Post # 32
I have no desire for children. None. I have no compassion for parents who expect me to tolerate their SCREAMING kids at a nice restaurant, in a theater, or just out in public- that’s why I didn’t have them! I wanted to be able to go out in public without annoying the ever living daylights out of other people. Plus, honestly, I don’t want to spend $200,000 raising something that may or may not hate me! Sometime kids are just awful.
Post # 33
@Cait…I TOTALLY agree with you. In fact, I NEVER want kids, and it annoys me more than anything that people still tell me, at 28 years old, that I’m definitely going to change my mind and want kids. I have two nephews that I love dearly, but I love to give them back to my sister when they’re screaming or crying or being little cranky jerkfaces. I’m a teacher, so it’s not that I HATE kids…I think labor, delivery, and pregnancy are disgusting. I’ve listening to my mom, sister and friends talk about it too often. EWE!
It also helps that I’ve had a hysterectomy…that makes not having kids easier. And the day I found out about my hysterectomy, my FS had a vasectomy (we weren’t aware this would be the answer to my problems)…so we’ve got the double whammy. He wants a cat and I want a dog…and we’re making sure we’re financially ready for those haha.
I applaud you ladies who wait until later in life to have children…it lets you have a life and know how to live with your FS (if you have one) before the babies come along. I may catch flack for this but I get so annoyed at people who live ONLY for their children. It’s like, don’t you have a life, too…doesn’t your spouse matter? My parents had six children but we didn’t rule the roost. And I’m glad for that…I wasn’t spoiled or didn’t feel that I was entitled to things just because I was good ole me.
Sorry…had to weigh in!
Post # 34
I have to say tho, being a teacher and taking some special education course, I’ve become a little less judgmental about screaming kids in public. There are children who have certain disorders such as autism, who will have a fit for no apparent reason, but being out in public is good for the child (and that’s only one example). I just imagine what the parent is going through. It doesn’t always work, and I hate misbehavior, but it’s helped me not be so stressed.
Post # 35
@Miss Tattoo: I think she was also trying to make it clear that this person obviously wasn’t using the food stamps towards healthy nutritious food for her kids, but rather the maximum allotment of junk food, + trash mags, cake and teddy grahams that she can’t afford on cash. A person with that lack of responsibility with money/money equivalents is probably a questionable influence on 3 children.
I’m almost 30 and i’m JUST starting to feel like I’d be ready for a kid, and thats mostly because my older sister just had a baby and i love her to death. The problem is, along with this beginning of a maternal instinct, i feel like every other story i hear every day is about a 30 year old who can’t conceive. I’d like to wait a while still, but i’m scared of waiting too long.
Post # 36
Honestly, when I first posted this I expected to get a bunch of comments about how I was a bad person for feeling the way I do about kids. It’s so refreshing to see that there are more like-minded awesome ladies out there!
@CareyIUP: I watched my youngest cousin come into this world and it was the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. There is nothing beautiful about pushing something the size of a watermelon out of ones body. It just doesn’t seem natural.
@stranger1: I will never understand why people think its okay to keep having children while they are on government assistance. One of my best friends has a 3 year old daughter and a son on the way (next month). She and her husband struggle ALOT. Right now she’s debating whether or not she should get rid of her dog (that she just decided to get one day without even consulting her husband) or go on WIC. Um, say what?!
Have you ever noticed that in all the TV shows and movies about families, the parents are almost always older? You rarely see a a show or movie where 20 somethings are the parents. They’ve got the right idea!
EDIT: Except for teen mom which is a complete abomination!
Post # 37
@ScarletBegonia: That is the main reason why Fiance wants to have kids around 30. He’s worried that if we wait too long we may miss the boat. I totally know where he’s coming from but every woman is different. My aunt was 41 when she had my youngest cousin and he was and is perfectly healthy.
Post # 38
I’m not really a kid person myself, even though I’m 31. What annoys me is that whenever we go to family gatherings with my husband’s family, I’m expected to OOH and AAH at his niece and nephew. Sure, they’re cute, I guess, but it’s seriously getting to the point where they are the centre of every gathering and it’s kind of too much for me to handle. It doesn’t help that their mother does not like me and never speaks to me. Ugh, can’t I just NOT be a kid person? Is that not allowed anymore? Oh, and don’t get me started on the thrusting of their child into my arms whenever we visit. I am not there to hold your 18 pound baby, people!
Whew, that felt good to say LOL!
Post # 39
I love this post!
I’m 24 and until very recently, I would not even talk about the possibility of having kids. I do not have motherly instincts, am grossed out by the thought of pregnancy, and have rarely been able to picture myself as a mom. I do find babies cute, but as soon as kids are old enough to talk, they make me intensely uncomfortable.
Even when I *was* a kid, I always related better to people who were older. I got annoyed with kids my own age whom I felt acted younger than they should.
All that said, I started to reconsider when my Fiance and I started talking about marriage. FI’s brother and sister-in-law have a two-year-old, and I have so enjoyed watching Future Brother-In-Law interact with his daughter — as soon as she was born, he became a different person in certain ways.
I want to share the experience of raising a child with my Fiance. I want to see what our child will look like, what his or her interests will be, which of us he or she will take after more. And I have to believe that my kid-related discomfort would not happen with my own child.
I don’t want to think much about it until I’m at least 30, and I will be blunt about that with anyone who starts pestering me about kids as soon as we’re married. I’m no longer completely opposed to having kids, I just don’t want to rush into it.
Post # 40
I’m sort of baffled by people’s delight over babies. I react that way to dogs and cats and other cute animals, but children just don’t do anything for me at all, itty bitty babies included. I still plan on having some in like five years or so, but I’m betting on falling in love with the ones we have just because they’re ours.
Post # 41
@Cait…haha I feel the same way. I had friends who were like, “Do you want to see some video of the baby?” And I was like, ummm, okay sure. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS THE FREAKING BIRTH VIDEO…that was sooooo disgusting. I’m one of those people who, after birth, would be like, “clean that thing off before I touch it! I don’t care if that stuff came out of me…CLEAN IT OFF!!!” I don’t like touching gross things, and even drool bothers me. Other bodily fluids make me gag. I don’t change a diaper unless I’m the only one there. People tell me, “It’s different with your own kids.” I don’t think so. Ask my FS…I’m so WEIRD when it comes to bodily fluids and just a germophobe in general…I CAN’T handle it. As a baby, my nephew threw up on my hand as I was burping him and my sister thought I was going to spaz out. It’s gross…and I think most babies look like aliens…I don’t OOOOHHH and AWWW over them…I’m more like…keep it away from me. Can you tell I don’t feel very maternal.
More power to those of you who want kids, but I’ve been saying since I was 12 that I didn’t want any…and I’m not changing my mind anytime soon (no uterus helps in this fashion – I rejoiced when they took it out….I don’t miss the five or so periods I’ve missed since my surgery).
Post # 42
@IvyClimb: My famous line is “I’ll like MY kid”.
My FSIL’s sister just has a baby and Future Sister-In-Law is obsessed with her. Whenever they get a new picture of the kid she wants to show us. Whenever her sister and Brother-In-Law come out to visit, she wants us to come over to see the baby. I am not good at hiding my emotions and I generally say what’s on my mind. Honestly, the kid looks like an alien. I choose to not visit with them when her sister is out because chances are I will probably say something that they dont like (especially if you get a couple cocktails in me!).
Every parent thinks their kid is the most beautiful child on the planet and thats fine but as a unbiased third party, I almost always beg to differ.
Post # 43
You never ever know someone else’s situation. People are getting laid off left and right and canbarely affored COBRA to keep their medical insurance. I don’t think you have a right to judgeanyone who is on assistance. That person could have been okay and then needed help.
You can wait all you want to be prepared for kids, but the truth is, people waste their lives trying to save up and wait to have children. I did. And you know what? All that money I saved up for the baby was spent for one week in the NICU. After co-insurance, deductibles, copays, ect. because of a situation that caused her to get life flighted and staying 12 days in the NICU cleaned out my savings.
THEN, Aetna wouldn’t pay for anymore claims for her because Aetna’s plan had a lifetime max of two million dollars which she blew through. I had to put her on state insurance while I looked for another job that I could get insurance through. I had to take a pay cut to go to another job just to get insurance for her and I applied for food stamps because I was making $700 less than what I was.
SO I’m glad it wasn’t me in the grocery store because I probably would have told you off for being so judgemental.
It’s funny to me that your food stamp story sounds like a copy/paste political email forward.
Post # 44
I agree with everything in the original post. However, I do live in an expensive urban area, and single family starter homes begin at $700K in my neighborhood. Fiance and I make decent money between us, but I honestly don’t want to buy a “basic” house for $700K and be tied to that mortgage debt forver. We’re in a 2-bedroom condo right now, and it would work for one kid. Moving out to the suburbs where houses are a little less expensive would mean adding hours to the daily commute and increased gas, and car insurance costs. It would be nice to have the house and yard, but we’d be to tired to enjoy it (or the kid) after a work day and lengthy commute. Even if I stayed at home, I couldn’t ask my fiance to endure 2 hours in the car each way to support us. Living close in in the condo means we take public transportation and have a 35 minute door-to-door commute–not to mention the much cheaper mortgage.
So just giving a possible scenario for the couple with the screaming kid next door to you. 🙂
Other than that, I too enjoy being “selfish” and unwinding after work without anyone needing my attention. My best friend is expecting her second, and I don’t know how she will keep from losing her mind with a newborn and a toddler!!
Post # 45
Ok, I became a mother at 21. I have a life and a home (not a starter home, a home in one of the nicest areas in town). I didn’t plan on having her at such a young age, but things happen. I don’t plan on having another anytime soon, if at all. My Fiance and I worked our butts off those first few years to make sure she never went without anything. That being said, I wouldn’t trade that time for any night out partying or whatever. We can get up and go whenever we wish, I’ve taken her to New York with me several times and I think if I feel like it we’ll head to Chicago on Saturday. Our pets hold us back more than she ever has, heck if we didn’t have pets we could take longer trips.
I know this may not have been your intention, but I don’t like the assumption that every young mother needs financial assistance and doesn’t have a life. Hell would freeze over before I expected anyone to pay for my groceries, no matter if it’s junk (by the way, teddy grahams would be a better dessert option for kids than some other things on the market) or not. I respect you wanting to wait and would never tell someone that they’ll want kids eventually because hey, that’s none of my freaking business.
However, I will say it’s different when it’s your own and sometimes when it’s your family. I’ll be honest and say other than my daughter and my nephews I could care less for kids. I’ve refused playdates because the other little girl smacked my daughter one time. I don’t enjoy screaming kids at restaurants and can’t stand watching them get up and down at the movies. To each their own.
Post # 46
@UpstateCait: I know this is not the point of your post, but being a nanny, I have to point something out that you may already know. Nannies are a lot more expensive than daycare since you are the sole employer of the nanny (unless you do a nanny share type of thing), so you are her only source of income. Meaning when you don’t need her (if grandparents are in town, you go away on a vacation with the kids, you stay home from work, etc), you will still need to pay her since it will not be her choice not to work– it would be yours. So you are actually paying someone a LOT more to wipe the kid’s ass than you would at a daycare. Is it the daycare environment that irks you?
Anyway, in response to your original post, I think it all has to do with the fact that you will love your own child (when/ if you have one). I agree with you that a lot of babies are not cute, but you will think your own child is the most adorable thing ever because s/he will be your child. Similar to the way you feel about your youngest cousin.
I applaud you for wanting to wait to have children until you’re financially ready and you have the need to be “selfish” out of your system.