(Closed) Anyone else scared?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with anonymously.  Her post was neither snarky nor mean.

I hope/think that the OP was just exagerating because she was defensive about saying she’s scared and afraid people would accuse her of not loving her Fiance.  Being scared is NOT about not loving your Fiance.

I am always sad when women talk about their relationships in terms of “having no other choice”.  This is true if they mean it in either a practical or emotional way.  I don’t think it’s healthy and I don’t think it’s ever true. 

I think every woman deserves a relationship that she would choose, even given other great options.

Post # 34
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

It’s terrifying. I know too many people who are divorced – regardless of how long they’ve been married. My parents are friends with a couple that had been married nearly 40yrs. I remember looking at them when I was a kid & thinking how I wished I’d have a marriage like that someday – they always looked so in love, even when no one was really watching. They divorced last year. Granted, things prob. changed since I was 8 but still…

I just have to keep faith that Fiance and I got back together for a reason in the first place. Our story is similar to his Aunt & Uncle who went on to have 7 (SEVEN!!) kids! We also have great examples – his parents have been married for 30+yrs and mine will be married 50yrs in May.

Luckily Fiance and I are like-minded & rarely fight but regardless of what’s going on, I tell him all the time:
I love you. I always love you. I may not always LIKE you, but I always love you. LOL

Post # 35
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

Hi ladies – Having been there and done that, I wanted to answer from a different perspective…  please don’t take this as a gloom and doom answer – because it is not.

I was married for 8 years and completely in love with my husband.  We went through and dealt with some difficult things (his mother’s death, his father’s drug problem) and when it was all said and done, I walked away knowing I had done everything I possibly could have done to save it.  Ultimately it was his choice to give up and nothing I tried was going to change that.  There were days when just the thought of becoming a statistic was so devastating to me that I couldn’t get out of bed.  When I finally reached the point of knowing that I had to do what was healthiest for me and for my children, I had to set aside my feelings of fear and shame.

Looking back, I can see where there were things we could have worked on or improved, but it would not have changed the outcome, maybe just the timeline.

In all honesty, I don’t have that fear this time.  I assume that it is mostly because I see for the first time what a REAL partnership looks like, what real honesty and communication are. 

You and your husbands or soon to be husbands WILL MAKE IT but only with a real commitment to communication and your marriage.  You will.  When you love someone and you’re willing to do the work almost all things can be mended.  Have faith in yourselves, in your relationships, and in your love.   

Of course this doesn’t mean stay with an abusive partner, but relationships are work – and almost never 50/50. 

Wish you all the best.

 

Post # 36
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think if you aren’t scared, you aren’t taking it seriously enough. It is a huge life changing step. Even if you don’t get divorced and stay happily married, getting married will surely take your life in some difficult and challenging directions. Acknowledging that is important, in my opinion. Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows! But I still want to be married more than anything. I want that life with my Fiance, because I know that no matter the hardships, I can’t think of any other life that could be right for me, other than this one.

Post # 37
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I get scared from time to time – but one thing that scares me more often is cheating.

I personally have never been cheated on – that I know of – and I trust that Mr. M would never cheat on me and I couldn’t be with him if I didn’t trust him.

But I feel like I am surrounded by it – all of my GFs have been cheated on and some of them have cheated themselves – it’s all over TV and movies and in the media. It’s just so scary! 

I understand how quickly and easily it can happen and I feel like cheating is the easy road but I guess that is what scares me to much.

I know this is kind of taking a turn on your post but these are my fears!

Post # 38
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think asking this question was great.  No one wants to admit that being engaged isn’t all rainbows and butterflies.  Society sometimes makes being engaged look like you should be totally wrapped up in all of the joy and romance, but let’s be real.  Sometimes that is not real life.  I have spells of being scared, but I’m honest with Mr. Library about it.  It helps knowing that we can work through it together and we’re on the same page.  It’s better than going through it all alone.  

Post # 39
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yes, at times before the wedding, if I thought of it too in-depth, it did scare me. Honestly, a couple of days after the wedding it started to scare me again…it’s natural.  Everything is okay.  You say “yes” because you are in love and you are hopeful and you keep it going because you’re in love and you are hopeful.  It will be okay 🙂

Post # 40
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m scared and I’m already married.  Things aren’t always that great and sometimes I wonder what I got myself into.  And I haven’t even been married 2 months yet.  Marriage is going to be hard, and I understand that fully.

Post # 41
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have moments like this all the time but I just remind myself what we have both gone through to get to where we are today and I realize that if we were not meant to be together and to get married then we wouldnt have found each other again after so many years.

Post # 42
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I have had my moments of being completly overwhelmed with fear. I can’t imagine not having my FH around and as my best friend. We are determined to work through whatever issues may arise. I also took some time to research what elements can give us the best chances for success. They were to be >25 years of age, be college educated, share the same religious beliefs and be financially secure. If these elements appeared over and over in elements of sucessful marriages. Hope this helps

Post # 43
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Im so glad I read this thread! I just had my first bout of “cold feet” the other day. And it was the day I bought my wedding dress!! It was because it made it feel very real and it was the first time it truly sunk in! I was honest with my Fiance when he came home from being out of town that weekend and we talked about it. He assured me that its normal to get cold feet and that it happens to everyone. It IS a huge step in life! Being scared means that you love that person so much that you would never want to be without them…and thats a good thing! But, like a lot of other posters said, you just have to keep working at your relationship and keep showing and telling each other that you love one another, on a daily basis. And always remind yourself of why you are thankful to have your (future) husband!!! Good luck to you! Im sure you will have a beautiful marriage with many years of happiness to come Smile

Post # 44
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

honestly, yes, divorce rates defiitely scare me which is why I’m all for premarital counseling. i figure i could use all the help i can get.

Post # 45
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I get scared all the time! But Fiance always tells me its taking a leap of faith, I was never religious before I met him and grew up with no religion, he’s Catholic, now im taking classes to convert to a Catholic and its helping me believe more in faith

Post # 46
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i’m uber scared of things not working out, which is both a good thing and a bad thing that we’ve been together for so long. we’ve been through a lot together, and have managed to come out unscathed, so that is heartening. but things like – what happens when our parents die? what happens if one of us loses a job? what if one day we just get utterly bored of one another? it’s the what if’s that scare me the most, and i know that you can’t dwell on what hasn’t happened yet, but still – makes me nervous! my mother never married my father (i’m a classic ’80s teenage pregnancy statistic!!) and my grandparents probably wanted to kill each other 75% of the time until one of them actually did die… so i don’t know where that leaves me! i definitely want to get married but my guard is still up. i think once it all becomes real some of my fears will be quelled. but i’m sure a lot of married couples still have those questions!

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