(Closed) Anyone else spending the holidays without SO due to no engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@nursinggirl: I don’t understand why you can’t spend it with your SO though you’re not engaged.  Just seems silly and unfair to me.  Sorry you’re going through this.  It’s a shame your SO won’t stay home to spend it with you as well.

Post # 4
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Would you mind clarifying who said it wasn’t allowed? Just trying to to get a clearer picture.

 

Post # 6
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s so rude. I’m sorry. My family has always included friends, roommates, boyfriends, etc. in all of our celebrations. I can’t imaging being part of such an exclusive family. I’m so sorry. That must hurt.

Post # 7
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@nursinggirl: Okay, so you both big enough to make your decisions but have loyalties that drive you apart for the holidays. I get it, totally. 

During our six year pre-engaged relationship his family was big on reminding us that we weren’t married and took every opportunity to point it out. It sounds like his family is similar and I am sorry…it hurts.

In all honesty I would have zero tolerance for being apart over the holidays especially if you have some time invested in the relationship. Being together for several years is just as important as having a ring on your finger, it is a pity he won’t stand up to them if this is the case.

 

Post # 8
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@nursinggirl: That sounds rough, I’m sorry you have to spend the holidays without him. 🙁

Post # 9
Member
3988 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I did last year but not this year. Why does he have to go so long?  It sucks! Hugs

Post # 12
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

When Darling Husband and I were dating, we never spent the holidays together.  Each of our families had special traditions that were family only, and unless you were engaged or married, you weren’t family yet.  Now, we also didn’t live together and if we did, it probably would have been different, plus there were other events that we were each invited to over the holidays.  We also lived pretty close to each other.  However, every family operates differently.  

I guess you have two options:  ask him to not go and celebrate with you, or wait to go until you’re engaged.  Both options are kind of sucky, but at the same time, you can’t change a family’s traditions even if you disagree with them.  I hope things work out and you enjoy your holiday!!  This is the first Christmas that Darling Husband and I will spend together since being together for 4 years, and it’s likely the last one we’ll spend together for a few years so I know how you feel.

Post # 14
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I will get to spend time with his mom and her extended family this Christmas, which I’m pretty thrilled about. After that, early in the year, we are going to go visit my extended family- I’ve never introduced a boyfriend to my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandmas. Last time I visited, ALL of them asked when we are going to get married, because in my family, it’s not an unreasonable thing to start thinking about when you’ve dated for two years at our age. His family doesn’t seem to share the same feelings, so hopefully there won’t be too many occurences where the subject arises…

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If you really have nothing else to do and will be sitting alone for the holidays, I think it’s a little unfair that no one will adjust their ‘rules’ to include you. Because I bet if your SO had a roomate who had no family or friends to be with, his family might feel differently about openin their doors to him – but since you’re a girlfriend and could potentially break up they are getting weird.

Post # 16
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Sadly, I am sort of going through this as well.  Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have partially spent a few holidays together, but due to school + my parents being divorced, it gets tricky.  Usually, I spend Christmas Eve + morning with my dad while Boyfriend or Best Friend stays with his folks, then I join them for dinner with BF’s extended family.  But this past summer my dad moved into a smaller apartment, so if I want to stay at his place, I’ll have to sleep on the couch :/  I’ve tried to ask Boyfriend or Best Friend if I could stay with him with his folks (they’re only 20 mins away from my dad), but Christmas Eve is strictly family only.  I don’t even know if its enforced by his parents anymore, but he’s not even willing to talk to them about it b/c he doesn’t want to change things.

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