Anyone else not really care about sex?

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I think a lot of people (not necessarily on here, but the through media portrayal in general) lie about how much sex they are doing. If both people are happy then you could be having sex once a year or 365 times a year and it would still be absolutely fine. I think your situation is probably way more normal and common than many people would care to admit. 

Post # 3
Member
3411 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Oh wow, I feel this post!! My fiance and I have sex more often at some times than others but neither of us has a massively high sex drive. We will often go weeks without it and it isn’t an issue. Other times we will have sex twice in one weekend. 

Feeling guilty about it and like there is something wrong with our relationship because we’re not having sex multiple times a week is something I’ve really struggled with throughout our relationship. I’m perfectly happy with our sex life and he seems to be as well – it’s not like we are frequently turning each other down or anything… When one of us wants it we do it. 

Your comment about feeling like there is social pressure telling you that you should be having more sex is super relatable to me. Because that is definitely what it comes down to for me. Doesn’t help that about a year into our relationship an acquaintance of mine that I used to be much closer with basically flipped when I said we don’t have sex every single week…. She was like “whaaaat? That’s definitely not healthy! Me and (bf) have sex every single day!”. Like… Uhh… Thanks for letting me that my perfectly satisfying and respectful relationship is unhealthy, ya bag!! 

Post # 4
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

My SO is very sexually driver while I could literally never have it again and be fine. When we first were together, I had a super high drive. We were long distance after college and sex was a priority when we saw each other, but how often we were having it when we did was completely skewed as we would only see each other once a month/ once every 2 months. I am finally at a place where I’m able to not over analyze and have it regularly (SO would have it every day if I let him), but our drives definitely don’t match. We’re in a good groove varying from once a week to probably 3x a week depending. I enjoy it when it’s happening (with the occasional I’m just doing this to get it over with), but I don’t ever initiate. We went a good two months with me not wanting anything. It’s been very hard for him to deal with when I shut him out. That’s why I’ve made it a priority to say yes and relax about the whole thing as it overall benefits our relationship a great deal to be in the place we are now. 

I can totally relate to your post!

Post # 5
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

Yeah sex doesn’t really do anything for me and if I never did it for the rest of my life I’d have no problem. I can’t believe it’s been hyped up so much and people are still perpetuating this myth that sex is the most amazing experience you could ever have, everyone’s life revolves around it, etc. I think it has a lot to do with countries seeking to promote population growth… I’m sure it’s an enjoyable activity for some but everyone’s experiences and sex drive are different. I couldnt care less about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I feel that if you are both happy with it then who cares? It really only matters if one partner needs it a lot more than the other partner and that partner doesn’t want it because then it can lead to problems.  Don’t let social pressure make you think there is a set amount you should have. All that is up to the couple.

Post # 7
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Sometimes I wonder what kind of jobs people have who are having sex every day.  Depending on the time of year I can be at work from 7am until 6pm Monday – Friday and FH works nights and weekends… Needless to say there are times when we see each other for a total of 2 waking hours a day… and during that time one of us is usually DEAD TIRED. During the summer it’s a whole new story and because I’m a teacher and off work. We find ourselves having sex exponentially more. We’ve gone months wihtout having sex before but now during our “dry spells” we make sure to have date nights and prioritize intimacy at least twice a month. My job takes a lot out of me mentally (and I go to the gym 3-4 times a week) so sometimes when I am home all I want to do is cuddle and watch a movie. 

You’re definitely not alone bee, as long as the two of your are satisfied that’s all that matters!

Post # 8
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I’m kind of in this boat, but it’s a hormonal imbalance that I’m working out because I wasnt always impartial to sex (and Fiance is gifted in this area). I think so long as you are still intimate in other ways and both of you are happy with this level of sexuality, you’re good! It’s really no one elses business how often you and your partner have sex!

Post # 9
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

ariesscientist :  To each their own but I feel totally the opposite! I did feel this way with an ex who was not a good partner and ultimately someone I was not happy with.

My fiance now, I want sex with him every day. Its a big part of our closeness and connection every day. We can text all day and cuddle on the couch at night, but sex is just our thing. We usually do it twice a night, occassionally again in the morning. We both really value it and enjoy it.

If you and your partner are both compatible and just both have low sex drives but are fulfilled and happy, I dont see anything wrong with it. To each their own. I couldnt do that.

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

Thank you for posting this. I’m glad to see it’s got some responses too. I have always felt this way about sex. I’d say twice a month is “ideal” but really I could do less or even none if I felt intimacy and closeness in other areas of the relationship. I make myself say yes at least once a week but I really can’t do more than that without feeling upset because I just don’t want it. 

How old is everyone here? I’m mid/late 20s and have been on the pill since I started having sex. I’m actually going to ask my dr about an IUD this month to see if it changes my desire to engage at all. It’s pretty stressful in relationships because no one has a drive as low as mine. And all my lady friends have high drives so they don’t really understand and I feel like a loser saying I don’t want sex 😕

Post # 11
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Get your hormone levels tested! Men and women!

I don’t think anyone should feel bad about having a high or low drive or desire. It’s generally more biological than an indication of the relationship. 

Low testosterone in women is a huge issue and in today’s age where the majority of woman have been on hormonal birth control in some form over their lifetime, and lead stressful lives, our hormone levels and regulation can be all messed up even years after stopping messing with them.

Your hormone levels effect so many other things in life that even if the interest in sex isn’t an issue it’s good to find out what your levels are.

Post # 13
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee

 I love sex and I do crave my partner daily.. But I could live without it. Mainly I love to give pleasure, and to be desired… so long as I am loved and appreciated  and get lots of affection..

Post # 14
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

Yeah… I enjoy sex but I rarely crave it. Weeks could go by and I wouldn’t notice that we haven’t done it. My Dh generally has a higher sex drive than me and when we do it, it’s likely because he initiated it. Sometimes in a long while, I will. But I could see how I could probably go months and not miss it. It’s just not the most essential component to my feeling intimacy with my husband.

I don’t think there is anything strange about your situation and if you and your partner are happy, then there is no problem. And I wouldn’t create one (in your mind) based on what others say or supposedly do. I think most people are exaggerating anyways!

Post # 15
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We’re definitely a “quality over quantity” couple and would both be happy with one good session every week or two. It’s lucky that we have matched drives in that sense. I totally know what you mean with thinking that the media, society, etc. tells us we should be jumping each other’s bones every hour of the day…but honestly, the thought of doing it every single day just seems exhausting to me. Like, the cleanup and everything every night…it would get really old for me. (Of course that’s more of an issue when there’s a penis in the mix!)

Honestly as long as you’re both happy and fulfilled (we’re also big cuddlers) I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I’m pregnant right now so it’s even more of an ordeal finding good positions, etc. so it’s been even more sparse recently but we’ve been getting in some epic cuddle sessions. 

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