(Closed) Anyone else struggling with the role of ‘Bride’?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@thewheelsonthebus: I know what you mean, I love weddings, but I feel weird being “the bride”.  I thought I’d like planning my wedding, but it actually made me completely freakedWe’ve been together for years and already have 2 kids, everything “wedding” just seemed so wrong. So now we are doing everything kind of unweddingy, blue dress, wedding pie, no attendands except our kids, etc. I’m just looking at it as a party to celebrate our family.  I don’t really have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only “Bride” who doesn’t feel very “bridal”.

Post # 4
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t do it for a living, but I’m very much an event planner/behind the scenes type person.  I wasn’t really feeling like a bride throughout my entire engagement either (or however I thought a bride should feel).

I think you should ask yourself how YOU think a bride should feel.  Thinking about that made me realize I was so concerned about everyone’s feelings/expectations, I was failing to consider my own.

When I started caring more about my experience, that’s when the bridal feelings came through.  And, honestly, it wasn’t really until the day of that I felt like Fiance and I were the ONLY people that mattered.  That was my mantra:  nothing else matters except Fiance and myself… 

The shower may help, even though a lot of your friends won’t be there… it definitely will start making your mentally realize ‘this is all for you’.

And, if that doesn’t work – I’m a firm believer in:  fake it til you make it.  The more you embrace the experience (even though it may feel different than expected) the more likely you’ll be able to enjoy the present vs. what you think the present may feel like (if that makes any sense).

Post # 5
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Im finding that I love the planning more than I love the “attention” or actual title of being a “Bride” would much rather jump to the WIFE title already. And I really dont how to act or what is expected of me, since Im doing so much on my own as well (like you with DIYing and planning independtly)! Its makes me feel sad that im finding myself to be so independent that I feel like I have no one to share in the joy with (well besides your Fiance and moms of course!) but you know that girl bonding time.

I hope the “BRIDE” switch clicks on for ALL of us worried Bees soon! And esp. for you OP, your wedding being next month! Do you maybe feel burnt out, or like its just another client’s wedding?!

and ITA with @oracle:

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t really relate to you in the way that I am used to planning weddings and being on the sidelines, and then have to switch to your own wedding and be on the other side. But I do relate to you, because I feel weird being in the limelight! It feels weird to have everyone fussing and ooing and ahhing over you. 

My shower is next weekend and I have a feeling I’ll just be a total goofball. I’ve always been weird about getting compliments, and since I’ve gotten engaged it’s all the time. The ring, the dress, my hair…whatever. They’re flying all around me. 

But I’ve really had to check in with myself and remind me that this (hopefully!) is the only time I’ll EVER have this much attention in my life. I might as well enjoy it, and try to keep happy about it!

Post # 8
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I could have written this. My career is also planning events and I adore the behind the scenes role and handling the logistics part and all, but I also don’t get what I’m supposed to feel as a bride. I work it out by just thinking of myself as a host of kick ass party.

Post # 9
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree with Oracle.  I have been so concerned with everyone else’s feeling that I have let my own fall to the back. I barely remember my own engagment party because I ws running around trying to make sure everyone had a good time.  Two of my bridesmaids have been hitting me over the head with the fact that this is my wedding and what I and the boy wants is what matters.  IT has helped alot. Take a deep breathe and realize that you are a bride and anything you feel is what you are supposed to feel.  Relish each task no matter how menial and know that you have marked something else off of your bridal list.  That makes me smile.

Post # 10
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Ms. Valentin: The BEST advice I got (which really helped me on the wedding day) was from a mom that was with her daughter at the bridal salon when I went in for a fitting (turns out her daughter was the wife of a childhood friend of mine…) BUT – she said:  on the wedding day, don’t let anything bother you.  Let other people worry about details and just enjoy the day with your love.  

I really took that advice to heart – people were asking me what I thought about doing this or that – and my response was:  “Whatever you think is best”.  The only opinion/idea/focus I had was thinking about my soon to be or new husband and enjoying the day with him.  The day really goes by all to quickly and you can’t take any of it back…. 

I was so glad I go that advice because it gave me the permission (I never really needed) to be selfish about ME and that day.

Edit to add:  I know it’s not ‘all about me’ – but on that day – it really is all about you and your husband.  Don’t be afraid to think that way and just soak in all the well wishes (I also found that all the drama/opinions/nay-sayers on different ideas were long-gone – everyone just had a wonderful time and was happy because I was happy…. if that makes any sense).

Post # 11
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I was Maid/Matron of Honor for one of my best friends who is most definitely an introvert. She had a lot of anxiety about the day-of. However, she occupied the role of “Bride” effortlessly. She told me afterwards that you kind of just go with the flow of the day, and that it kind of just came naturally because…it had to.

I’m sure you’ll do great!

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