(Closed) Anyone else having a Self-Marriage?

posted 5 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 16
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Will there be a honeymoon?

Post # 17
Member
7534 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
mojitomint44:  See the registering part makes this icky for me. Sorry but to me it sounds like a gift grab. It sounds like a case of I don’t want to miss out on having everyones attention on me for one day like a couple and want all the presents and parties that come with that.

And the line about having a home fit for entertaining. Sorry but what has marriage to do with that? I didn’t get married til after 30 and I already had a home fit for entertaining and pots and pans and crockery that matched. It doesn’t take marriage to get those things if you want them. It takes saving and going to a store. Not that anyone especially needs matching anything, that is a want and a luxury.

I guess I just don’t understand why it has to be a marriage? There are plenty of ways to make a pledge/committment to something without calling it a marriage so I guess it just leaves me scratching my head going ok?

 

Post # 19
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Self commitment ceremonies are more well known here where I am now than where I am from. Congrats on taking that step! 🙂

Post # 21
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I agree that it seems gift grabby to me. A person can be committed to being self-actualizing and true to oneself without making a public spectacle or registering for gifts. I would not attend or gift such a ceremony. Additionally, you said that your family and friends are not really on board with the idea, so I am not sure of the point if no one will attend and no one will purchase off the registry.

Post # 23
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

Aren’t you committed to yourself by default, and how do you reconcile having an affirmative commitment ceremony with that? It’s a serious question and I don’t mean to be sarcastic or put you down.

Post # 24
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

To those who made the comments about this being a gift crab, could we not say the same about weddings in general? How does OP’s decision to celebrate her commitment to herself differ from anyone else’s decision to celebrate their commitment to another person? She is entitled to celebrate anything she pleases in any which way she pleases. If I had a friend who was commiting to herself to love herself and respect herself then I would surely celebrate such a powerful and amazing decision. Do you know how many marriages may be saved if everyone was self aware enough to know that they were happy alone prior to attaching to another person? Cheers to you OP! 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by carrolltobee.
Post # 25
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
j_jaye:  Eh, I don’t know…I think it’s kind of ridiculous that I had to shell out the thousands of dollars necessary to acquire the china, glassware, furniture, appliances, etc. necessary to entertain while my sister was entitled to have these things gifted to her (or to receive large checks that offset the burden) solely because she got married. 

IMO, either someone who is single late in life should be entitled to have a party that would allow him or her to register for these big-ticket items or couples engaged to be married have no business asking for these items (or for large checks).  There’s no reason why getting married ought to entitle one to what, in many cases, amounts to a very large subsidy of the expenses of setting up a home if we’re now to a point where everyone is expected to set up a household to entertain and single people thus now have the same social duties that were once largely the domain of married people.

If I were Queen, everyone would be able to request one “I’m An Adult Now!” party and that would be the chance for people to give the large cash gifts/”setting up the home” gifts that are currently thought of as wedding gifts.  Wedding gifts would then evolve into very modest, private, personal gifts.    

As to the idea of a Self-Commitment Ceremony, it makes some potential sense to me and I’m open to hearing more about the idea, especially if the OP is in a community that tells her she has no value because she is a single woman.  I would need to know much more about the OP and the specifics of the ceremony to comment more concretely though. 

Post # 27
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

No crime in having a gift wish list. I wish you the best with taking this step. It’s certainly bound to be unpopular. I am curious to see if any other bees have had personal experience with such an event. I’ve never heard of such a thing until now.

 

Post # 28
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 30
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

[content moderated for name calling]

The topic ‘Anyone else having a Self-Marriage?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors