Post # 1
Since we have been married Darling Husband and I have seem to become much more distant from most of our friends. Our financial situation has changed so I think our interest have changes as well. Now that we have our own house we just don’t have the money to go out every weekend like we used to and because we aren’t going out as much we have stopped getting most of the phone calls. Part of me doesn’t really care because I am enjoying my time with Darling Husband but at the same time it hurts losing all of my friends. I just feel like we are in a different phase in our lives, bought a house, trying to save for a baby, etc. that we just don’t have much in common with some of the people we used to always hang out with. Did you feel like you lost a lot of your friends after getting married? How did you make new friends that shared your new interests?
Post # 3
@roxy821: While its not the exact same situation, I have become distant with some of my friends as well. Including 2 of my bridesmaids. Its really sad but for some reason it is impossible to hang out with them now. Its like they feel like they cant relate to me as much even though Im still the same person and still do the same things. Darling Husband and I have actually been getting closer to different friends now that we are married. We are closer with our friends who are engaged and in the same stage as us. I guess the dynamics just change but I never thought there would be a noticeable shift so soon after getting married. I didnt see one of my bridesmaids for 5 months after our wedding – and she lives 20 minutes away!! Instead of focusing on the distance with some friends I am more focusing on getting closer to our newer friends.
Post # 4
I’m not married yet but when I went back to Chicago for Thanksgiving, I found that I didn’t relate as well to some of my friends anymore. Its probably a combination of doing a lot of traveling, settling down with one man, and plain old growing up.
Post # 5
@PitBullLover- The friends we have the are married live in property owned by their parents so they don’t have any expenses and we do have a couple of friends who have just gotten engaged but are still really into partying. Hopefully we can start meeting some new friends.
Post # 6
Yeah, we’re going through this, too. We’re not married yet, but we bough a house in the suburbs a while ago. We’re farther away from our friends, and most of our money now goes to our house…which we are in love with!
I’ve found that I don’t relate as well to my single friends anymore. They want to go bar hopping and stay out until 2 am, and I want to meet for dinner or a walk in the park and be home by 9.
I still love them and have fun with them, but it is different, and I see them way less. I find that life is busy, and I want to spend the majority of my downtime with my Fiance.
I think it’s natural for relationships and needs to change as you go through various life stages. The saying is so true…”make new friends, but keep the old!”
Post # 7
Why don’t you invite your friends over to your house for a dinner party or cocktails? Definitely cheaper than going out, but you still get to socialize with them.
Post # 8
We are kind of going thru the same thing…We are not married yet. But we have moved and bought a house. Not that we are caught up in our own lives so much but we notice the majority of our single friends still do the whole bar routine. We are over that for the most part yet we would go drinking every now and then but not every weekend. Our married/engaged/have children friends have more of a similar life routine…where they are busy with jobs, weddings, kids, etc.
Join different groups/activities/classes to help meet others in the same chapter in life.
I plan on having a get together at our house for dinners during sports games. that seems to bring both kind of friends around
Post # 9
I lost two of my BMs one just stopped returning my texts or if she did it was one worded and I tried catching up and she would ‘forget” it was pretty cruel place to be in.
I thought to myself, I havent changed… I still want to hang out, go for coffee, girls movie nights, catch up in general. But I think she has. It hurt and im still in the stage of getting over it and just moving on.
However I come from a pretty small city, so its very hard to meet new people and my job takes up alot of hours. I have resigned myself that I will meet some new people soon and hopefully get along with them better.
Dont let it get to you. Gotta be strong! Well I keep telling myself that. Friendship is a two way street, not one way.
Post # 10
We are going through the same thing. We arent married yet but we bought our first home a year ago, and spend our weekends working on the house. We don’t really like hanging out at bars anymore, and would much prefer hanging out with friends at someones house, or going out to dinner. It just seems like our friends are all at different stages of their life and we don’t have the same interests anymore. It sucks 🙁
Post # 11
Not married, but it happened as soon as we were engaged. It sucks, but you know what? C’est la vie. Most of our friends are immature drunks. If they can’t be happy for us nor can they be somewhat mature to hang out, then it’s not worth my time.
Post # 12
@EmeraldR- I have tried having get togethers at my house but it costs money for me to have everyone over food, drinks, etc. so it doesn’t end up being cheaper than going out and most of my friends would still rather go out to a club or bar then have some drinks at someone’s house. I guess too when people are single they want to be at a place where they can meet other people.
Post # 13
The same thing happened to me too. But a friend told me when you get engaged/married, you will have half the time you used to have and twice as many people to spend it with, so use it wisely. That made me feel better since now I only spend time with people who mean something to me and make my life better
Post # 15
Our group of friends definitely changed after the wedding. I think it was a combination of discovering who our ‘true’ friends were, those who made an effort to come to our wedding and support us, and at the same time our interests changed and therefore relationships with certain friends changed.
For example, we both have a lot less ‘casual’ friendships, it’s kind of all or nothing now. Like we don’t make as big an effort to spend time with people who we were only meeting up with every few months to begin with. We put less pressure on ourselves to keep these friendships going because we have other things going on in our lives like our marriage and buying a home.
I actually see more of my close girlfriends now, because I cherish those relationships more than ever. And cutting back on the above mentioned casual friendships is allowing more time for them.
Post # 16
@gb4: That’s a genius way of looking at it.
Quite a few of our single friends leave us out of stuff all the time. It doesn’t bother Fiance as much as it bothers me. They all live in the city, and we live at 45-an hour outside of the city, so it doesn’t make sense for us to go down there all the time to hang out. We do every once in a while, but man, it wears you out!
We’ve started doing a lot of things with other couples, because I think that’s just how it goes once you get engaged/married. It’s a different atmosphere.