(Closed) anyone else think its BS…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

OMG I KNOW! That was the first thing FH said when we started talking about weddings… um no, my family will not be the ones footing the bill!

Post # 4
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think its an outdated concept, but I guess its just “tradition”

We are paying for a majority of our wedding, but only because I would feel weird about my family paying for it. We live together and are basically married, just without the paper.

 

Post # 5
Member
46328 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with you. I think the times are a’changing,

Traditionally, the parents of the bride-to-be have financed their daughter’s weddings. This trend presumably originated from the ancient tradition of paying a large dowry to attract a good husband.

Over the years, this tradition transformed into a more “updated” version, but the concept remained- the bride’s parents paid for the wedding.

 Today, only 27 percent of weddings are funded entirely by the parents of the bride.

Most couples contribute a large part of the financing of their wedding as not too many brides go straight from their parents’ home to marriage.

The groom’s family is also often contributing more than just the rehearsal dinner.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh, I hear you!!  My FI’s father actually made a comment to him when we first started planning, when he heard that Fiance and I were paying for everything… “you know…it’s really the bride’s family responsibility…they really should be pitching in…”

Luckily, Fiance and I are on the same page and he just gave him a crazy look and said, nope… 😛

Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Haha, in Chinese culture, it’s the GROOM who’s supposed to pay for the wedding!  Since he’s supposed to be carting his new bride off to his village, thus robbing the parents of someone to take care of them in their oldness. 

So the very first time SO and I talked about weddings he was like “you think your parents will pay?” and I said “Hell no!  YOUR parents are supposed to pay!” and then it was silent and we never talked about it again.  😛  And then I told my mom and she furrowed her brow and said “Why don’t YOU KIDS pay for it.  Jeez, mooches.” 

Post # 8
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely agree with you. It’s like people still think a bride’s family owes them a dowry or something.

FI’s parents have the same attitude. I am incredibly grateful for what parents are very generously spending on our wedding and I did not expect the in-laws to contribute…HOWEVER, I was totally peeved when his mom said it was the “bride’s family’s responsibilty to pay”….UMM…no one asked to help out anyway….so…your opinion on things is null and void (you know what I mean)…

Post # 9
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@cherrycoke: MIL tried to pull this shit w/ me when we were planning. I straight out told her, “No! Those are VERY outdated traditions”, I set that straight real quick. To this day I think that’s part of the reason she only gave us $320.

Post # 10
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My parents are both deceased. Abiding by this outdated tradition would have resulted in an incredibly minimalist event. We paid for the wedding ourselves. 

Post # 11
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I get annoyed that the wedding industry seems to assume it.  I’ve seen lots of ads that say things to the effect of “the bride loves the dress, her father loves the price.”  I also get annoyed looking at invitations.  I know you can change the wording, but the default option is the bride’s parents hosting.

Post # 12
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally agree!  My parents are paying a large amount of it and his parents did give some money for the wedding and we’re chipping in as well.  But it took me showing him in the wedding guides that the groom’s parents are, in fact, supposed to pay for part of the wedding if you go by traditional standards before he agreed to talk to his parents.  I’m not saying they should give us anything, I just mean that I had to pressure him to even talk to them about whether or not they were planning it.  I mean, c’mon!  We needed to know what our budget was.  And it shouldn’t be totally on my family to pay.  He has a HUGE family and the guest list is like 50:50.

Post # 13
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

its a foolish thing expect, in these so called “modern” times. The nerve really. Meanwhile I’m sure some of these same ppl making comments can’t even do it if they in fact were the brides parenets. In these economic times, its the COUPLES responsiblity to plan a weddin THEY can afford. If the parents can kick in great, if not, no big deal.

Post # 14
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hate the “tradition”. Before we were engaged Fiance would say that I could have whatever wedding I wanted as long as my parents paid for it. Now that we’re actually engaged, he realizes how stupid that comment was. My parents have generously given us a considerable amount of money but Fiance and I still have to pay for roughly half of our wedding ourselves. My Future Mother-In-Law has made a few comments here and there about how the brides parents are supposed to pay for the wedding. One of these days I’m going to tell her that if she feels thats whats “supposed” to happen then they can pony up the money for our honeymoon, like the grooms family is “supposed to”. 

These people need to get with the times!

Post # 15
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Agreed! My family is far from able to help pay for one wedding let alone two (my sister and I are getting married 3 weeks apart haha).. but since I’m having a pretty small wedding, which will cost no more than 5,000 and my sister is going WAY over that I told my parents to help her… Thank God I’m blessed with amazing future in-laws who are willing to help us as much as they can!

Post # 16
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@UpstateCait: Omg, I wish I would’ve remembered the honeymoon thing because I totally would’ve told her that!

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