(Closed) Anyone else not into the whole baby thing?

posted 11 years ago in Babies
Post # 123
3340 posts
Sugar bee

@UpstateCait: That comment was moderated for content.  I don’t think it would be productive to bring it up again in this conversation or call anyone out for it.

Post # 125
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I personally don’t judge every person I see who has food stamps, because I’ve known several people who needed them, got them and didn’t abuse them. But, it’s the parents who will go to the grocery store, their baby will be in a t shirt and a diaper, dirty and they are buying beer and a carton of cigarettes, but not have anything for the child.

I was in the doctor’s office the other day and I overheard two women talking. One was complaining about how she couldn’t seem to get pregnant again and how she really needed to so she could keep getting checks in the mail. She was also complaining about how they were about to cut off her food stamps, so she was probably about to quit her job so she could still get them. She said she “enjoyed not having to do anything and still get paid”. The other woman was talking about how glad she was that she was back at work so she didn’t need food stamps anymore and that she, not the government, could provide for her kids.

These are the kind of people that I see all the time, so it’s hard for me to be sympathetic. The welfare system is not very well regulated to handle people like that.

For every one person you see who actually needs food stamps or welfare, there are 10 more who are just laying around and having babies so they still get money.

Working at a doctor’s office, I hear a lot. And you’d be surprised at the parents of teenage kids. They tell their 15, 16 year old daughters to get pregnant and start collecting. Yes. I’ve heard this. More than once…

It’s just, nauseating that people are allowed to do this.


Anyway, I’m not knocking the system, because it realy is a blessing for people who need it. But plenty of people that need it don’t get it because of the others who are milking the system.


Post # 127
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

@Winter12:  I don’t think for every one person responsibly using welfare there’s 10 laying around.  Unless you have accurate data support that, then that is a wild generalization.  I do agree that welfare should be better regulated.

I think until we truly understand what lengthy back breaking unemployment has effected us or a surprise pregnancy has crippled us b/c we don’t have health insurance, I don’t think we should judge all people on welfare.  Yeah, I agree with the OP and others who posted that it’s crappy when welfare recipients don’t look out for the well being of their children by purchasing healthier foods.  Honestly, buying bulk rice, beans, cheese, milk, is not as expensive as buying tv dinners, potato chips, snack foods (hohos, dingdongs, twinkies), beer, soda, etc.  I think another poster posted that one of her family members TAUGHT cooking classes–I think that’s a valuable resource that all people should learn, more importantly, those collecting welfare.

Post # 129
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@caitmarae: I do agree with you on many levels about waiting to have children. I am going to be honest, I was dismayed by what appears to be a lack of empathy for the woman at the market who is on federal assistance. Chances are her particular circumstances are unknown to you. I am sure part of the woman’s demeanor was exacerbated by embarassment, maybe even a bit of shame and the feeling that possibly the other patrons in line were judging her (and it sounds like there was at least one person judging her). Perhaps this woman had been married and her partner died or left her? Maybe she had a job and was laid off (did you know that more and more families these days are working-poor and have to rely on government assistance to get food?).

I just think that there is a contradication in our society in which there are people who object to birth control, abortion, adoption and teaching people medically accurate sex education. Yet when I a baby is born to someone who is not quite ready for parenting, we then turn our backs on them, tell them they are on their own and judge.

No birth control method is 100% effective and you never know what life will throw at you no matter how well laid out your plans are.

Post # 131
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011


Not to sound rude when I say this, but as I am sure when you had your credit card declined you did not act like her. I certainly would not witness the lady you speak of in the grocery store, with a judgmental eye, but a compassionate one, and I also would not tell her story in an online forum stating how her children looked like they stepped out of the depression. I really think whats wrong with this society is that people are so quick to judge and make others feel like crap. I know if I were in your shoes, I would have tried to make her feel better about the entire situation, not necessarily by giving her money, but by maybe giving her a reassuring smile. A smile can go a long way. Where as a judgemental look, and believe me, everyone knows when they are being judged, just makes matters worse.

Post # 132
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have been in a similiar situation where I was behind someone using welfare (she announced it out loud to the cashier) and she didn’t have enough money to pay for it. She looked at me all flustered like “Won’t you fork over $5??” I almost said, “Take the 6 candy bars and the ice cream back”. Maybe it is the area Fiance and I live in, but we get so mcuh of this I just do not understand why people think we should always give them a hand out. I would never expect people to pay for my candy bars. 


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