(Closed) Anyone else in this same situation??

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Very similar situation. We’re a similar sort of time away from each other (2 hours/4 hour round trip) both work full time and see each other once a week (if friends plan something on a weekend I have to choose between seeing them or not seeing him for a fortnight. sucky). We are looking to buy a house for when we move in together in October. Circumstances are slightly different in that the lack of engagement isn’t what is keeping us apart. However, before we’re putting down our money on a house I want to know that he’s truly committed, that he MEANS it when he says he wants to marry me. No children are involved, been together for 4 years in April and we’ve known this is for life since very early on in the relationship.

Post # 4
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

mr banana and i are long distance (east coast/west coast), although when we started dating he still lived in my town.  at some point i will be moving out there, and i’m hoping to wait to move until i have the ring (which will be here soon, he has asked me to marry him numerous times it’s just not official).  my parents are kinda old fashioned and my mom once said she’d prefer us to be engaged before i moved in with him.  however if the right job opportunity magically appeared i would go ahead and move sooner. i know it’s going to be hard to move cross-country, and even though i know we’re getting married in the next year or two, i just feel it will make it slightly easier to adjust if we’re officially engaged.  

Post # 5
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t live with my SO. I just prefer to wait until there is an engagement. That’s probably old fashioned to some because I don’t have kids, it’s actually just me. I’m even buying a house soon, when I find the right one. We’ll live in it together when we get engaged, but not before then.

I see nothing wrong with not living with him because you have a daughter. It’s a smart decision to me. I knew someone who DID live with her husband beforehand and she had a daughter. It made me uneasy, but that was her decision.

Post # 6
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you are wise to wait until there is something more concrete about the relationship. I also have a boyfriend who lives almost two hours away and only see him on weekends. On Friday and Saturday the kids are with us (they are great chaperones!) but on Sunday they go with their mom and we have a day to ourselves. Of course, that’s during the five weeks he is in the country, the other five weeks he is 4000 miles away.

It’s hard missing someone when you know you want to share a life with them, isn’t it. Again, I think you are making the wise choice to live apart until things are more set.

Here’s hoping that proposal comes soon!!! (For all of us!)

Post # 7
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My Fiance and I were not long distance but I still always told him that I wouldn’t live with him before we were engaged. It wasn’t for religious reasons for me either… I just didn’t see the point of making the commitment to live together unless we made the commitment to live together forever 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Sweetie I TOTALLY feel your pain.  As I have stated in some of my previous posts I am in Atlanta and my Boyfriend or Best Friend in Pittsburgh. We both have decided that we want to be ATLEAST engaged if not married before we move in together. It’s very very difficult since we only see each other every 6-8 weeks and the waiting period for me is very hard. I just think of it this way.. I get to spend the rest of my life living with Mr. T, so if I have to wait a bit longer to get rid of the distance.. then so be it (no matter how hard it seems right now).

Post # 9
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@the Ren  You are so right.  Time is definitely about quality, not quantity.  I am learning a lot about time with my Boyfriend or Best Friend.  When he’s at sea, I get an email every day and a phone call occasionally, which is so hard.  But when he’s in America, it’s fabulous.  Even after we get married, it will stay this way, which I think will be hard, but it also has its positives.  I don’t think we will be able to take each other for granted. 

 

Post # 10
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cutelittlebuzzingbee- stick to your plan if thats what you feel is right for you then wait! Because my Fiance and i were in a LDR for 2 years and then we had a our daughter last April. I always told him I wanted to be engaged before we moved in and had kids and as we all know plans changed. I moved to be with him 4 months ago cause I made the decision to get outta the military. Just recently I had to remind him that just cause I am living with him already doesnt mean that my ideas on marriage have changed. It would have been alot less arguing if I had just stuck to what I felt comfortable with but I felt it best for our daughter to move. You know whats best for you and your daughter and if you dont feel comfortable moving until you know there is going to be a serious commitment then I wouldnt do it. GOOD LUCK!

Post # 11
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My situation is exactly like yours, except, I dont live far from my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have a son and not a daughter. But I am choosing to not live with my Boyfriend or Best Friend until Im engaged, for the same reason. My son is already attached to my Boyfriend or Best Friend, and I dont want to make things more complicated for him if things dont work out between us. Basically, I dont think there is anything wrong with you waiting to move in before marriage.

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