Post # 1
So I’ve lost an argument with FI, and we’re sending out our (electronic, also his idea) invitations four and a half months before our wedding. We did send out save-the-dates, but those were electronic too, and few people actually do anything productive towards going to a wedding 8 months in advance. He has good points, and at the end of the day, my argument, “but, etiquette!” just didn’t hold up very well. So whatever, I think it’ll actually be nice to get a fairly accurate head count far in advance, I think we’ll ask for RSVPs by the 3 month mark.
These are our reasons for doing it stupid early:
1. Our wedding is the weekend of San Francisco Pride (cool but not ideal lol), so hotels WILL book up. Our venue coordinator said this doesn’t happen until the last minute, but better safe than sorry.
2. His family is coming from all around the US, so they need to book flights.
3. My family is coming from two hours away, so they’ll need to decide what nights they want to book a hotel, if any.
4. Lots of forgetful people and slackers are invited
5. It’s easier to just send reminders to people who have actually said they’re coming than to everyone invited.
Writing all this out has made me feel better about the whole thing, and it won’t feel official unless I actually post it, so here you go. Anyone else in a similar situation?
Post # 3
Honestly, I find the 8-10 weeks before the wedding way too little time. I wished we sent ours out sooner, so I think sending them out at four months is fine. think asking for rsvps 3 months before is a bit aggressive though. People will have much better visibility 2 months out.
Post # 4
I think especially given that your family has to book flights and hotels may be hard to come by, it’s totally reasonable…
I thought 3 months was standard? I was planning to send mine 3-4 months in advance. I want to know how many people are coming for sure… And I don’t want to be stressed out worrying about RSVPs in the few weeks before the wedding.
This way, people have time to respond if they aren’t sure just yet about time off or something, and for you – it gives them time to watch for cheap flights. Def not too early
Post # 5
@ladyamalthea: I sent mine out that early. Mine is also a destination wedding. I haven’t gotten any complaints.
Post # 6
@CityBearBride: That’s a good point, I just don’t want people to have so much time to RSVP that they forget, you know? But I suppose two months is still plenty of time to hunt down stragglers. I haven’t talked about the RSVP deadline with FI yet, so I’ll have to see what he thinks 🙂
Post # 7
Bea ware that you still might not get an accurate count, especially from in town/local guests. 3-4 months out, people may not know work schedules, etc. also be prepared for people to change their response as your wedding date gets closer.
Post # 8
@MrsPhilly: Traditionally, it’s something like 6-10 weeks, depending on who you ask. But I just saw that The Knot actually advises sending out invitations 3 months in advance for a destination wedding. The Knot also says the RSVP deadline should be 2-3 weeks in advance… Screw that, I say.
Also, fun fact, I just read an article that said that, on average, 7 weeks out is the cheapest time to book a domestic flight, and 200+ days early or less than 11 days before is the worst.
Post # 9
We have people coming from Guam and Hawaii to Germany and everywhere in between. We sent out save the dates so I don’t really see a reason I’d need to send them more than 8 weeks in advance. I would find an RSVP date 3 months in advance odd because I likely will not know my schedule until 4-6 weeks before or be able to request off work that early. There’s nothing really wrong about sending them early, you just may get a lot of people chaning their RSVPs from yes to no or no to yes after the deadline.
Post # 10
@ladyamalthea: I just got an invitation for a wedding in August. Invitation- not STD. My immediate reaction is to check yes for my FI and I and get it in the mail. But really, more than 8 weeks out I don’t actually know that I’m going to make it. Your count will not be accurate, really. I feel like you’re just making more work for yourself since you’ll have to remind everyone again closer to the time you should have sent invitations.
Post # 11
MrsN14’s comment is really true – technically, since you send save the dates, they should be aware of the date and when they’d need a flight. And as soon as they got them, they should have started planning and looking for flights (if they intend to come to the wedding)… so technically you shouldn’t need to send them early. But… I guess you never know if it went into their junkmail folder (since its electronic) so with the actual invite, you’ll get rsvps and responses to be able to know that they were received…. So I guess I’d still send them early for that reason
Post # 12
I definitely sent out WAY early RSVPs. We asked for an early RSVP on our Save the Dates, and despite my fears, it’s actually been working really well. Even though I’m getting married where I grew up, it’s pretty much a destination for 85% of our guests.
Those people who did know their plans 6 months out have been so helpful. We had a lot more people on our guest list we wanted to invite (we’re very limited on space so had to invite my FI’s very large immediate family first). Now we can invite those other guests without only giving them a few weeks to make their travel plans, and we still covered our bases by letting the relatives know first.
Post # 13
@ladyamalthea: I think the earlier, the better. June is such a popular wedding month that people may need to plan around other weddings!
Post # 14
@DuckEBee: +1… among our group of friends, there are four other couples getting married, and FI’s sister is actually getting married a month and a half before us (they had to push back their wedding date, so that’s why it’s so close now)!
Post # 15
@ladyamalthea: Just wanted to say that two years ago I flew into San Fran the day of Pride, although I had no idea until we got there. We were meeting FI’s Dad who had been stationed out there. We ended up having to get a hotel room last minute because his Dad had to go to Arizona for the day and didn’t get back in time. ONE night in a hotel cost us $350 and it was nothing fancy!
Post # 16
@Glasgowbound: Fair enough, I’m definitely keeping that in mind. I’m hoping that anyone who can’t RSVP by the deadline decides to contact me directly about it, and if they have to change their mind, they do it in a timely manner. A friend of mine had 20 family members she invited to her wedding RSVP yes and just not show up, I’d be so pissed if people did that to me! I think I’ll send a couple of emails to guests a month and a couple weeks before the wedding, hopefully that guilts anyone thinking about pulling that shit into letting me know.
But I just realized we’re doing plated meals and still haven’t done our tasting, so I don’t know if four months will work for us after all. FI might just say we can ask everyone afterwards, we’ll see.