Anyone else wish they could be a SAHM/housewife?

posted 2 weeks ago in Career
Post # 61
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

pinkshoes :  My husband actually talks about being a house husband lol. He would love it! 

And I’d be 100% ok with that, because I would NOT be able to be a SAHW (we aren’t sure on kids yet). 

Post # 62
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

Training to be in healtcare field like OP is. I could not do the SAHM lifestyle, too much education to spend the best careeer years at home raising kids. I DO hope to stay home long enough with any that I have before they attend preschool, mostly so I can bring them up the way I want without iPads and tv etc, with the outdoors and stuff that preschools/daycares will never bother introducing them to – currently working in paeds and you see so many kids who can’t concentrate on anything unless it’s an electronic device and knowing how they affect children long-term (more prone to ADHD and other attention deficit related disorders) I refuse to do that.

But no, long term…i feel taking yourself out of the workforce to raise children to nursery age is fine but if you’re out for a decade or more and the marriage fails, you’ve basically set yourself up for a much harder time getting back on your feet and I refuse to do that to myself.

(On the flip side, SO is also in med and a couple of years ahead of me and would love nothing more than to be a househusband and dad…)

Post # 63
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I tried it  a couple of times when my kids were really little. It was terrible. Made me lonely and depressed. No sense of purpose. I just couldn’t get excited by any of the homemaking tasks. I love my kids, but I don’t need 24 hours a day with them, every day. 

Now, if I had a part time gig that paid full time wages that I felt contributed to society, I’d be all about that.

And for all those people who decry the “nobody on their deathbed wishes they spent more time at work”… I could equally say that nobody gets to the end of their life bemoaning the fact that their toilets weren’t spotless, either. 

I don’t regret NOT being the homeroom mom or helicopter-parenting my kids. I think I chose the lessons I wanted my kids to learn & did my best to teach them.

I’m just not a kid person. Staying home all day with 1-2 kids seems like an unnecessary trial. It wasn’t for me.

Post # 64
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

pinkshoes :  If we could afford it, my husband would gladly be a SAHD.  Instead we’ll be splitting parental leave 50/50 and he is over the moon! (We’ll end up with 6 months each). We discussed this early on in our relationship because I have no interest in being a SAHM – I am absolutely terrible at domestic work and I hate doing it. I started mat leave last week, I was crying and depressed for the first couple of days as I just didn’t want to leave, I feel as if I have no purpose without my career. If DH wouldn’t have been ok with being a SAHD, it would have been a deal breaker for me. 

Post # 65
Member
5419 posts
Bee Keeper

xo_mrsbear :  

SAHM yes , at least for the first year  or two.  Stay at home ‘housewife’?   – fuck , no. 

Post # 66
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This is a 100% no from me.  I have zero desire to be a house wife.  There are so many things I want to do, and a career/volunteering is the most significant way I am able to keep my intensity in check.  I’d grow depressed from purposelessness and boredom.  

Some men and women are not like this, and I certainly cast zero judgments on other people who choose to stay at home.  They have chosen what is best for them in their life, which is exactly what I am doing for mine. 

Post # 67
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d love to be a SAHM. My son is 10 months old now and I’ll be returning to work from Mat leave in March. I’m dreading it. I have a professional career type job and will be returning full time. It’s going to cost us near £800 a month for nursery and that is only part time as we have granny daycare for 2 days a week.

ive loved being home. Didn’t think I would but I really have. 

We’re planning on baby #2 soon and I’ve said I want to stop work after that one so we’re planning the finances now.

Post # 68
Member
10528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I was a SAHW out of necessity. I was too sick to be working. I hated it, although if I were actually capable of getting out and doing things it would have been so much better.
I finally got to the point where I’m healthy enough to work part time and I’m much happier. I can’t imagine having a 9-5 job, 5 days a week even if physically I felt much better, but some of that is because of how much time and often with little notice medical appointments can take. As it is I’m often having to juggle having appointments double-booked and seeing who can fit me in another time better.

My work hours now are currently very flexible. I think even if I were magically to get 100% better where I didn’t have symptoms and all the appointments I would love to work flexible full time hours. Being free during the day to go to events or run errands is a really great perk I would miss if I had to give it up fully.

Post # 69
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

I would be miserable as a stay-at-home wife. I am just not the domestic type and would feel like a little kid if my husband had to provide everything for me.

Feminism is about being treated equally to men. It’s not about supporting other women just because they’re women. I don’t think it’s a good thing that women are almost always the ones who give up their careers to stay at home with the kids and do chores. That’s not a position of power, and women need to hold more powerful positions for equality to happen. It’s also important that child-rearing, cooking, and cleaning is not seen as women’s work.

Post # 70
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I would never want to be a SAHM or housewife. My mom was a SAHM until my parents got divorced when I was 5. She had a high school diploma, but no college education or work experience beyond retail type jobs. Not even her own bank account, savings, or retirement funds. She raised me and my sister as a single mom on a low paying job and drilled into us that we need to be independent. It really stuck with me. I never even considered it an option. So now that it’s in the realm of possibilities, I have no interest. My husband and I also appreciate a two-income household. 

Beyond that, I have a master’s degree and I’m the type of person who very much gains a sense of identity from my work, so I don’t think I would be happy not having a paying job (although I do think our society needs to recognize the value of unpaid labor, typical “women’s work”). 

On a micro level, I understand that we should be able to make choices that are best for our particular families. On a macro level, I think what we need is for jobs for both men and women to allow more flexibility for child care. Masses of women leaving the workforce only perpetuates the idea that we can’t handle it and that childcare and housework is purely a woman’s job. 

Post # 71
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

YES, I totally do! However in my situation, although I have a bachelor’s, my job has no potential for benefits/health insurance, while my husband has excellent benefits and has worked there over 13 years. He makes 3x my salary and within 2 years he will make 10x my salary, so it makes absolutely no sense for us to pay for daycare when I would like to raise our children full time. We have made major sacrifices in our standard of living to prepare for me to be a SAHM. We both work two jobs right now to save and pay off debt. We live very modestly and have made enormous strides to become debt free and have savings before we have our first baby! We drive older cars, own a modest home, buy most things used/fthrifted, and have rental properties so that this lifestyle will be possible for us one day! Fingers crossed… TTC our first since January

Post # 72
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No! We don’t have kids but the closest I’d come right now would be to work 32 hours a week (full time for health insurance benefits) and have an extra day off every week. My job has great work life balance but I know I’d be bored not working at all, plus I have a masters degree and a professional certification which I worked very hard for. I also have expensive hobbies and would feel so guilty spending my days spending money and having fun while my H busts his ass. We recently started paying a house cleaning service and get blue apron so I no longer feel like I spend my weekends keeping up with housework. I imagine if we have kids I’ll drop down to a 32 hour week and we would get a nanny. I would maybe take an extended mat leave but I can’t imagine staying home. 

I make good money but my husband makes way more than me and has the potential to make a lot more in the future. We talked about a certain salary level where I could stop doing my professional job but would hopefully work close to full time for a nonprofit but making way less. He would love to be a stay at home dad but our standard of living would change significantly so I don’t think that will work. 

My mom was a sahm and now a housewife and I can honestly say that her life is so boring. She doesn’t make any effort to have a fulfilling life though (volunteering, etc). I feel like my dad busts his ass working while she sits on Facebook and goes out to lunch with her friends. She seems happy so that’s fine but that would never work for me. She has no skills and no higher education and I’m very grateful that my parents raised me to be the way I am.  

Post # 73
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

I don’t ever plan to be.

My mom was a SAHM for a few years and she absolutely cherished it. She was pretty old-fashioned though, making nearly all our food from scratch (even the brad and pasta!), gardening some of our own food, she made some of our clothes, etc. She while she wasn’t “working,” she really did some hard work and honed some skills in those years. She always had a good group of friends who lived in the neighborhood with kids the same age, so it was never lonely for her. 

It works for some people, it doesn’t for others. It depends on who you are as a person AND your life situation. There is no definite “right” or “wrong.”

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