(Closed) anyone else just want to go home?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Although living with Darling Husband can be wonderful sometimes I stop and think ‘wait… this is MY home now, the home I used to live in isn’t really home anymore’… it’s scary, a little bit! So I’m with you on that. There are times when I have the urge to just go back ‘home’ and realize how silly I sound. There’s nothing wrong with missing your family and wanting to be with them again! 

Post # 18
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

I know this is not realistic but….

It would be nice if a couple can move out of both of their places and find a new place together. It would be great too, if it was all new (either new or second hand) furniture, linens, fridge, stove, and utensils/cutlery etc… Then they can call the new home...OUR home!

Now, 90% of the stuff in this apartment is HIS, so I feel like it’s not my place…. 

Post # 19
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@happyface:  That’s honestly the best suggestion, IF it’s feasible.

We moved into a our new two bedroom condo a month ago. We had the option of keeping his old apartment or starting over in a new place. We decided to just start over some place that would feel like our home, not his home.

Post # 21
Member
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I experienced this when I went off to college, (my first time living away from home).  But honestly, you’ll soon realize that the positives outweight the negatives.  Now you get to create a new home with your Darling Husband and do things the way you want them.

If possible I would suggest finding a new place together so it can be your home as a couple.  Not just his.

Post # 22
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can’t help but think there might be a teensy bit of co-dependency going on between you and your mom. It’s one thing to miss her- it’s another to actually feel guilt about leaving her. I hope your mom isn’t contributing to those guilty feelings. I have a girlfriend whose story is very similar to yours, and her guilt actually contributed to the downfall of her marriage, so I encourage you to sort out all of these feelings. It’s not healthy to, at age 36,feel guilty for leaving your mom alone. 

I think getting your house in order will help, and it sounds like you have a wonderful husband who wants nothing more than to have you make it your home too. 🙂 It might help to get out in your new town and try some new activities- it sounds like you’re a little lonely with his work schedule being what it is. Making some new friends and really establishing yourself in your new home will help you settle in.:)

Post # 23
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I moved in with my husband before the wedding like 6 months before. It was our apartment that we got together when we moved in together so it wasn’t like one of us lived there without the other. I was only 30 mins from home but I felt the same way for a couple of months. I use to just go home and hang out there sometimes because I was homesick. 🙂

I totally understand. I think you need to make it your own somewhat. Eventually that feeling will go away, but maybe talk with your husband about how your just not feeling like its your place quite yet and see what you can brainstorm together to help it feel so. It’s a huge transition in your life and living with someone new is always a big adjustment. I agree if you could find your own new place together that would really help, but I understand that’s not always an option.

And I think you feeling guilt about leaving your mom isn’t abnormal! My parents got divorced after we graduated highschool. So my sister and I moved in with my mom and it was its own new bonding experience. She was sad from time to time about what happened and we were there for her. Now that I’m married my older sister still lives at home with her, and wont be moving out probably until she decides to get married just because her and my mom keep eachother company. I’m sure living there for as long as you did you and your mom were eachothers support system especially after such a tradgedy occured in your family. I think its totally normal to feel sad about leaving her and feeling guilty that she’s by herself.

You will feel better eventually, it’ll take time and love and support. Try and set up times to hang out with your mom. Like a movie night, lunch out, or a shopping trip. I felt like my mom and I spent more quality time together when I didn’t live at home anymore.

Post # 25
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have lived with Darling Husband for three years but as soon as we got married I got horribly homesick and missed my mum more than ever. I still have moments now but I’m not in tears all the time. It takes some time to adjust… Marriage is a big change. 

Post # 25
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

CindyRelly: 

Hi Cindy…I see the original post was made 2 years ago, and I hope things are better for you now! I’m juuusstt about to be married in a few short months, and I’m hurting pretty badly about leaving my dad alone. I understand the guilt you felt/feel. My mom left my dad a few years back, and he’s never fully recovered from that hurt. It kills me to think that I’m going to be leaving him soon too, (of course under better circumstances). There are nights when I can’t even sleep because of the tremendous amount of guilt. I just want to say, Thank you for posting that statement and helping me realize that I’m not the only one. I personally believe that God hears our cries when we’re hurting and He will give us peace in our times of need. Take care Cindy.

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I’ve been married for 2 months now and im starting to miss home ever since i moved in with my husband and my in-laws; I just miss my family,my old room,my dog, and hell even my betta fish. 

Post # 27
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I’m getting married next week and i know im going to get homesick.

I’m an only child, i have a close relationship with both my parents. i’ll be moving 40 mins away from home, but it makes me feel sad.

I’m moving into his family home for 10 months, until we move out. He comes from a large family. 2 sisters, 1 brother, mum and dad. Also 2 neices.

I work 10 mins away from my home and im already planning that everyday after work, i will go home to see my parents.

is it bad that i see his home as just a place to sleep? 

I have lived away from home, for 2 years, when i went to University. But that was different. I was younger, would party, drink etc. didnt have a care in the world.

It’s just now it seems so final

Post # 28
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

I know how you feel, I went from always living with my parents to living my husband in a completely different state 2,000 miles away. I’m 31.  I know I was “old” to still be living with my parents but I actually really enjoy their company and I loved spending time it’s my mom, the dog, we had a whole great fun routine going. I felt and still feel a lot of guilt for leaving my family behind. It’s a weird feeling that I can’t shake completely and it’s been a year. Or will get better for you though. It’s nice that you are still pretty close to your mom and can drive to see her often. 

ETA: I didn’t realize this was such an old post! Lol

Post # 29
Member
2471 posts
Buzzing bee

You are SO not alone. I have already sold my mom’s house, and now have to sell my grandma’s house. I dearly love the home where Darling Husband and I live, but long for the cozy homes of my childhood anyway.

Hugs.

Post # 30
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

When my fiance and I first moved in together I had already been living out of my parents house for over 10 years so for me, having a house shared with a partner was the first time i had living space that actually felt like a home for a very long time (I went through so many apartments, houses and roommates over the years!!) It was nice to finally have a “home” again. 

But I can totally see why you’d be homesick if this is your first time out of your mom’s place. It’ll take some time to adjust. That is a very big fhsnge, especially when you’re not used to a lot of change. I wasn’t homesick the first time I moved out because I was 18 and had roommates and was already used to a busy loud house haha but the first BIG change I made was moving across the country and man did the homesickness strike me hard!! It was so weird because I’d never felt like that before .. was never super fond of my home town, but when I still lived in the province I could still visit as much as I wanted, so that was the first time I was ever truly away. It was sooo hard even though I was genuinely happy and confident about my decision. 

You’ll get there 🙂 Don’t feel silly about it. It is totally normal to have a hard time adjusting to a huge change like that. You’ve lived one way for such a long time and now suddenly its totally different. That’s just gonna take some getting used to. 

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