Post # 1
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
I moved to Texas almost 2 years ago, from Connecticut, to be with a guy, well as you know we broke up, but I decided to stay in Texas where I met Jason, but my family is 2,000 miles away.
No one in my family (or friends) have been down to visit since I’ve been here, I’ve gone home 3 times, but Jason hasn’t had an opportunity to come up with me (holidays or major family events and he felt uncomfortable for a first meet). I don’t know when I’ll be able to go home again, but I really want them to meet Jason… And I know he won’t propose until he’s met them AT LEAST once!
Has anyone been in this situation before? How did you handle it? Would it be super weird for them to “meet” via webcam, and does that even count?
Has anyone’s Fiance never met their parents because they lived far away?
Post # 3
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
I oved across the Atlantic for my Fiance. I guess we didn’t have the parent meeting problem because he was first living in the state where my parents live but I had seriously discussed moving with him before they met. He didn’t know them very well and had never joined me for a visit home or family celebration before he proposed.
I think it is important to do a face to face meeting for a first meeting instead of a web cam. Could you even catch a flight for a long weekend? Maybe plan a short visit where you stay with your parents for 2-3 days, go out to dinner and just have some casual time for him to get to know them and vice versa. Flights are pretty cheap right now, use that to your advantage so you don’t feel guilty about he short visit.
Post # 4
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
Well, I just don’t have the money right now, and from where I am it’s about $200-$300+ dollars a ticket (when I went home around Christmas I paid almost $600 for ONE ticket), so it’s $400-$600 for two people… And Jason can’t really afford ANY time away from the bar right now…
I agree that a face to face meeting is very important… But I don’t know when we will be financially stable enough to spend that much for a weekend.
Post # 5
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
I’m the opposite. I live on the east coast about 3 hours from my FI’s family so we visit them frequently! But MY family is about 2500 miles away in New Mexico 🙁 I miss them so much but only see them once or twice a year. I came to school on the east coast and have stayed here ever since. But my FI’s family is an amazing substitue for me 🙂
Post # 6
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
Is it possible for your family to plan a trip down? I was in the same situation, but since my fiance and I talked about getting married before he proposed I was able to let my family know where we headed. It was about 7 months into our relationship, but my dad and his girlfriend flew down for a long weekend so they could meet and that is when Chris asked for his permission. Have you tried to let your parents know you are dating someone you plan to marry?
Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Perhaps you can offer to pay 1/2 of your mother’s ticket and have her come down. I think you should definitely (if you haven’t already) express your feelings about them not coming to see you. I had the same trouble only opposite ends of the US (I was in Jersey and my family in OK.) I met what I thought was the man of my dreams and not one person came to visit in an entire year. In the end, i moved to Mississippi and now I am about to marry my college sweetheart. So for me, if they would have come to meet him, he probably would have proposed and I would not be in the place I am today. I believe that things happen for a reason, but I also think that a man who can’t wait to marry you…wont. If you guys are just too excited to wait, and your familiy wont or can’t come…do the webchat and call it a day. I mean truly what does meeting the family do?? They either like easchother or they don’t. I guess you need to ask yourself, “Would I not marry him if they don’t get along?”
Is this something that is more important to you??
I know it sucks to be patient, but if he’s not willing to propose without consent or meeting your family, then you have only one choice….Wait. Trust me, don’t rush marriage. Everything will work out!
Sorry I think I just gave you a bunch of mixed energy 🙂 Also, remember that YOUR happiness and HIS happiness is all that matters. Us bees are only passing opinions!
Post # 8
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
My family is in GA, FI’s in in WY and we’re, well, here. It’s tough sometimes, and I can empathize. The first time I meet his parents will be at our wedding!
Post # 9
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
I moved from Texas to Pennsylvania, where I met my now-FI. After we’d been together a little over a year, we planned a trip down to Texas together so he could meet my family. It was just a long weekend over the summer, so there was no pressure of a big family reunion (my family’s not that big anyway – or, we are, but we dislike the outer factions lol) or family-related event.
I guess I don’t really have any advice. Now that I’m planning the wedding though, I’m realizing how hard it is to do without family around 🙁 It sucks. Good luck!
Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Not never, but my parents have only met Darling Husband maybe 3 times in the last 5+ years we’ve been together. It’s not much and sadly, it makes them skeptical of him. They’re always “well we don’t trust anybody, we don’t really know him” and i’m like “tough noogies, i’ve known him for 5+ years!” My folks live 5 hours away and we don’t see them that often. They can be intense to say the least
Post # 11
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
Well….my situation is a little bit different, however I know how you feel.
My situation is that he does not get a long with his mother or sister…which all live here in my town. His brother (whom he only gets a long with) lives in Fl. So even though we have been together for 4 years now, I have yet to meet any of his family at all. I am kinda bummed since I’m a very family oriented person and would love to meet his family, but I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable
Post # 12
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
Right now, we live about a 6.5 hour car drive from my family but about a 3 hour plane ride from my FI’s parents. We don’t see either side very often but my family more so than his because it’s easier and less expensive. I’ve been away from my family for about 5 years and I’m ready to move back to be closer to them. After the wedding, that is the plan (FI and I will be moving back up there).
Post # 13
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
thank ya’ll for all the replies!
@stephanie: my mom isn’t stable financially yet otherwise she would have been down here in a heartbeat, for my mom and sisters isn’t not about WANTING to come here (they all want to but just can’t afford it right now). My Dad on the other hand (bless his heart) he has the money (and is currently planning a trip to FRANCE!) he just hasn’t made any plans to come down here, but was the FIRST to question me moving in with Jason and worrying that I was living in a horrible “cheating town” and was living in a trailer (which I am not, no offense if anyone is.) Not that my father is a terrible person, I actually have a good relationship with him, but we’re kind of “out of sight out of mind” when it comes to keeping in touch. But I digress. My oldest sister just got a promotion and is hoping to make a trip this summer, and my mom’s boyfriend who got laid off last year has FINALLY found a job so their financial situation is improving so hopefully soon. And yes, and they are all supportive as long as I am happy, but I would like for them to meet him so they can see how great of a guy he is, my ex kind of painted a terrible picture of him to my family trying to get support/turn them against me in our breakup (nice right?!)
@mellyn: I don’t know if Jason definately wouldn’t propose without meeting them, but I know he wants to meet them, and since his first marriage/engagement didn’t go quite as planned I think he would want to do this one “the right way”, you know? I guess it’s important to me so they can rest easy knowing i’m in good hands even though i’m so far away. But how they feel about him wouldn’t change the way I feel about him, I know he’s the one, and frankly they don’t have to be around him all the time. I would like him to ask for my dad’s permission since my dad never really gave my ex permission he said “Um… I think you should talk to her about that first”… So, it would be nice for him to “approve” but definately not necessary.
My problem isn’t really with missing my family (although it’s hard), I just want them to actually see how happy I am, instead of just hearing about it.
