My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together over 5 years. We have been living together for 4 and have become pretty much set and accepted by both sides of the families at this point. I know we will get married one day. I know he is my future husband and through all seasons that we have faced together, that he truly loves me. I feel blessed and overjoyed everytime I think about how we have found each other. Having experienced many obstacles over the years, there were countless tears, broken things, couples therapy, and growing up together from college teenage love to mature young adults love have definitely taught us great lessons. We are both turning 27 this year. While I don’t “demand” to be married today, I am anxious/stressed out/pressured by biological clock to get our wedding planning going. The thing is, his and my families are from two different countries. We will definitely have at least 2 weddings if not 3 (our homelands + US). We have casually discussed several details at nights before we go to bed on things such as location, color themes, decorations, not to mention the fact that we both love the same simple solitaire round cut ring which we have browsed jewelry stores together on more than 10 occasions. So to a certain level, I know his head is in this, and I am comforted by that, and it’s really what’s getting me going anymore nowadays unfortunately.
In 2012, about 50% of the people I know got engaged or married. And I have been reading several posts from this website to cope with my jealousy, disappointment, and bitterness each time I receive the news of yet another engagement. I have broken down and cried, which he saw, which resulted into our own argument of him saying that I’m upset and taking it out on him many times. I had made it clear several years ago that I am not going to be an unwed 30 yr old with a 10 year long time boyfriend. To me, that just shows that our relationship is never going to go anywhere. He was ok with that, although did joke that he’ll just wait until we are 29 then. So this is usually the source of our arguments bc he says that we were on the same page back then, and as time changed in the past 2 years especially and so many of our friends and acquaintances went from single to married, I changed with them into wanting it earlier now, which was not what we planned on. That is true. But like I said, I’m not saying that I want to be married tomorrow, but as I’m hearing more and more about wedding planning and discussing our preferences with him, I already know that our wedding(s) are going to be twice if not thrice as chaotic as a typical wedding. In his country, he wants to have the reception at this yacht club where his parents were the first couple to get married at. These things take months if not years of booking in advance. With all our families and so many weddings, when will they all be? Which relative is going to which country? Do we just fly from location to location and get everything done in a week? Do we spread out two weddings over the span of the year or two (this is how my sister did her weddings)? There are sooo many things to think about that even if he proposes today, it’s not like we can get married next week, or next year even.
I recently wrote him an email sharing my concerns. We are at such a cusp age that its easy to think that we are still young why think about marriage, and easy to think that “maturity” and “family” is just right around the corner. He didn’t reply to my email and never spoke of it, which was what I was expecting. When I saw him that day when I knew he read it, he was normal but happy. Not irritated as if I was being childish or annoying. So I felt comforted by that that he was hearing my reasons and that it’s more than just “boo hoo other girls have rings on their fingers why don’t I?”. A couple days later I had another break down episode when I found out another girl got engaged. And he for the first time came to comfort me and told me not to be sad or cry. I know I must be reading too much into it, but it sure gives me hope that he may finally propose this year. He has high standards. While he is no romantic on a daily basis, when he does pull a surprise on me, he is the best in the world. I wouldn’t expect any less from his proposal. I did remind him in my email how important it is for him to ask for my father’s permission in person, which I was certain hasnt happened however have found it strange that my sister’s been asking me so many wedding and family planning questions lately such as have you thought about your dress, how many bridesmaids, how many kids, will I change my last name… I just don’t know if she’s just asking bc we have been together for so long and we are getting to that age or something has already triggered and is in the works.
I am trying to tell myself to hang in there and appreciate the love and relationship that we have, which isn’t defined by a ring, ceremony, or stupid facebook status for that matter. We even have friends who are married and already walking down divorce lane. So the fact that I know that what we have is stronger than whatever binds them by law makes me feel reassured. On the other hand, there is the little princess inside me that I am sure you are all too familiar with. I want to show the world that THIS is the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. To me, it will feel more as a milestone of all that we’ve been through to get to what, who, and where we are today. I know our relationship will be different 50 years from now, but I wouldnt want to grow old, fight, learn, teach, compromise with anybody else other than this man.