(Closed) Anyone else struggling with the desire to be "perfect"

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, honey – I think a lot of Bees experience this. And I think it does have to do with the media, both the way it portrays women and all of the wedding rhetoric about it being “all about the bride” and “the best/most perfect/most important day of your life.”

A couple of strategies for countering that:

– Always, always, always frame it as “OUR wedding,” and not “MY wedding.” It helps take the focus off you and remind you that you are part of a team, you’re in this together, and that’s what’s important.

– Recognize that it’s actually really silly to hope/expect/want the wedding day to be “the best day of your life,” because you don’t really want to peak on Day One, do you? And have it be downhill from there? Think of the wedding as more of a beginning than a culmination. Yes, it’s very important and you want to look beautiful (and you WILL!), but you don’t need to put such extreme pressure on yourself.

Best of luck to you and welcome to the Bee! I hope you find a lot of great support here.

Post # 4
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the most important thing that may help with this, is to remember that nobody will be looking at your wedding pics, or even caring/remembering much about your wedding about 2 weeks after it’s done….except you, your Darling Husband, and maybe your parents. Remembering that takes a lot of the pressure off. Nobody will remember if you are perfect, of if you have slightly crooked teeth. They will be too busy dancing, or reuniting with family, or hitting the bar.

Post # 5
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MissSandyShore:  Sounds pretty normal to me. And yes, 118 is about perfect for your height!


Think of your wedding as an event where everyone who is there loves you. For you. Not because you’re looking extra pretty that day. Not because of your weight. I have never seen a bride that wasn’t somehow glowing. People don’t notice details. You’re not there to sell the wedding pics to the press for a couple of million. You’re there to celebrate with people who care about you and will think you look gorgeous no matter what.


Post # 6
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Remember your Fiance loves you FOR WHO YOU ARE! Please stop obessing, it is not healthy. 

Post # 7
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@MissSandyShore:  Remember this: even the hottest model in the world doesn’t wake up looking like “herself” as you know her. If you were airbrushed to sh*t, had a personal trainer, meals delivered to you, and lived the same lifestyle as celebrities, you would look like them too.

But do you know who does think you’re perfect? Your Fiance 🙂 he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, exactly as you are right now. You don’t need to change for the wedding, or anything else. He asked you to marry him looking just as you do. So while us regular folks may never look like Adriana Lima, we all found partners who don’t give a damn 🙂

We all face insecurities, but don’t let them control your life. When you get these negative thoughts, force yourself to start listing all the great qualities you have. I always do my best to shut that little nagging voice in my head right up!  

Post # 9
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I feel like I’m having trouble catching up with the unrealistic image I had of myself on my wedding day. For my whole life my wedding has been so far in the future that I pictured myself as a model with C cups, long thick curly hair, perfectly strait white teeth, a killer tan and  flawless skin….I still feel like a little girl playing dress up.

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