(Closed) Anyone else marrying the son of a hoarder??

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FI’s mom is like that too, her house is really bad. Luckily, she has realized it and is now helping us to purge a lot of her belongings (we bought her house from her recently, and are trying to remodel, so its a good excuse to get rid of everything).  He isnt like that though, he throws things away pretty easily.  Sorry you have to keep stuff, but at least its only a playstation and now big things that take up lots of space.

Post # 4
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would sell it and then tell him 🙂


P.S. I’m sorry your Future Mother-In-Law is a hoarder; I lived with a hoarder for a while and it was SO stressful.

Post # 6
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I wouldn’t be too worried about it. It’s just a Playstation, though I do understnad what you are saying about it all building up.

Post # 7
1254 posts
Bumble bee

I have a friend who’s Mom is a hoarder. We sent her on a cruise for a week and while she was gone we cleaned up her house. We donated 20 sets of dinnerware, many bags of mismatched tupperware, hundreds of plastic cups, and at least 50 cheap vases.

She came home to a clean home which she appreciated, then got mad because we had given away her stuff. Yet, she could not name what she was actually missing. So in reality she was upset because she had less stuff. She continues to shop for more stuff, but at least she now has room for it. We are thinking it will be a trip we will have her take every 5 years.

It is a blessing that your Fiance has moved the PlayStation from the living room to the closet. Out of sight, out of mind and you can probably get rid of it without him noticing.

P.S. A friend of mine’s Fiance owned an ugly green suit he would not get rid of. She took it to the dry cleaners and it got “damaged” during cleaning. He now owns a nice charcoal-colored suit.

Post # 8
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We don’t know any hoarders, but there are some things that it takes my hubby a long time to get rid of. We’ve lived together for 3ish years, and when I first moved in he cleaned out his stuff. He got rid of a lot, but kept things that I knew he wouldn’t use, including his old video games. Just a week ago we did another clean out, and the games made it to the “donation” pile!

Post # 9
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

You say he’s usually pretty good with throwing things away – so maybe there are just some things that he genuinely and legitimately wants to keep? My fiance and I don’t always agree on what to keep, but it’s not too hard to compromise. I understand the futon much more than the PlayStation, since it takes up more room. With that kind of thing, you could always just ask if he’d mind you listing it on Craigslist or whatever. 

Post # 10
2 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

From the opinion of a girl who loves video games, you shouldn’t rip into him about throwing away the playstation. All of my guy friends who also play games have attachments to old systems. Heck, I still have my nintendo, super nintendo, sega genesis and playstation. If its away in a closet, it is ok, right? The futon, however, is cumbersome and not defendable. I agree with everyone else about it; ask him if you could list it on craigslist. Tell him you guys could go out somewhere awesome for dinner with the cash.

I’m sure he will never be like your fmil, so just keep that in perspective. I’ve never known a hoarder, so I cannot relate to the fear, but your guy sounds like he’s far from your fmil.

Post # 11
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law is one…not as bad as you see on that show on TLC but enough to make it difficult to go around the house and a big hazzard. It’s definatly hard to deal with and thank god, Fiance isn’t at all like it because I’m just like you…every month or so I get into a “All this junk must go today!” mood.

Post # 12
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes, my DH’s mom is a hoarder. She grew up in a Communist country and was destitute. She keeps the most ridiculous things for years, buys everything just because it’s on sale, and lets it just sit…

Now, my Darling Husband is not that bad, but he does keep many things for a long time (useless things like receipts, sentimental things like wedding invitations), so I think he carries a bit of this trait..but he can’t stand his mother’s hoarding, so he would never admit it Wink

Post # 13
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Between my husband and myself, I’m the one with the instinct to hang onto every little thing. When it’s time to clean out, I can’t help thinking of all the sentimental attachments I have to every single thing. I’ve tried to get better about this and I think I’ve done a fairly good job – we both agreed, when buying our first home, that we wanted somewhere with as little storage as possible to avoid the temptation to hoard a ton of stuff we weren’t using. Our current townhouse doesn’t have a ton of storage space, but we don’t even come close to filling it, so I’m pretty pleased with us.

As for my husband’s parents, well, his dad has an alarming habit of saving old newspapers. His entire basement office is lined with them. Like a ticking time bomb, talk about a fire hazard!

Post # 14
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

My Mother-In-Law keeps everything, but she’s no hoarder.  She just won’t part with ANY of DH’s childhood items!  It’s annoying as hell.  If she dies and I go there and find out it’s all ruined because she’s actually a hoarder, I’ll be really ticked off.

For your FH, I suggest that you cleanout your storage and home every 6 months.  Ask him to sit down with you and make rules about how to designate an item.  Then make him stick to those rules.  My own personal rules:

  • Any clothes which have not been worn in two years: sell or donate.
  • Any DVDs I haven’t watched in the last year: sell or donate.
  • Any CDs I haven’t listened to in the last year: sell or donate.
  • And video games I’m no longer interested in playing: sell or donate.
  • Any shoes I haven’t worn in the last two years: sell or donate.
  • Anything that’s rusted: trash.
  • Anything that requires a professional to repair it: sell, donate, freecycle, or trash.
  • Anything moldy, past expiration date, or rotten: trash. (NO EXCEPTIONS)
  • Wine: always keep it ‘cuz it only gets better with time!  😉
  • Any sports equipment I haven’t used/won’t use within two years: sell or donate.
  • If you try to sell it and it doesn’t sell, it can’t come back in the house.
  • Every item only gets to be an exception to these rules three times.  After the third time, NO EXCEPTION.  So basically you could keep the playstation a maximum of 18 months (if he NEVER uses it and you clean every 6 months) and then he’d have to get rid of it.  Seems like a long time, but really it’s not.

Usually if I can’t sell it, I’ll offer it on Freecycle first, then donate it.  We’re gearing up for a garage sale this weekend (which is actually a first for me) and I’m hoping to make some money, but really I’m just relieved that whatever doesn’t sell won’t be coming back in the house!

Post # 15
2867 posts
Sugar bee

My Future Mother-In-Law is a mild hoarder.  She keeps everything.  I mean she’s generous too but she has a huge stash of yarn, keeps old lead windows b/c she thinks they’ll be worth something…the problem is she keeps everything in storage units.  Not a way to live.

Also she doesn’t have a problem with leaving food out to where her cats could get into it or things could grow on it.  She’s not a very good house keeper :/

Post # 16
520 posts
Busy bee

Ummmm, yeah.  My Mother-In-Law used to have in excess of 1000 cookbooks.  And she doesn’t cook.  Little by little we are working on it.  It’s stressful and depressing for everyone concerned. 

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