Post # 17
Although living with DH can be wonderful sometimes I stop and think ‘wait… this is MY home now, the home I used to live in isn’t really home anymore’… it’s scary, a little bit! So I’m with you on that. There are times when I have the urge to just go back ‘home’ and realize how silly I sound. There’s nothing wrong with missing your family and wanting to be with them again!
Post # 18
I know this is not realistic but….
It would be nice if a couple can move out of both of their places and find a new place together. It would be great too, if it was all new (either new or second hand) furniture, linens, fridge, stove, and utensils/cutlery etc… Then they can call the new home...OUR home!
Now, 90% of the stuff in this apartment is HIS, so I feel like it’s not my place….
Post # 19
@happyface: That’s honestly the best suggestion, IF it’s feasible.
We moved into a our new two bedroom condo a month ago. We had the option of keeping his old apartment or starting over in a new place. We decided to just start over some place that would feel like our home, not his home.
Post # 20
I’m so glad I’m not alone… I think part of the reason it took me so long to even GET married is I didn’t want to leave my home … or my mom who I worry about…
DH already owned this home and in this market there’s no way we could sell… I didn’t own a home and no significant furniture etc…
I’m feeling more comfy here but there’s still so much clutter and stuff I don’t want here.. slowly but surely I guess…
Post # 21
I experienced this when I went off to college, (my first time living away from home). But honestly, you’ll soon realize that the positives outweight the negatives. Now you get to create a new home with your DH and do things the way you want them.
If possible I would suggest finding a new place together so it can be your home as a couple. Not just his.
Post # 22
I can’t help but think there might be a teensy bit of co-dependency going on between you and your mom. It’s one thing to miss her- it’s another to actually feel guilt about leaving her. I hope your mom isn’t contributing to those guilty feelings. I have a girlfriend whose story is very similar to yours, and her guilt actually contributed to the downfall of her marriage, so I encourage you to sort out all of these feelings. It’s not healthy to, at age 36,feel guilty for leaving your mom alone.
I think getting your house in order will help, and it sounds like you have a wonderful husband who wants nothing more than to have you make it your home too. 🙂 It might help to get out in your new town and try some new activities- it sounds like you’re a little lonely with his work schedule being what it is. Making some new friends and really establishing yourself in your new home will help you settle in.:)
Post # 23
I moved in with my husband before the wedding like 6 months before. It was our apartment that we got together when we moved in together so it wasn’t like one of us lived there without the other. I was only 30 mins from home but I felt the same way for a couple of months. I use to just go home and hang out there sometimes because I was homesick. 🙂
I totally understand. I think you need to make it your own somewhat. Eventually that feeling will go away, but maybe talk with your husband about how your just not feeling like its your place quite yet and see what you can brainstorm together to help it feel so. It’s a huge transition in your life and living with someone new is always a big adjustment. I agree if you could find your own new place together that would really help, but I understand that’s not always an option.
And I think you feeling guilt about leaving your mom isn’t abnormal! My parents got divorced after we graduated highschool. So my sister and I moved in with my mom and it was its own new bonding experience. She was sad from time to time about what happened and we were there for her. Now that I’m married my older sister still lives at home with her, and wont be moving out probably until she decides to get married just because her and my mom keep eachother company. I’m sure living there for as long as you did you and your mom were eachothers support system especially after such a tradgedy occured in your family. I think its totally normal to feel sad about leaving her and feeling guilty that she’s by herself.
You will feel better eventually, it’ll take time and love and support. Try and set up times to hang out with your mom. Like a movie night, lunch out, or a shopping trip. I felt like my mom and I spent more quality time together when I didn’t live at home anymore.
Post # 24
@Miss Root: not co-dependency… My dad died.. the house she is in is BIG. I’m 36 so mom’s not young.. I took care of the yard, some shopping, etc… now I’m 40 minutes away (on a good day) so it’s tough to get over there often.. especially with a new job… my brother in law was supposed to take care of the yard but has yet to… and I know it drives my mom batty to have long ugly grass. I’m going to look into getting her a lawn service. She wants to move.. the house she is in was broken into and it was a mess in the middle of the day a couple of years ago. The neighborhood is going downhill. In this economy.. and with her being retired.. she cannot afford to move as she cannot sell. So yes.. I feel guilty because I know it’s not the best place for her to be. especially not alone.
It’s getting better though.. tonight I’m going to a wine tasting up the street with some friends from the neighborhood, dinner, and possibly back to our house for movies. Once the house is cleaned up it will be better.. but that’s a whole different battle LOL!
Post # 25
I have lived with DH for three years but as soon as we got married I got horribly homesick and missed my mum more than ever. I still have moments now but I’m not in tears all the time. It takes some time to adjust… Marriage is a big change.
Post # 25
Hi Cindy…I see the original post was made 2 years ago, and I hope things are better for you now! I’m juuusstt about to be married in a few short months, and I’m hurting pretty badly about leaving my dad alone. I understand the guilt you felt/feel. My mom left my dad a few years back, and he’s never fully recovered from that hurt. It kills me to think that I’m going to be leaving him soon too, (of course under better circumstances). There are nights when I can’t even sleep because of the tremendous amount of guilt. I just want to say, Thank you for posting that statement and helping me realize that I’m not the only one. I personally believe that God hears our cries when we’re hurting and He will give us peace in our times of need. Take care Cindy.
Post # 26
I’ve been married for 2 months now and im starting to miss home ever since i moved in with my husband and my in-laws; I just miss my family,my old room,my dog, and hell even my betta fish.