Post # 61
Beegritte: thank you. Oh this makes me so cross. I hate the miss/Mrs issue for women to denote their marital status when men don’t have it. Lately I’ve been using ms because of this but, urgh, I don’t know, it sounds so frumpy. I much prefer the possibly German way that
on a side note, I was with my friend recently and we got stopped on the street by one of those survey people. The chap asked her “are you miss or Mrs?” She sharply said “doctor!” he was suitably sheepish.
Post # 62
llevinso: I’m changing my last name because of my toxic relationship I have with my father. TBS, FH actually told me if I don’t want to change my last name, he wouldn’t be offended. I’m knocking on the door of 30 this year (wedding in June), so he knows I may have a connection to it. I just hate my maiden name. Apparently a lot of people are surprised I’m changing my name because of my age. I’m not that old people and I plan on being married longer than 30 years so I’ll get used to my new name pretty quick, I think.
Post # 63
No offense to all the bees who’ve decided to change their last name but here in Quebec (Canada), no one changes their last name when they marry! Both, men and women keep their last name because the law considers it’s a part of one’s identity, it’s how you are called in public and the law says its unfair for only women to have to change their name when they marry. Also, if they let men do it too, they know the majority wouldnt do it! So it affects women a lot more! They just decided that everyone keeps their last name and then, the kids can have one of the two or both, its up to the parents! But to each their own 🙂 i know some people who’d have liked to be able to change it ! Whatever the couple agrees on, its a decision you will take with your husband and you shouldnt feel like you have to do it to please people ! Do it because YOU want to 🙂
Post # 64
queenieheather: Ha! My ex’s last name was Williams. So generic! I love my name because while it’s not particularly unique, it’s definitely not a common name people hear everyday. Acutally, same with FI’s name. I love them both! Maybe if I had a bad association with my last name it’d be different, because I do like his name.
leonatigra: “I wanted to add that I don’t really get the argument that ‘it’s just a man’s name anyway, so you may as well take your husband’s over your dad’s’. If you owned it since you were born, is it 100% yours. You didn’t ‘borrow’ it from your dad any more than your brother did. And you own the family history it contains. It’s your bloodline. Maybe it’s only a fraction of your total bloodline but it’s still yours. It tells people something about where you’re from.”
I completely agree with you here. Great point!
UK-bee: I only answer I know is that no, you do not have to change your name right away when you’re married. I’ve had friends that haven’t changed it until years later.
Post # 65
MmeSilverBullet: One of my friends was the same way. She couldn’t wait to take her husband’s name because she despised her father and wanted to rid herself of all connections to him.
Post # 66
I did change it, but 4 months on it still doesn’t feel like ‘my’ name. It just seemed easier to have a family name. Why can’t men change theirs!
Post # 67
I am not sure I will want to let go of my last name, however, Fiance wants me to take his.
I feel like it is an outdated thing and the feminist in me doesn’t want to “let go of” who I have been 30+ years. But I might, in the name of love. lol.
Post # 68
So actually, it’s funny that this thread has popped back up because the other weekend for my shower, one of my bigs was a little personalized ice bucket. It was personalized to say “The HISLASTNAMEs.” Anyway, it was super cute but part of me was very confused by this. The friend that gave it to me knows I’m not changing my name. In fact, we’ve had at length discussions about this. Maybe she just assumed that socially I’d start going by his last name? I don’t know. We’ll still use the ice bucket and I don’t really care that it has his last name on it. I just thought it was odd.
Side note: I was at a friend of a friend’s house the other day and her place was COVERED in decor and whatnot that were personalized with the husband and wife’s married last name (so his name), like all that stuff you see on Pinterest. It was everywhere. The weird part was that this was the woman’s home and the two of them had just gotten a divorce! So it seemed like the whole house was just a weird reminder of the guy she changed her name for that is no longer a part of her life.
Post # 69
UK-bee: Hello, I like that you’re thinking about keeping your own name – the more the merrier! It would be nice if every couple actually thought this through rather than just assumes the woman will change her name regardless. It’s a choice not an obligation.
1) No, you don’t have to decide before you marry. At no point was a asked officially what my name would be. The marriage certificate is just a legal document that entitles you to change your name if you so wish. We had the registrar introduce us as The Happy Couple rather that The Surnames or Mr & Mrs.
2) I haven’t done this but I used to work in HR where women didn’t change their name with us and yes, it’s an admin nightmare. If you keep your name legally then it’s better just to accept that people may call you by his surname but so long as you’re not writing two different names on forms then you’ll be fine.
3) I’m Ms My Name! I know what you mean about it seeming frumpy as that’s what people seem to think. Ms as a title was suggested as a feminist way forward so that you didn’t embarrass yourself or the woman by calling her by the wrong title. It’s unfair men are only Mr and women are expected to have their marital status identifiable by their title – ugh. People seem to think Ms is for divorcees but that isn’t the case at all. If I’d had realised I could be called Ms without it being a legal thing then I’d have changed my title as a teenager! I love being Ms, it makes me feel secure and I’m proud I’ve kept my own name because it’s rare, I love it and Darling Husband and I are feminists.
It’s worth considering what surname you’ll give any little ones. As I intended to keep my name I told Darling Husband I wouldn’t want him to assume any children would take his name. He entirely understands and we’ve since decided any children will have my name. Mine is rare and there aren’t many of us left. It’s unlikely my siblings will have children to carry on the name and Darling Husband has a nephew with his common family name.
Just my two pennies worth!
Post # 70
llevinso: Oh no, I hate the personalised stuff! It was our first Christmas married and I had my fingers crossed we didn’t receive anything with his surname on it. Thankfully that didn’t happen because I really didn’t know what to do with it.
The worst was Mr and Mrs cards when actually we’re Dr and Ms! We can just about live with that. I have the sneaking suspicion my Mother-In-Law hasn’t bothered to tell anyone I’ve kept my name…all of the cards from her family were addressed Mr and Mrs His Surname, or worse Mr and Mrs His Full Name – no I have not been subsumed into my husband’s name, but thanks!
Divorce: another reason to keep your own name 😉
Post # 71
Ugh, if anyone ever refers to me as Mrs. HisFirst HisLast they will get a. stern. lecture.
It’s 2016, people need to stop doing that.
I think my Fiance and I have decided that we’ll each take each other’s last names as our middle names. So I’ll be MyFirst HisLast MyLast and he’ll be HisFirst MyLast HisLast.
Post # 72
Soon after we were married we received an invite to a his friend’s wedding for Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. I groaned about it big time. He send the RSVP back saying that he’d fixed my name, but I wasn’t sure they would notice. They did, and I loved seeing our place card for Dr. Myfirst Mylast and Mr. Hisfirst Hislast!
Another friend of his sent us a cheese board with his initial on it. It’s really lovely, and I know all of these things are coming from a good place, but I still get annoyed that the assumption is that I will change my name.