(Closed) Anyone else having a Self-Marriage?

posted 5 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 106
Member
6214 posts
Bee Keeper

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mojitomint44:  I’m glad reading all of these perspectives was helpful to you.  I refrained from responding out of fear of being a jerk, since I”m pretty blunt.  I think it’s great that you are committing to self-improvement and I think you will feel a lot better about that without announcing it to the whole world.  I think an actual ceremony would have hit you hard the day of and been an unexpected mistake on your part.  

In the past I’ve personally found that when I feel crappy about myself for some reason – sister buying a house while I was still renting, old friend I was crushing on getting married – making a big change for myself was helpful.  I redecorated a room when sis got the house.  I cut my hair short when the crush told me about his engagement.  I got compliments or enjoyed the change and I felt better, because in the end, it wasn’t about them, it was about me and my own self-esteem.

Write yourself a plan – daily goals, weekly, whatever about physical and emotional changes you’d like to see in yourself, ways to step out of your comfort zone, new additions to the house, etc.  Having the nice piece of jewelry to remind you when you see it will likely be helpful in keeping to your goals.  Good luck to you!

Post # 107
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

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Kaymar:  ? OP has stated in another thread that she is trying to lose at least 50# before her “wedding”. In this thread, she’s complained about how hard dating is, and has clearly exhibited a lack of self-esteem. I’m not here to fat shame anyone, or say that heavier people can’t find love – there are people out there who actually like bigger women. HOWEVER, I reality is that there are fewer people who like very large women than there are that don’t. And if OP – who again, has herself stated that’s she’s not happy with her body, and has described the difficulty she’s had dating – lost some weight, she might not only be healthier, but also find more success in the dating world. 

Post # 108
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

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ilovesophia:  

I agree…I also think being overweight and people finding you attractive has more to do with attitude than ass size…if you are a constant pity party, that is a turn off…if you are lazy with horrible eating habits, that is a turn off…if you are a fun, happy, positive person, I think a lot of people see beyond size

Post # 109
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Wut. 

Post # 110
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Saint Domingue

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ilovesophia:  Yep.  I never, ever see overweight people in happy, healthy committed relationships.   Don’t dive.  The water’s shallow.  

Post # 111
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Forget dating, just make the most of your life as it is NOW, because you only live once 🙂 If you, hypothetically, spend years 35-39 unhappily waiting for ”the one”, and then you meet him at 39, marry at 40, have your first kid at 41 and second at 42, you might be sitting up with a crying baby at age 42 thinking ”why on earth didn’t I enjoy every minute of my life when I was 35, 36, 37…? Now here I am, blissfully happy, married, with children, but unable to go to the ballet / learn to skate / read all those books I wanted to read / travel / go to the gym”…

So, I suggest you have faith that your life will work out, and make sure to enjoy it the way it is right now 🙂 because you never know what might change tomorrow.

I remember sitting home drinking red wine watching Sex and the City marathons thinking ”one day when I have kids I won’t be able to do this”. Now I have a son and I can’t do that anymore :).

Enjoy yourself and life will work out for you. Dont’ do a self-marriage ceremony.. it’s cringeworthy.

Post # 112
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

This may be Too Much Information, but what about sex? Does this mean you are no longer involved with other people? 

Post # 113
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

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mrsbrizz2017:  totally doing this for the big 30. 

Post # 114
Member
1452 posts
Bumble bee

To me this feels like an “I’m entitled to stuff and a party even though I don’t have a significant other and we’re not making a life together.” demand for attention.  

Post # 116
Member
13639 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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mojitomint44:  

Couples don’t throw weddings for the gifts, they throw them in order to celebrate a marriage with loved ones. If you want to have a party to host friends and family, then call it what it is.

As for registering, what you may not know is that it remains traditionally unacceptable, because asking for gifts is considered rude. The spin these days is that it’s a list of things the couple is collecting for themselves and their new household. Guests manage to be sneaky and find the registry on their own, usually by word of mouth or a third party listing.

But when it’s come to people registering because they feel entitled, or that they’ve missed out, IMO any way you look at it it’s gift grabbing.

On another note, if you would actually have to save for a full year to throw a party of any kind, you might want to evaluate how fiscally responsible it would be and whether or not it would be the wisest use of your assets. With a couple, there is usually a buffer in case of one person’s loss of a job or an illness. Is this really the best use of your money? We didn’t think so and there were two of us. 

Post # 117
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

{content moderated for baiting/snark}

Post # 120
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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mojitomint44:  what about a mail order husband? I’m totally serious and not being sarcastic  

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