- 5 years ago
SORRY …WAY LONGER THAN I MEANT FOR IT TO BE!
We haven’t really discussed it much because I don’t want to pressure him and am trying to just let the topic be for now, but I’m pretty sure SO is waiting to propose until he’s in a better place financially. I get this and I respect it, but it makes me nervous because I feel like I’m going to be waiting for quite some time.
I’m 24 and he’s 26. We don’t live together and won’t before marriage which makes the waiting that much harder for me. I want to have a home and build a life with him already.
He’s currently still at his first job out of college. He makes okay money but nothing amazing. It’s enough for him to live just fine, though his parents help out with bigger expenses like travel expenses to visit them, season tickets for football/basketball, & certain car reapirs. Since we first discussed marriage a few months ago, he has since been applying to higher paying jobs. He has had a couple interviews but nothing came of them. He told me this past weekend that he’s torn because he enjoys his job and is thinking about just staying there for now rather than pursuing something else. He said he really wouldn’t consider leaving unless the perfect opportunity came up.
I told him I completely understood that and want him to be happy. I know that’s important in a job and I will support him in whatever he does. But deep down, I was a little bummed. I figure this will just push back an engagement even more so.
I think a major part of it is that he thinks marriage = buying a house. I think he wants to be able to provide us a permanent home and he isn’t exactly in a place to do that right now. I want to be honest with him and tell him that can come later on down the road. I would be more than happy to live in a little 2 BR apartment with him for the time being, dang it. And with both of our salaries combined, we could live comfortably. But he has the traditional mindset that he should be the breadwinner and provide for his family as best as he can & give them the best life possible. I also know he’s probably dreading the costs of a ring, a wedding, honeymoon, etc. Though whether we want them to or not, his parents & grandparents will help out a ton with these things.
I know guys are under a lot of pressure when it comes to marriage and I know he’s just trying to be responsible, but it worries me a little. Yes, we’re young and we’ve been together less than 2 years. But we’ve also discussed that we’d like to be married 3 or 4 years before kids come along, and that we’d like to have kids around 29-31. That’s really not far off if you look at the big picture. I’m just worried if he stays at his job now, I’ll be waiting for quite some time.
I know I need to have a talk with him about our future ..I’ve just been avoiding it becuase I don’t want to pressure him. And maybe I’m worrying for nothing. Who knows ..maybe he’s secretly planning!
Anyway this was incredibly long. Is anyone else waiting due to a financial situation?