(Closed) Anyone else NOT so excited?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm this is the opposite to what we normally get here, which is “I don’t care so much about the wedding, I just want to be married to him” – you are saying the complete opposite. Why are you getting married if you don’t want to? Is it very important to your FI? If you don’t want to get married but want to have a party, then just have a party. If being married is very important to your Fiance and you are happy to go along with it to keep him happy, then that’s ok as long as you’re ok with it too. There are no “shoulds” in an engagement – the minute we start thinking we “should” do certain things or feel certain things, the stress and anxiety starts. It’s just about you, as a couple, and what is important to you. So don’t think about what you “should” do or feel, just enjoy your wonderful man (and party!)

Post # 4
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Hey mmuncha,

I completely understand how you are feeling.  I am looking forward to marrying my Fiance and excited about that aspect; however, I’m not excited about the whole wedding planning.  As a matter of fact, when we get married it’s just going to be the two of us and no one else there.  We are both the loner types.  Congratulations on your engagement!

Post # 7
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can relate to the lack of excitement, at least sometimes…I can also relate to having kind of a loner personality. I think for me the reality has not quite sunk in that THIS IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN IN, LIKE, 6 WEEKS.

In some ways I’ve felt actually detached from the whole reality of it…like, it’s *happening,* but I’m not even sure entirely *what* is happening.

I think the most important thing is your relationship with your Fiance. If you *know* you love him and you *know* you’ll want to see him every day for eternity and you see him in your future with your future children, then the rest of the feelings will follow at their times…

 

Post # 8
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Ok, It is still morning here, I am trying to understand.  Is it that you WANT to get MARRIED, but you’re not excited for Wedding Planning???  OR is it that you just don’t care to be/get Married versus living together???  I’m  not following . . . sorry, please clarify!  :-S

Post # 9
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Your post was confusing – you said you want to be married but you are not looking forward to the marriage! If you aren’t looking forward to the marriage why are you getting married?

Post # 11
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@mmuncha: Your wording is very confusing for us! You are equating “marriage” with the wedding, while we think of “marriage” as the “rest of your life” aspect that you have stated you are excited about. You should start by saying “I am exciting to be married, but I’m not excited to plan a wedding or being in a wedding.”

I can sympathize… wedding planning is very stressful and there are a lot of eyes on you. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just skip all of that – which is why people elope! You certainly aren’t the first woman to be “meh” over a wedding.

The important thing is to clarify that you are excited *to be married*  – regardless of how you get there!

Post # 12
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

The best thing you can do (after you’re sure you want to be married!!) is to not force yourself to feel giddy about the wedding planning. It’ll just make you nuts. So find a good middle ground with your fiance, and have your wedding the way you want to! Congrats 🙂

We were happy and in love and all those things when we got engaged, but we didn’t approach wedding planning with the… fever.. that some people do. We took 6-7 weeks to go pick out a ring after getting engaged, I bought my dress(s) online, we didn’t force ourselves to go through the motions unless they were genuine interests.

Post # 14
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you scared of a divorce?

Maybe you would do better with having a wedding to declare your commitment to one another aka a commitment ceremony but not actually legally get married?!?!?!?!

Then nothing really is different! Not that anything has to be different after you are married anyway!

Would that make you more excited?

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I dont know if im in the exact same boat as you but i feel the same way sometimes. I just want it all done so we can move on. I didnt want to go dress shopping I bought the 5th dress i tried on, i didnt care when it came in and when people get all excited about the wedding and yell “your getting married in 8 weeks!!!” im lke” yeahhhhh cool?!”

Idont know if its the stress that coming etc but whatever. I know i love him and want to be with him forever so thats all that matters. I guess just enjoy your time together and be happy for the relationship you guys have…not every girl is in to the whole wedding thing or like to define their relationship by “dating” “engaged” or “married” 🙂

Post # 16
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@mmuncha: In one of your other posts, you were describing how you didn’t feel the same as others who were excited over their wedding dress or see my ring, and how you didn’t really care about any of that. You were emphasing the wedding part. That made it seem like it was the wedding you were uncomfortable with. And in your first post you went from saying marriage isn’t exciting to me to saying “I just want to be married.” So yeah, it was confusing to some of us.

Also, are you saying you planned the wedding in 4 days? Well maybe you just need some time to get into the groove and have it sink in. I’m excited about the wedding now but when I first got engaged it was the last thing I wanted to do. It might take some time to start envisioning marriage and getting excited about that.

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