Post # 1
Just wondering if any other women don’t really care that much about sex? A bit of background, I guess ever since I lost my virginity sex has been something that I’ve felt was not as amazing as the movies and tv shows made out. I’ve had five sexual partners and my fiancée is definitely the best, every time we have sex I orgasm and so does she, she listens to what I want an I enjoy myself. However, overall I can live without it. In the beginning we had sex multiple times a week, but almost four years later and we can go months in between having sex and neither of us cares. Do any other women feel the same?
I feel like there is this unofficial rule that if couples aren’t having sex at least x amount of times a month then something is wrong, but what if both partners are happy with this arrangement? I think we feel pressure to have sex more often, but sometimes it feels like we are having sex just to say we’ve had sex and not feel like there’s some issue with our relationship. We are very intimate other than this, we kiss and cuddle each other every day multiple times a day, but actual sex happens once or twice every two months on average. We have both said we should have sex more often, but I think this is due to societal pressure rather than something either of us truly wants. Does any one else feel the same?
Post # 2
I think a lot of people (not necessarily on here, but the through media portrayal in general) lie about how much sex they are doing. If both people are happy then you could be having sex once a year or 365 times a year and it would still be absolutely fine. I think your situation is probably way more normal and common than many people would care to admit.
Post # 3
Oh wow, I feel this post!! My fiance and I have sex more often at some times than others but neither of us has a massively high sex drive. We will often go weeks without it and it isn’t an issue. Other times we will have sex twice in one weekend.
Feeling guilty about it and like there is something wrong with our relationship because we’re not having sex multiple times a week is something I’ve really struggled with throughout our relationship. I’m perfectly happy with our sex life and he seems to be as well – it’s not like we are frequently turning each other down or anything… When one of us wants it we do it.
Your comment about feeling like there is social pressure telling you that you should be having more sex is super relatable to me. Because that is definitely what it comes down to for me. Doesn’t help that about a year into our relationship an acquaintance of mine that I used to be much closer with basically flipped when I said we don’t have sex every single week…. She was like “whaaaat? That’s definitely not healthy! Me and (bf) have sex every single day!”. Like… Uhh… Thanks for letting me that my perfectly satisfying and respectful relationship is unhealthy, ya bag!!
Post # 4
My SO is very sexually driver while I could literally never have it again and be fine. When we first were together, I had a super high drive. We were long distance after college and sex was a priority when we saw each other, but how often we were having it when we did was completely skewed as we would only see each other once a month/ once every 2 months. I am finally at a place where I’m able to not over analyze and have it regularly (SO would have it every day if I let him), but our drives definitely don’t match. We’re in a good groove varying from once a week to probably 3x a week depending. I enjoy it when it’s happening (with the occasional I’m just doing this to get it over with), but I don’t ever initiate. We went a good two months with me not wanting anything. It’s been very hard for him to deal with when I shut him out. That’s why I’ve made it a priority to say yes and relax about the whole thing as it overall benefits our relationship a great deal to be in the place we are now.
I can totally relate to your post!
Post # 5
Yeah sex doesn’t really do anything for me and if I never did it for the rest of my life I’d have no problem. I can’t believe it’s been hyped up so much and people are still perpetuating this myth that sex is the most amazing experience you could ever have, everyone’s life revolves around it, etc. I think it has a lot to do with countries seeking to promote population growth… I’m sure it’s an enjoyable activity for some but everyone’s experiences and sex drive are different. I couldnt care less about it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard
I feel that if you are both happy with it then who cares? It really only matters if one partner needs it a lot more than the other partner and that partner doesn’t want it because then it can lead to problems. Don’t let social pressure make you think there is a set amount you should have. All that is up to the couple.
Post # 7
Sometimes I wonder what kind of jobs people have who are having sex every day. Depending on the time of year I can be at work from 7am until 6pm Monday – Friday and FH works nights and weekends… Needless to say there are times when we see each other for a total of 2 waking hours a day… and during that time one of us is usually DEAD TIRED. During the summer it’s a whole new story and because I’m a teacher and off work. We find ourselves having sex exponentially more. We’ve gone months wihtout having sex before but now during our “dry spells” we make sure to have date nights and prioritize intimacy at least twice a month. My job takes a lot out of me mentally (and I go to the gym 3-4 times a week) so sometimes when I am home all I want to do is cuddle and watch a movie.
You’re definitely not alone bee, as long as the two of your are satisfied that’s all that matters!
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I’m kind of in this boat, but it’s a hormonal imbalance that I’m working out because I wasnt always impartial to sex (and Fiance is gifted in this area). I think so long as you are still intimate in other ways and both of you are happy with this level of sexuality, you’re good! It’s really no one elses business how often you and your partner have sex!
Post # 9
ariesscientist : To each their own but I feel totally the opposite! I did feel this way with an ex who was not a good partner and ultimately someone I was not happy with.
My fiance now, I want sex with him every day. Its a big part of our closeness and connection every day. We can text all day and cuddle on the couch at night, but sex is just our thing. We usually do it twice a night, occassionally again in the morning. We both really value it and enjoy it.
If you and your partner are both compatible and just both have low sex drives but are fulfilled and happy, I dont see anything wrong with it. To each their own. I couldnt do that.
Post # 10
Thank you for posting this. I’m glad to see it’s got some responses too. I have always felt this way about sex. I’d say twice a month is “ideal” but really I could do less or even none if I felt intimacy and closeness in other areas of the relationship. I make myself say yes at least once a week but I really can’t do more than that without feeling upset because I just don’t want it.
How old is everyone here? I’m mid/late 20s and have been on the pill since I started having sex. I’m actually going to ask my dr about an IUD this month to see if it changes my desire to engage at all. It’s pretty stressful in relationships because no one has a drive as low as mine. And all my lady friends have high drives so they don’t really understand and I feel like a loser saying I don’t want sex 😕
Post # 11
Get your hormone levels tested! Men and women!
I don’t think anyone should feel bad about having a high or low drive or desire. It’s generally more biological than an indication of the relationship.
Low testosterone in women is a huge issue and in today’s age where the majority of woman have been on hormonal birth control in some form over their lifetime, and lead stressful lives, our hormone levels and regulation can be all messed up even years after stopping messing with them.
Your hormone levels effect so many other things in life that even if the interest in sex isn’t an issue it’s good to find out what your levels are.
Post # 12
Glad to see I’m not the only one, it’s sad to say but I can’t speak to my friends about this because I feel like if they don’t agree they’re gonna think there’s some issue with our relationship when there isn’t. I’m 29 next month and my fiancée is 30. I have endometriosis and IBS and we’re both on antidepressants (I’m trying to come off mine as I haven’t been depressed for years) so I feel like all this factors in, but I have always felt as though I’m not really getting what the big deal is when it comes to sex regardless of which partner I was with. I enjoy it, especially in the beginning as it’s exciting with a new partner, but it was never quite as amazing as I expected. I think I am quite hard to please (I am vocal and my partner is very good) but from the time I first started having sex I expected it to be easier like it is in the movies where everything feels amazing and you orgasm so easily (sounds so naive, but that’s the truth) and it’s obviously not like that. It’s easier for me to come from masturbation, but I rarely do that anymore either.
I guess I just have no motivation to have more of it despite enjoying it when I do, it’s nice and pleasurable, but I’ve never felt like it was incredible regardless of who I was with, although at the beginning I definitely had a lot more interest, but I think that’s natural with every relationship. I’ve sort of hinted at this with people and they instantly tell me that they regularly have sex (multiple times a week) and can’t go without it and it just makes me worry that there is something wrong with us?
Post # 13
I love sex and I do crave my partner daily.. But I could live without it. Mainly I love to give pleasure, and to be desired… so long as I am loved and appreciated and get lots of affection..
Post # 14
Yeah… I enjoy sex but I rarely crave it. Weeks could go by and I wouldn’t notice that we haven’t done it. My Dh generally has a higher sex drive than me and when we do it, it’s likely because he initiated it. Sometimes in a long while, I will. But I could see how I could probably go months and not miss it. It’s just not the most essential component to my feeling intimacy with my husband.
I don’t think there is anything strange about your situation and if you and your partner are happy, then there is no problem. And I wouldn’t create one (in your mind) based on what others say or supposedly do. I think most people are exaggerating anyways!
Post # 15
We’re definitely a “quality over quantity” couple and would both be happy with one good session every week or two. It’s lucky that we have matched drives in that sense. I totally know what you mean with thinking that the media, society, etc. tells us we should be jumping each other’s bones every hour of the day…but honestly, the thought of doing it every single day just seems exhausting to me. Like, the cleanup and everything every night…it would get really old for me. (Of course that’s more of an issue when there’s a penis in the mix!)
Honestly as long as you’re both happy and fulfilled (we’re also big cuddlers) I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I’m pregnant right now so it’s even more of an ordeal finding good positions, etc. so it’s been even more sparse recently but we’ve been getting in some epic cuddle sessions.