Post # 1
Having a wedding when the economy and fuel costs are of concern for many folks, is starting to make me feel like a guilty witch.
We have a number of people flying in for our late September wedding and, though we’re not really having a destination experience, we are having our shindig in a smaller town an hour away from the city – all guests will be driving and many are spending the night there in hotels.
Our best man recently lost his job, my Future Mother-In-Law has been cut back hours at her work, and all of this focus on us and all this spending, though frugal, is making me feel like the evil and wealthy Mr. Burns from the Simpsons or something. No one has complained, and I think many are excited for the big day but I can’t help feeling sheepish about it all.
Care to comiserate?
ps. I’m not really evil or wealthy or a witch.
Post # 3
Fingers crossed that the economy isn’t quite so in the toilet by this time next year…
Post # 4
Just do the best you can to minimize your impact. Maybe you could consider carbon offsets in lieu of favors.
I have to admit, I share a little of your feeling… then I remember my grandparents getting married during the depression, and the great stories they had to tell about it, and I just think that life goes on– even in the hard times.
Post # 5
It’s not so much that what we’re doing isn’t "green" because most of the choices we’ve made are eco-friendly and we’ve been conscious of that during the process, it’s more about asking others to spend/travel in a difficult time.
Post # 6
I am right there with you. We live and are getting married in Atlanta, and most of our guests will be coming from the Northeast, where we are both originally from. I feel so guilty about how much everyone is spending to come, but I am so appreciative and humbled that they are. Everyone keeps reassuring me that if they can’t afford it, they won’t come, but still. And along those lines, we are definitely expecting more declines due to cost. The plus side? Because of that, we haven’t had to wrangle with our guest list…we invited everyone we wanted to invite!
I guess the solution is just to make sure everyone knows just how happy you are that they’re there, and try your best to make sure they have a great time.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2018 - Auberge du Soleil
I feel the same way. Having a destination wedding means that many friends and family are either sacrificing to come or can’t come. I’m also worried that people are RSVPing yes and that when they realize how much plane tickets will cost they will change their minds…
Post # 8
I feel a bit guilty about it, but I’m also feeling the pinch, hence a small wedding. The economy is a factor in why we’re having our wedding close to both of our families, rather than the city we’d love to have it in. Our friends have a little bit more to spend on travel, and those closest will come anyway (the’d better! 😉 My Future Mother-In-Law is now unexpectedly out of a job when her employer retired early, and my FFIL’s company is a bit shaky, so keeping family able to attend was top priority. The travel that some guests will undertake we hope to offset by choosing local food and flowers, keeping the silly plastic things out, etc. Weddings in general aren’t very ecological, but we can try
Post # 9
A cousin of mine is getting married in 5 weeks, and we can’t go because of the cost of flying across the country. 🙁 Another cousin was married in June (also across the country) and though it was a big strain financially, I’m so glad we were able to go. We had a great time, and they really packed the weekend full of events and fun.
I think all you can do is make sure your guests have a great time, and be sure to thank them all for joining you.
Post # 10
Since you’ve actually considered the economic situation, you are already more socially aware than many others. As long as you’re not pressuring people to come (which it doesn’t sound like), then your guests will be there because they want to be there for you. People will make sacrifices for what is important to them. I personally love to go to weddings so if I had to choose between some other luxury and a wedding, the wedding would win.
My family and friends are spread out all over the country. Almost 90% of our guests had to travel great distances to attend our wedding. We tried to make everything else as painless as possible. My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t throw a bridal shower. I didn’t have a bachelorette party. Gifts didn’t matter to us as much as being surrounded by our closest family and friends on our wedding. We let the bridal party wear their own suits instead of tuxedos.
Post # 11
I agree with Ms. Pom. It is very socially conscious of you to think about this, which puts you ahead of the game. Guests will come because they want to be there, not because they feel like they have to. If guests can not afford to attend, they will not. Making some choices such as choice of attire for attendants (I was in a wedding were the only requirement was a black dress and it looked lovely), skipping showers and providing transportation for guests (we have a shuttle so that they don’t have to rent cars), among others are great ways to cut back if you have the budget or feel compelled to do so.
All of that being said, when times are tough, having a reason to celebrate can lift peoples’ collective spirits. Like doctorgirl said, people got married during even more dire times and emerged with beautiful stories to tell:)
Post # 12
I have to throw this one out there … think of how you’re helping the economy, as most wedding vendors are independent contractors!
60% of our guest list will have to fly to our wedding. Not everyone will, and for those who do we’re trying to make it as easy on them as possible. But, I’ve been in the same situation – I was just so overjoyed to be at my friend’s wedding, I don’t think about how much it cost to be there (a truly scary thought). All I hope for is that our guests feel the same.
I’d also like to think I’m not an evil witch, and I KNOW I’m not wealthy …
Post # 13
Like all the other brides on this post- I too feel the guilt. My parents went back and forth about throwing a wedding and even who to invite- they know a lot of people aren’t in a position to give a gift and then drive to our location (our locate is an hour away from most, not far… but still).
Personally, I wanted to elope in Italy- my parents said they would throw us a wedding or give us the money for our wedding to spend however we chose (it was a genenrous gift). My fiance has sentimental parents sooo we ended up having a wedding!
I hate the guilt.
Post # 14
i have less than happy thoughts myself. so far, we assume that those who can not afford to make it to our wedding won’t. we haven’t cut our guest list bc of this and i’m beginning to think that over 50% won’t.
i do feel bad for one of my bms who will be flying in. i know that was a stretch for her and am very grateful that she was willing to do it.
however, i’m more concerned with how we are going to cover the meager costs we are accumulating. we are paying for our wedding ourselves and the economy has affected us quite personally. for example, a lot of my disposable income goes in my gas tank bc i’m a commuter. i gas up at least 2x a week. the job market is stagnant where i am so getting a job closer to home did not pan out. quitting the one i did have was not optional.
as i get closer to the date, i have begun to wonder if we should make some changes to the meager preparations we have arranged.
Post # 15
What I feel really guilty about is all the wedding party extras. I feel bad that everyone has to come in for showers and b-parties on both sides. I would be just as happy sitting in my house with a bottle of wine playing board games, but I think everyone wants to do more.
I am grateful becuase I know they WANT to do these things for me, I just feel bad that it is costing everyone so much.
Post # 16
I can totally relate. Our wedding is a year away and I am already buying up everything that goes on sale. I know that everything is going up… except my paycheck so I’m hoping to get a head start on whatever inflation might occur between now and then. When we first got engaged, our reception site was $50 cheaper,and table linens were $1 cheaper each. I have family driving from colorado, canada, connecticut, and all parts of the state. On a budget of 5,000, we’ve had to push back the wedding twice. lol I’ve applied for every giveaway and radio dream wedding I could get my hands on. As luck would have it, lucky in love does not mean lucky in wealth. And I guess I would rather have it that way.