(Closed) Anyone else waiting due to finances?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I know how you feel. I feel like everytime SO and I start to really talk about him saving for the ring and me saving for a wedding, something comes up. Like, both of our cars died within 2 weeks of each other. So we both had to get new ones. Then, I was asked to leave where I was living so I moved out on my own. Now I have all those expenses on top of everything else.

I finally have a timeline -by the end of 2013, we will be engaged.

Hopefully once he gets his raise (which he was supposed to get like 2 months ago, but that is a compeltely different story) things will be easier for us.

Keep your chin up. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe soon the “perfect” opportunity for you guys will come up!

Post # 4
Member
979 posts
Busy bee

SO doesn’t make much money….so yes….and he sucks at saving. He saves, but then he takes it out and spends it – on things like food, gas..etc

Post # 5
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We chose to buy a starter home 3-4 years ago, we’ll be getting this upcoming September. So yup, we had to wait.

Post # 6
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yes, we are waiting because of money too, although our situation is a bit different. I am in grad school and working part time, my SO started his own business a couple of years ago with his parents’ financial help, and is still struggling to make a good profit. We also chose to buy a house before getting married because the timing was right, so a lot of our money went into that, and our parents helped us with that expense. Because of that, we feel like we have to wait until we can support ourselves before getting married. It’s frustrating feeling like we can’t do what we want to do (get married) until we are earning more money, but we feel like that’s the responsible decision. 

I know a lot of people think money is an excuse men use to not get married sooner, but in our case at least, we’re both in agreement regarding this situation. It sucks, but we want to be financially independent from our families before we try to plan a wedding. It wouldn’t be fair to ask them to help us while we put money towards that. 

That being said, it sounds like you guys might not be on the same page regarding what goals you want to reach before you get married. Have a conversation with your SO and let him know that you’d be ok getting married before you have a house, etc… Maybe he thinks it’s more important to you than it is.

Good luck with waiting! 

Post # 7
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think finances are a big enough deal that it’s important for you two to discuss timetables and how long it will take to meet your financial goals as a couple. Next to communication, it really is the most important thing for a marriage. That means that it should be an important part of deciding to get married! It isn’t badgering him or stealing his thunder to have a thorough understanding of finances (on both your parts) going forward. I actually think it’s irresponsible not to talk about it!

Post # 8
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@pokie45:  Boyfriend and I are still waiting due to financial reasons. He has a much better paying job than I do though, so that definitely has helped move our timeline alone nicely. As of right now our five year plan is like this:

2013: Get engaged in January and purchase our first home before the end of the year.
2014: Get married
2015 – 2016: Relax, save money, and possibly get a dog
2017: Be parents or expectant parents by the end of the year (and celebrate our 10th anniversary!)

Anything can happen to change the timeline, but I have my fingers crossed! And if I’m completely honest with myself, while I hate waiting to get engaged and start our lives together I am so incredibly grateful that we have waited this long. Money doesn’t solve your problems, but it definitely makes things a bit easier. With the amount we have saved, we can do a nice down payment (without having to pay extra insurance) and still have money left over. That makes it easier to save for a wedding, dog, baby, and other things that we’ll wind up needing.

Do your best to be patient. I know it’s tough and I have a lot of sympathy for everyone on this Board. Your guy sounds very mature and it sounds like he has both of your interests at heart.

Post # 9
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We are engaged now but it took about a year and a half longer than I wanted it to because of the same reasons you mentioned. Only I am now 28 and he is now 27. He also didnt like that I make about twice what he makes and he thought he needed to be the provider because thats how he grew up. We do live together thougb and have for 3 years. I had to explain to him that I love him for who he is not how much money he makes. He is a hard worker and is a good budgeter so I knew that wouldnt be a problem. Hang in there. Its worth the wait:)

Post # 10
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

@pokie45:  Haha, you replied to my post the other day about not living with the SO! But yeah, count me in!!!! You’re not alone! Waiting too because of finances.

SO’s still in school. Fortunately, when he’s done, he should have a pretty well paying job. He’s graduating with his Doctorates degree. So no e-ring for another year, maybe a little over a year, if all things follow through with our set timeline.

But anyways, it’ll be so worth it! Hang in there girl, I feel you!

Post # 11
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We did kind of a good mix of waiting and just doing it.  We were both in grad school when we met, and could barely pay our bills, so I did a lot of research to find a beautiful engagement ring that was also cost-effective before I proposed (we’re both women).  I also picked out rings that aren’t super expensive for my own future ring.  We are having about a 1.5 year engagement so that we can save money for the wedding…but even with that, we’re doing a budget wedding because we don’t want to wait any longer than that!  I’d so much rather be engaged and married than just waiting because we can’t afford something.

Post # 12
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, I could have written this.  My SO and I are a little older (29 and 32).  We’ve been dating for 5 years and do not live together.  I have a stable job that pays well, and he left a bad job earlier this year after searching for a new job for 2 years.  My SO’s also very hung up on being a provider, and giving his wife the ability to stay home with the kids.  That’s all fine and good, but I have no intention of leaving my job when I have kids.

The majority of this year was very stressful for him with leaving his job/finding a new one, so I kept my mouth shut and supported him as much as I could.  I didn’t want to stress him out more by talking about marriage, but I finally brought it up this week.  Despite the fact that I thought it was obvious that I wanted to get married soon, he didn’t have a clue.  In fact, he said he wished I said something sooner – that he was so sidetracked that the bigger picture hadn’t really registered. 

Now we’re on the same page, and we’ll probably get engaged in the next few months.  I’m happy about that, but could kick myself for not saying “I want to get married”, since that was all it took.

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