank you.

Post # 153
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

j_jaye:  But that is what we do to celebrate life milestones- give something to help the person on their way with that life milestone (so baby, wedding, new home) and to celebrate that milestone. 

– Love that post, totally agree. 

As a side note, I don’t think registries are entitled. I love giving gifts. I get much more pleasure out of giving a gift that receiving one. What is better than giving a gift? Giving a gift I know the person wants/needs. Wants is even better. As much as I enjoy giving something that is needed, I actually would prefer to spend more and buy something they wouldn’t usually buy for themselves. A registery lets me do that. None of my friends are married or have babies yet, so I haven’t actually been able to buy from a registry – only “wish lists” for Christmas presents, birthdays,  etc. But I’m totally pro registries for any celebration – engagements, weddings, baby showers. I don’t expect that every single person will get me a gift or that I’ll receive every single thing. But for people like me who love gift giving and want to know where to start – they can look up my registry 🙂 

Post # 154
Member
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

RE: All the posts in this thread about women who decide to abandon the dating scene, then accidentally meet Mr Right in some random place and ride off happy in the sunset: those stories are lovely and romantic, but they also reinforce the notion that having a man solves everything (including low self esteem, sadness and loneliness), and they overlook the fact that one can have a happy and full life and remain single. So whatever had gotten the OP so distressed that she wanted to take an extreme step like self-marriage, well, you’re just pouring on more of the same with those stories.

OP: focus on your physical, emotional and financial health right now. Get to know yourself. Learn how to love yourself. You are the one constant force that will be with you through all of life’s twists and turns.

 

Post # 155
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

This is one of the saddest things i have ever heard…

Post # 156
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in here on the age topic.  I am 42 years old and have never been married in my life.

I WAS NOT LOOKING for my SO when we met for a drink (a side note, we did have a brief fling 17 years ago) but I WAS NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP, I was finally happy being single and enjoyed doing what I wished.  Once we sat together – he couldn’t stop absently stroking my leg and I knew he was the ONE.

I admit to feeling left out or looked over (not good enough per se) but I am now a firm believer in finding him/her!!!!!!

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  dcsonlygurl.
Post # 157
Member
11377 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Horseradish:  I only think people mention it is because OP says she is unlikely to ever met someone due to her age and many years of dating. I don’t think anyone meant any arm, but more so inspiration from real life stories, be they romantic or not. 

Post # 158
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

Horseradish:  

Sure you can live a happy, fullfilling life as a single person and there is nothing wrong with that…she doesn’t WANT to be single and I think all the people that posted stories (myself included) is that it is never too late to meet someone…and I don’t believe having a man “solves” anything 

Post # 159
Member
2356 posts
Buzzing bee

I was going to throw myself a huge party when I hit 40 and register so people would get me stuff since I was never going to marry either.

Then on a whim I found my finacee at 37.  Well there went the plans for my party.

The marriage thing seems a bit strange to me, but then again I was going to have a party and make people buy me shit.

I won’t say you will meet someone, because maybe you won’t.  I never went out seeking a husband. That seemed like too much damn work and I was perfectly content being a single chick.

 

Post # 160
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t understand the notion that you are entitled to “stuff” if you don’t marry…whether you marry or not, you aren’t entitled to ANYTHING…I wonder old the people are with the entitled mentality…I am in my 40s – I was brought up that you want something, you work for it…and you make sacrafices to afford it if you have to. I feel like people seem to think it is a right of passage with age that people buy you shit. Disgusting.

Post # 161
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I just keep thinking of that Sex and the City episode where Carrie announces she’s getting married to herself so she can get a pair of new manolo blahniks from her already married-with-kids friend 

Post # 162
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

{content moderated for baiting}

Post # 163
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If this is what you want to do, go for it. It’s a new concept to me but I totally get why you would find a self-marriage to be an empowering commitment to yourself and your way of life.
Gift registries happen for all sorts of milestones. Hell, I had a lot of my graduating class (university) who had wishlists and registries for their extended family and it set them up with lots of stuff they hadn’t had while living in dorms or shared housing. I don’t see why you shouldn’t have a gift registry or wishlist for your self-marriage celebration. Just like with a regular wedding, there will be plenty of people who either don’t buy from the registry or even skip the gifting all together.

Post # 164
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

I personally wouldn’t. I think you can make a decision to be happy with yourself and take care of your physical/emotional/spiritual wellbeing without an entire ceremony. That just seems OTT to me. 

Post # 165
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Personally I would use that money you would have spent on a “wedding” to buy all the things you would have registered for and to go on an awesome vacation. You’re already committed to yourself by default, I don’t see the need to publicly announce it personally. 

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