(Closed) Anyone else hung their guy up by his toes?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I am another girl who didn’t want a wedding but my husband did.  I wanted to get hitched with just our immediate family present and then have a huge BBQ to celelbrate with everyone.  He really wanted a big church wedding and reception.  We compromised and had an intimate wedding in a small chapel followed by a reception in a barn complete with BBQ.  We had our issues during the wedding planning, but they weren’t money related.  I needed him to help make decisions and other little things.  I would often say when I got stressed, “I didn’t want this big event. You did, so help.”  That usually solved everything.  So sorry that you are going through this.  Hope you get it all finished with as little stress as possible.

Post # 4
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

My Fiance wants a much bigger wedding than I do. I want to elope.

Post # 6
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

*hugs*  How in the world do you do it all?  You sound like Superwoman!

I’m the girl having the 300+ person wedding when I only wanted 20 people there.  I had to give up many things I wanted to allow for our guest list.  It sucks!  To be an obnoxious optimist, that is really amazing that he is planning for your future together. 

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have you tried pawning stuff onto him? Seriously…the line, “i don’t care enough to do it, so you do it or nothing” tends to work when you get down to the wire. It’s really not fair to expect you to do EVERYTHING and for him not to help. You can mail him stuff! HE’s capable! Especially if HE wants it. I did my own wedding, too, but only b/c i didn’t want his meddling hands in it =]

Post # 8
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Me too!  I’m also a girl who didn’t want the whole wedding deal but my Fiance really really does.  I’ve been doing what EJS said – I tell him that I don’t care enough about doing x, y, or z, and that if he wants them done, he needs to figure it out.  It works for us!  One thing that was really important for me was that my Fiance started realizing exactly how much work I had been doing to make this whole thing happen, he started to pitch in more.  Instead of telling him that you have 127 things on your to-do list, maybe you should send him a complete list of everything that needs to happen?  I know with my Fiance, he had just no idea what went into planning a wedding.

Post # 9
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I never wanted a wedding, I wanted to go get hitched at the court and then celebrate with our family on a Saturday night at home…he wanted a wedding with everyone and their momma in attendance. The whole “I don’t care about doing a/b/c/d…so you can do it” does work. I think it helped him realize how much work this was and he’s been a great help since, so I can’t really complain. 

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I didn’t want a wedding either but my fiance insisted a church ceremony with our family would be very meaningful.  I must admit, I am glad I did it.  It was very meaningful.  But I DID want to kill him many times before the day of the wedding! 

Post # 11
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

welcome to my life. i wanted city hall and a big dinner party  – totally casual and laid back. he wanted a little more ceremony to it – which i agree is nice. i’m still trying to book our oot brunch and family dinner the night before (instead of rd) and he’s more focused on our retirement investments. meanwhile my mum tells me we should have eloped!

Post # 12
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

(raises hand frantically) ME TOO!!!!! I wanted to get married at the courthouse or something uber tiny and just go off on a lovely trip. NO, we have to get married in front of the family and have a reception for the entire clan (over 100 people). Which because we don’t have a lot of money means we can’t go anywhere! Poo. I would even rather save that money to go towards a down payment on a house. NOPE. Now I’m the one planning the entire thing and I’m forgoing a lot of things but there are a lot of things to do and he has no idea how much time and energy it takes. I made the boy help me one day on the weekend and he finally started to GET IT.

Post # 13
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I get you.  Completely.  My FH feels bad about not being able to help, so I’m OK with him, because he works graveyard shift I don’t expect too much of him.  But I totally get feeling like you have to do everything, and it’s not even something you wanted.  I agree with <span style=”font-size: x-small; color: #81a026;”>ejs4y8 you just have to say ‘well I don’t care enough to do it, so either you handle it or it won’t happen’.  It might not be something you’re crazy about, but if it’s not something you care about anyways….

Post # 14
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

OMG, yes! ::raises hand::

I did NOT want a wedding. I wanted to elope with my parents, his parents and siblings. Thats IT. But nooooooooo, we had to have a big ole GIANT wedding. And not only that, but it had to be a Catholic wedding. I am not Catholic, I am not even christian, I am not religious at all.

But who is planning this damn thing? ME! I don’t even know why I am doing it, I guess its because I know that if I didn’t, things would get done half-assed and everyone would think it was me who couldn’t plan a wedding. I guess I am a bit narcisistic in that aspect. No one would think that I didn’t want to plan it and left it all up to Fiance.

SIGH

I am over it now, I have tried my best to not hold it against Fiance. Its helpful that he and I have the same view on how much to spend on the wedding. He doesn’t care too much if we go a little over budget. he has offered to pay more since he is the one who wanted it. He is also pretty helpful, I can pretty much delegate things to him and he gets them done. I guess his main problem is that he can’t implement a plan, but he can follow directions to a T. And he knows that I CAN pull off major plans, so that’s why he looks to me to plan everything. and he does acknowledge that its a ton of work, and gives me massages all the time. So I can’t hate him too much.

But its still frustrating sometimes that I am planning a wedding that I didn’t really want in the first place… I agree with the others, you need to send him a list of stuff to do, that you don’t personally care too much about, and tell him either he gets them done, or they don’t happen.

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

you do sound like superwoman! Are there any things that you can let slide? Things that aren’t so important or things that you can get the groom to do? Maybe spread things a little more evenly to him since he wanted the wedding?

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