Post # 16
Yes, once my husband figured out what rings actually cost, he decided to delay a few more months and save. He initially saved an amount he was comfortable spending, looked at rings, and then realized he would need to double his budget to buy something he would be happy to propose with. He lived on the cheap for a few more months, bought a ring he was proud of, and proposed shortly after that.
Post # 17
Obviously I don’t know the whole story but reading through your post I couldn’t help thinking that this has nothing to do with cost and he is just using that as an excuse.
I find it ridiculous that he hasn’t received one quote in a full year, to me that indicates that he isn’t terribly serious about purchasing a ring.
Have you asked him for a timeline? How much has he managed to save in the past year?
Post # 18
I don’t think cost is the reason he’s stalling. I don’t think he wants to get married.
Post # 19
I agree with PP’s, it’s not the cost of the ring that’s making him stall. Sounds like he doesn’t want to get married.
Post # 20
Nope. My Fiance proposed with a ring that he made from our 4 year old son’s beading kit and asked me to have a ring made that I wanted. I care about appearance too, but a ring (or lack of a ring) doesn’t make us any more or less engaged.
Post # 21
Thanks for all the responses, bees! You’re all right, I definitely do need to decide what my priorities are. At this point, those are to get engaged with the ring that I plan to wear forever, set with a diamond that is my preferred shape (emerald cut). But beyond that, I want whatever will help us get engaged sooner.
I think it really is a good idea for me to contact the jeweler myself. It definitely will take a little bit of the surprise element out of the process, but at this point he’s had his chance. It’s true, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be more involved.
I really do believe that his hesitation isn’t because he doesn’t want to marry me. I know that finances stress him out a lot already, and he’s the kind of person who avoids stressful issues like that if he can, especially when it involves dealing with service people or logistical processes. I think the whole thing feels very intimidating & he keeps feeling like “oh, I’ll just feel better about the whole thing in a few months when I have more saved, I’ll get the ball rolling then.”
I really do understand why he’s been having a hard time saving money lately. We moved in the summer & that was very expensive since we ended up having to overlap leases for a month. He’s also been dealing with very stressful health problems for quite a while that culminated with him having surgery a couple months ago, which has also been expensive. So all of that together cost several thousand dollars that I know would have otherwise gone to my ring.
Post # 22
I think if he was ready to be married and serious about saving he would have at least looked into the price of the ring. Or maybe based on the original consultation he’s decided it’s too much and doesn’t want to propose now because you’re expecting something in a $3k to $4k range.
Is a $4k ring manageable with his salary? Or is he making like $30k year or something?
Post # 23
I love PPs idea to buy a CZ or something cheap and then upgrade down the line. I get the sentimental aspect but would you rather wait 5 more years for the ring of your dreams or for your man to propose? My guess is you’d rather wait on the ring than the proposal.
Post # 24
Has he saved anything already? If he has and you are tired of waiting, he could take what he has saved and buy a nice stone and set it in a simple setting, with a plan to upgrade the setting. Or vice versa, get a lovely setting with a smaller stone or non-diamond gemstone and replace with a diamond on a special anniversary, etc.
I disagree with the bees who are saying that he isn’t serious or doesn’t want to marry. Rather I think he’s avoiding to get a quote from the jeweler because he imagines feeling embarrassed or disappointed if it comes back higher than he can afford. It sounds like “life happened” with his medical expenses and it’s causing him some financial worry at the moment.
Cost of the ring did cause a delay for us. He moved for work and had a house back home that he needed to sell (so that he could stop paying 2 housing payments each month). This took about 6 months. From there we looked at rings and it took about 6 more months of looking around for us to select one and him to purchase it. In our case I do not think he would have felt comfortable purchasing *any* ring until the house situation was resolved. Luckily he was able to talk to me about this and it did help me to be patient although waiting was hard.
Post # 25
You’re just giving excuses for him. A man that knows what he wants doesn’t stall like this for a year. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him about whether he truly wants to get engaged. Otherwise, don’t be surprised when there’s still no proposal next year.
Post # 26
If you’re only a few thousand dollars away from the ring you truly want, seriously just buy a cheap CZ (there are emerald cut CZs!) and put what you’ve already saved towards the dream ring. I know I would get frustrated that I didn’t just wait a bit longer if I could have had exactly the ring I wanted.
Post # 27
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way and I’m not trying to be snarky but you really shouldn’t be putting off a major life event for a piece of jewelry or a fancy party (read: big fancy wedding). Your priority is to get married, tell him that and pick a place holder for now. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice in times of need.
Per your situation; if he saves enough for the ring,how much longer are you going to need to save for the wedding? Another 2+ years? Are you willing to wait longer for the sequential events in your life that come after proposal? Be realistic bee, go and talk to your bf and fingers crossed for you that you’ll be engaged sooner rather than later!
Post # 28
I hope this doesn’t come off as rude, but do you have plans for how you’re paying for a wedding? For example, are your parents paying or do you plan on a smaller/courthouse wedding? Have you two discussed finances with each other?
I only ask because I think it would be disappointing to envision your wedding one way and then run into the same issue. For the most part, wedding are much more than $3-4k (not that you can’t do it for that, you just need realistic expectations).
Post # 29
The ring really shouldn’t matter. I have seen a person getting engagd with a $120.00 ring. I’m guessing he is stalling. Also if you are that worried about price of the ring, how are you going to pay for the wedding unless it is going to be at a court house? Weddings are super expensive.
Post # 30
I anticipated this being a potential issue, so when we started talking about marriage and decided on a timeline, we also talked about what budget was feasible within that timeline. My dream ring is probably over 5,000, but I want to get engaged soon, so I decided that in the end that is more important and I can always upgrade the stone in the future (gonna go with a moissanaite instead of a diamond)