- 3 years ago
- Wedding: City, State
Without getting into all the gory details, there has been ongoing drama in my family for years now and it’s recently escalated. My grandma (who I considered my mom) died in September so tensions have been high. For context, the family members in question are my bio mom and her two sisters. There’s some untreated mental illness and substance abuse, too, which only adds to the problem. I was friendly, though not emotionally close, with bio mom, but she’s started drinking again. We’re having an open bar. Also, Future Mother-In-Law is reserving a block of rooms for the families and I realized that I’d be so stressed out/anxious about something happening without me there to mitigate the damage. My future in-laws do not need to see that.
I’ve only been home twice since my move halfway across the country and each time, there were fights between the other family members. Each time, I tried to de-escalate and play the sympathy card–hey, those flights cost a ton of money and I didn’t visit just to be stressed out during the holidays, right? Each time, they got pissy with me and ignored what I said.
I talked to my therapist and fiance yesterday and both agreed that the healthiest thing is to avoid inviting them at all. I can’t trust these people not to start fights and cause stress during the wedding weekend. The thing is, they know the venue and the date so this will be tricky to navigate without blowing things up even more. We’re also going to talk to my fiance’s parents when we visit them for Christmas to let them know what’s up. Like, “Hey, BestHyperbole’s family is nuts and she’s [I am] in the process of cutting them out completely, so they won’t be coming to the wedding.” They know a little bit of my Tragic Backstory™, so it’s not like it’ll be coming out of the left field or anything.
My therapist and I did some creative thinking and decided that perhaps telling them we decided to elope would be the best way to handle this. My fiance and I are going to pick a date, probably about five or six months before the wedding, to tell them we canceled everything and just eloped for reasons X/Y/Z. At this point, I really don’t care how they respond to that. I know it’ll be an easier letdown than “Hey, you’re not invited because you guys suck and can’t behave.” It’ll probably still cause a lot of drama, but at least they won’t be at the wedding.
I just needed to get this off my chest, guys. Can anyone relate?