- 1 year ago
I am going anonymous for this one as it is a sensitive subject.
My fiance and I have been together for approximately 10 years. Almost every aspect of our relationship is great. We are best friends. We support each other. We enjoy spending time together. We do almost everything together (travel, sports, family events, etc.). We know each other so well that we can tell what the other person is thinking or feeling before a word is even spoken.
However, we rarely have sex anymore.
When we first started dating, we could not keep our hands off of each other. We had to do long distance for the first few months of our relationship, and then we moved in together after those few months of long distance, and our sex life was unbelievable for the first 1.5 – 2 years of our relationship (unless we were physically in different citiies, we had sex multiple times per week and almost every day – and even when we were in different cities we were being naughty over the phone/ Skype every day).
From years 2-5 we still had sex fairly regularly, but the initial rip-each-other’s clothes off/ grope each other in public (we were young and immature) phase certainly came to an end. But I was not bothered as we developed a deeper & more respectful bond and my needs were still being satisfied. This also made some sense to me as we were beginning our professional careers (experiencing a lot of stress/ new time commitments) and I know that the “honeymoon” phase of relationships do not last forever.
At around the 5 year mark of our relationship my fiance developed some health issues (and still has health issues). Since that time we have typically only had sex a few times per year. Right now he is in such daily physical pain that we have not had sex in almost 6 months. He also became “grossed out” by oral sex and french-kissing a few years ago as he developed a bit of a germ phobia.
He is going to have another surgery in a couple of months to hopefully fix an issue that is causing him a lot of pain. It has been a hard road for him as he used to be extremely athletic and fit but this medical issue has robbed him of his ability to play most sports or even to lie down comfortable or go about his daily life without pain. I think it is also very difficult for him to not partake in all of the activities that we used to do together (for example, as I do not want to let myself go – I still go to the gym frequently – but he is unable to go with me anymore due to his medical issues).
While things may get better after his surgery, they may also get worse. Also, his germ phobia causes me some concerns. He has tried to make up for this by buying me some sex toys… but it really is not the same.
I do not resent him for any of this and I still love him dearly. I am also in a very good place mentally and do not entirely miss the sex at this point (my crazy sex drive seems to have finally gone down and I am also trying to work out some psychological issues/ guilt that I have from suppressing the fact that I was molested when I was a child).
What I fear though is that if I marry him I may be in a sexless relationship for the rest of my life. At this point, that does not bother me all that much. But I fear that I may wake up 5 years from now and regret marrying him (as awful as that sounds- God I would feel so guilty for leaving him – this medical issue and his germ phobia isn’t his fault… but I also do not want to make promises to him of a life long commitment if I cannot keep those promises).
So – is anyone else in a sexless relationship/ marriage? Are you happy? Have you always stayed happy over the years? Have you ever regretted your choice to stay in a sexless relationship?