Post # 62
Loved this post! Funny!
I am 36 and have been saying since I was 11 that I don’t want kids, lol. I wish I had a dime for every time in those years that someone said ‘Oh just wait, you will”! I’d be rich!
My sister just had her first at 41 – totally healthy and wonderful and he’s my Godson!! I also have two other wonderful nephews on my side and a fabulous niece. On my bf’s side, I have two nephews that call me Auntie that I adore as well. I always hand them back when they start crying, lol! And I don’t have to pay for their college, lol!
Since I’ve known and still feel that I don’t ever want my own children I was an anonymous donor twice at NYU for my eggs about 6 years ago. I hope that I was able to make a family happy and complete – I figured why should I not share my healthy, viable (and redheaded :)) eggs with a woman struggling to have a child if I didn’t want one myself? After I did that you should have HEARD the comments I got! “Why would you give away your eggs to a stranger?” “Now you’ll have children out there and never know it!” “one day you’ll want one and you’ll be too old and you gave away your chance!” It was crazy! I hope I have a happy kid out there somewhere that is wanted and loved by their REAL parents! Just don’t let them ask me for a kidney or to pay for college, lol!
Post # 63
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
Well, by leaving the workforce to “wipe your own kid’s ass,” you become less employable by the week. Perhaps your husband makes enough that you would never need to return, but if he divorces you? Then what? Oh, that’s just how the majority of women end up on welfare.
Post # 64
@UpstateCait: i am 31 and 7 months pregnant and pretty psyched about it all, but I TOTALLY support your decision to wait or not even think about babies at all until you are good and ready. I am so glad we waited until we were financially stable and ready and willing to make a huge change to lifestyle. 24 is really young (i don’t say that to sound condescending but more out of wistfulness :o) . You have a lot of your young adult life to just enjoy. I absolutely loved and enjoyed my 20s and don’t regret putting off the baby decision until a little later. I was on the fence about kids for awhile, but at a certain point, I guess my desires began to outweigh my fears.
Post # 65
@ribbons: Woah, that’s harsh. Are you being serious? Yes, women do take an employment hit but they aren’t completely unemployable when they leave to raise their children and these things can be helped if the person stays up on training, certification, and maybe additional schooling/part time work in the field they’re in.
EDIT: I should say though, women MUST ALWAYS have a back up plan if their husband dies/divorces/gets sick. I think an education is the most important tool they can use to ensure they’ll be “okay.” I agree, lots of women have been burnt b/c they solely relied on their husband’s and guess what, life happened and it hurt them.
Post # 66
@absolutbettie: I couldn’t agree more than 24 is young. IMO, its TOO young to have a kid but to each their own. Congrats about your pregnancy! 31 is a great age to be a first time mommy! 🙂
@luckyprincess: You did an incredible thing for a few families out there that can’t conceive. Because of your selfless donation, they will be able to have the family they always wanted but couldn’t have. It’s too bad that people felt the need to make those comments too you. It’s your body and your eggs and you can do whatever the hell you want with them. Do people give sperm donors such a hard time? It’s the exact same thing, except you’re not locking yourself in a room with dirty mags trying to get your rocks off into a cup!
@ribbons: Just because a woman leaves the work force for a few years to raise her children does not mean that she is completely unemployable afterwards. I happen to have a career that I could jump right back into if and when I chose to go back to work. I am very independent and grew up in a family of some serious badass chicks. We don’t rely on men to give us what we want, we go out and get it for ourselves. As far as the divorce comment, I certainly do not ever plan on that happening but in the event that it does, I will be just fine.
Post # 67
know what? good for you!!! 😀 seriously – why is it that women are made to be monsters just because they don’t want to populate an already over-populated world??!!!
personally Darling Husband and i are TTC and I can’t wait to have one – now…but i’m also 31 and he’s 37. we do own our own home – have been married over a year and a half – and we’re ready. 10 years ago? hell no! lol
i also have an old friend who – my age – i’ve known since we were 13 she’s NEVER wanted kids and even now she says “i can’t wait to make that permanent”. just because you’re female and in a healthy relationship does not mean you HAVE to have kids! 😀
and for the post of that woman at the grocery store – oh man, had that been me, i would have totally gone off on that woman.
I, too, know TOO many people who have kids (including family members) – and if this offends some, sorry…but truthfully they can’t afford them – live off gov’t assistance and expect everyone else to take care of them and their kids – then they let the kids do whatever the hell they want. it’s absolutely disgusting. yes. i am very judgmental when it comes to those situations. i don’t apologize for being so either. it’s disgusting to me that so many people HAVE to have kids because they’re “in love” yet can’t afford to take them to a doctor’s appointment or feel guilty about buying a $20 coat – yet they HAVE to have the latest video game system and their kids wouldn’t know what a vegetable was if it hit them in the face. My mom is also basically a social worker and sees people from all sorts of places like this – she works for the salvation army and sees people come in who can’t afford their electricity bill or heating bill, but EXPECT other people to buy their kids a computer for christmas. i’m sure some of you might get mad for me feeling this way but oh well. when it comes to this specific issue i’m pretty vocal. :p
Post # 68
i am no where near ready to have kids, im 24 too. I told FH 2 years after we get married we can try…i want that time to be husband and wife. but kids in my future? heck yeah…he is one of 13 and im one of 5. i want kids and i want them to have siblings…i think we will shoot for 6…god willing…but not for a few years
Post # 69
@wavyhair: We are so twins! My brother and SIL just had a baby, and I know they are annoyed that FH and I are the only ones who don’t ooo and ahh. (They’re annoying and selfish to begin with, so that doesn’t help).
I can relate to a lot of things in this post. I am 30, and while economically we could have kids now, there are other issues preventing that. I think I want kids, although I wish my biological 3-year-old would show up on our doorstep. FH wants kids more than I do, and we agreed before we got married. Since we got married, my interest in kids has dropped, which is concerning. We will probably start TTC in 2-3 years, and I really hope I become more baby-happy in that time.
Post # 70
Me and my Fiance lifestyle is not fit for babies right now. We both have demanding jobs. We saved up our money in college and bought a house and we are still pretty young but it will be years until I feel I am really ready. So, I hope I don’t catch the baby rabie LOL
I agree with many posters on here and I don’t mean to come off rude, but being a middle class hard working person, I am really super tired of paying for all these people who find it ok to pop out as many kids as they want and expect the middle class to hold them up. Me and my Fiance do a fair share of donating, but only to people who want to help themselves and not just make government assistance their source of income for many years. When we go to the grocery store, we see people pay for their grocerys with their food stamps but the funny thing is, they are buying cheetos, microwavable food, soda, you name it and I am thinking ‘there is not one good nutitional item in that cart for their child, not ONE’…ok maybe an onion tucked behind the icecream…If I was using food stamps, I would buy a sack of potatoes or a bag of rice, something that would go a long way and with some substance! I used to work at the hospital and the people having the most kids (back to back) were the government assistance people. They get a free carseat, breast pump, all OBGYN paid for (free condoms for after pregnancy)…then there is the middle working class person who has to pay $1000’s for their OBYN, pay for their carseat, but can’t afford a breastpump at the end of the day so they just make do…As far as I am concerned, government assistance needs to be regulated better because too many people abuse it…
Post # 71
@zippylef: Many states limit a woman’s benefits to 18 months. Wisconsin and California are certainly on that list. Clinton era “welfare” reform provided that women get off welfare and get back to work. There are, however, many institutionalized barriers for getting that to happen, including lack of affordable childcare.
National statistics show that the bulk of women on AFDC are young white women who spend a short amount of time on the programs. In other words, it is being used as intended– to help women get back on their feet after a set-back. The idea of the welfare queen was a ginned up Reagan era mythology… but it seems to be a meme that is persistent. And yes, I know someone will come up with the one woman they know that is the exception to the rule… but that exception is rare.
To address the food issue: processed foods are far cheaper and more filling than non-processed foods. Buying a sack of rice and beans and some vegetables presumes that you have a place to cook, time to cook and enough money to pay for it. Buying cheetos and soda fills you up– even if in a bad way. Processed foods are a huge part of the obesity epidemic, but it’s hard for me to blame the victims in this case.
Post # 72
@Mrs. DG: Well said & thank you.
Post # 73
I just had a baby in August, and I won’t be convincing you to have kids. Maybe it is weird, but I’m glad not everyone wants to have kids, and I still get disturbed by some of the huge family TV shows. I did, however, definitely get the baby bug after I got married @ 29.
ribbon’s comment – may seem harsh, but there are some jobs where it is very difficult to “jump back in” I work in software, and if I took off say 7 years, there is no way I could compete with someone else who was recently laid off (let’s been honest, that’s still going to happen in my industry)..sure, I could get *a* job, but not in my field most likely…anyway, I just did a research paper on a similar topic for my masters, hehe, but I’m also lucky enough that I have a family member who will be our nanny when I go back to work after my FMLA..still, becoming a mommy probably means I’m jumping off the fast track (I used to be in the executive resource program), but at this point in my life, I am OK with that. Women who aren’t, however, I support their priorities, too. In fact, I think that is a lot of our problem, today, is that women are no longer this great support network for each other. There is a big divide on kids/no kids…WAHM/SAHM…breastfeeding/formula feeding…sposies/cloth diapers…luckily the Bee is a pretty supportive place!!!
Post # 74
@Mrs. DG – the Clinton era “welfare” rule about women only being on the system for 18 months is ideal and I wish it was practiced but I am afraid not regulated as much as it should be. I used to know people who lived in California, MARRIED, several kids, totally able-bodied to get a job (but they do not own anything, they rent and lease), they collected $1K a month for housing/food from the government for several years. I can’t count the number of times I have heard similar situations.
If the government allows people to buy junk food to feed themselves and their children, then yes there will be a problem with diabetes and obesity which in turn, the tax payers will have to pay for their medical problems and their disability because they are not well enough to get a job. It is a vicious cycle. The government should allow for them to only buy certain things like, sack of potatoes opposed to frozen french fries (I am assuming if they are buying frozen french fries than they have an oven, which with a sack of potatoes that have more nutrients with the skin on, they can make their own baked french fries), whole grains, etc. The government assistance is a great program for people in need temporarily, but it is highly abused.
I will never forget this women at the hospital where I used to work (already had 4 kids), came out of the room beaming ear to ear because she found out she was pregnant but proceeded to say to all the staff “Yes! I am so happy I am going to have another baby and that I get to keep those welfare checks coming!”
Post # 75
@MsJ26: Yep. Agree.
@Mrs. DG: That was very well-said, but I have to agree with MsJ. The system is highly abused. The “welfare queen” thing is not a meme or a stereotype, it’s true. I grew up in a lower to middle class, urban neighborhood and the abuse of the system is ridiculous here. I see it every time I go to the grocery store, gas station, etc. In other parts of the country, or in other cities, that may be different but I only know what I see where I live. You can also get cheaper foods that aren’t cheetos and soda and that are better for you. I just get ticked off when the guy in front of me at the grocery store has lobster and decorated sheet cakes and pays for it with food stamps. Oh. Hell. No. You’re poor enough to need food stamps? You buy yourself some cake mix and icing and make your own cake.
Post # 76
It feels a little funny to be posting in the Babies forum, but I was browsing the entire board area when it caught my eye.
It doen’t have to be “selfish” to not want children yet or ever. It’s just recognizing you’re not ready for that and you are being responsible about not plunging into it unprepared (mentally, financially, or whatever). So good for you. Really.
I enjoy being a fun/cool aunt, but I have no desire to have kids of my own. I knew that at 18 and I still know it at 35. It’s not a necessity to have kids and I’m glad you’re not getting reamed about that… far too many people do try to force their everyone-must-have-kids opinions on perfect strangers. I think people just need to go with what’s right for them.