(Closed) anyone else terrified of getting married? please tell me marriage is good…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you never know until you start living with him. I just got married a week ago, but Fiance and I have lived together for a year and a half now. Somtimes it is a lot of work, and you’ll find yourself insituations that are NOT easy. Overall, though, it has changed our relationship for the better. 

ETA: I don’t mean to scare you by saying how much work it is. Most of the time we have a lot of fun, and I love being around him all the time. Sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes it’s super fun. πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@misabell: Yeah. I hated not being able to go to bed next to him every night and when he would leave to go back to his dad’s house. It’s better to be around him most of the time and go to bed next to him, but occasionally it does get hard being around each other 24/7.

Post # 6
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Just make sure you both have your own friends/hobbies, so that you have time for yourself as well as time together. A lot of the time when we argue, it’s because we’ve spent too much time cooped up in the house.

Post # 7
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Everyone is in the same boat, there is no way to predict the future. However, marriage is what you make of it! 

Congratulations!

Make sure you get some good pre-marital counseling that covers all the big shot issues of children, finances, beliefs, etc etc. So you don’t get married and have all the surprises come out along the way.

As for being virgins- from you wedding night forward will be a wonderful addition that really helps you guys grow physically and emotionally with each other. I waited and it was worth it πŸ™‚  

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your mom having three divorces shouldn’t make you afraid of marriage! I mean, think about it…even if she hadn’t gotten married, those breakups still would of happened, right? Marriage does not cause a relationship to go bad, that seems like a silly idea to me. I guess it’s hard for me to imagine being afraid of marriage.

Post # 9
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

All the girls commented made great points. Im on the same boat as you. My mom and dad have a terrible marriage and I dont look up to them as good marriage examples.. HOWEVER- there are so many people out there that are SO happy. I dont think its going to be a peice of cake.. But I guess in Every relationship whether its marriage or just ( girlfriend-boyfriend ) situation, its hard! We always always always have to make an effort to keep things spicy, fresh and new.

With all that being said, Even though your mom had such negativity with her previous marriages, theres a lesson to be learned from all three of them. SHE KEPT GOING BACK FOR MORE. She married three times! If it was so bad adn terrible… why would she then take the plunge a second and third time? Obviously ( and in no way im trying to offend your mom or anyone ) But probably they didnt really get along or rushed into it, or God knows what happened. But I think if it was that bad, why would people really do it every single day. Its part of growing up and its ok!! it kind of like getting on a roallercoaster- you get All freaked out when your getting on it, and its a bumpy ride but in the end you feel SO GOOD for even working up the courage for even getting on. lol stupid example but hey I tried! lol good luck (:

 

Post # 10
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Marriage was the best thing to happen to our relationship, IMO. There’s a permanence that you feel, knowing that no matter what, you will work through it all. I love being married, being able to call him my husband, getting to think inside my head how glad I am that I’ll never need to be on the dating scene again when hearing the latest ridiculous story from single friends, knowing no matter what I will always have a partner in crime. I really love it πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was scared before the wedding too..I think it’s pretty normal! I love being married though and love the secure feeling that comes from being married to someone I trust with anything and can totally be myself around. 

Post # 12
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe make a promise between each other to be honest when the other is feeling down. There are a lot of responsibilities and the pressure can overwhelm. Not for everyone. I just found it. I think 1 session with a marriage counsellor before getting married. Not to pull about all the details about your life, just to be comfortable that you have someone to turn too when times get hard.

Times can be hard before you get married as well, but you can end it and go your separate ways. Not so easy to do that when you are married. Marriage is a commitment through vows and paper. The wedding is the celebrate of your dedication to each other witness to all.

You’ll be fine. I was scared too. I wanted to scream in the car to release tension because pronouncing your vows to someone (telling them that you love them is kind of personal), but saying it in front of people can be nerve racking. Is this also something that could be adding to the stress imaging the day?

Post # 14
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@misabell: Thank you for having the courage to ask this question! I’ve been wondering if it was just me but knowing other people who are in healthy relationships are nervous too makes me feel better! It’s just so permanent, I think that’s the part that freaks me out. Also the closer I get to the wedding the more I’m afraid of the wedding night as well, so I understand that fear too. 

Post # 15
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@misabell: awwww dont be scared! marriage is work but so is any relationship. i feel more at ease now that im married…. we just ‘fit’ together and our life together so far has been great!!! – we also lived together before marriage though so we kind of knew what it would be like. just go into it with the understanding that you both will be willing to work on any problems that may arise. it really does take two πŸ™‚

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