Post # 1
My fiance is a mama’s boy, but of course he won’t admit it. And it drives me nuts! She has access to his bank account, used to do all of his laundry before we moved in together, and is constantly telling him what he should be doing (always prefaced with “You can do what you want, but…). And every time she calls him “baby boy,” I cringe inside.
It hasn’t caused any issues yet, as his mom and I get along very well, but I’m concerned it might in the future. Anyone else in the same boat?
Post # 3
I dated a mama’s boy once and we split up shortly after it all came tumbling out. I know you don’t think this is causing turmoil now, especially since you get along with your Future Mother-In-Law, but there are some boundaries that can’t be crossed once you are married. Like, having access to bank accounts. Plus, after you’re married it may throw some of these issues into starker light, like realizing that now you feel that your husband should be devoting time to you that he is still devoting to his mother since the issue was never handled before, and things like that.
Post # 6
I’ve dated momma’s boys and it nearly killed me.
I think the thing that shocked me most when reading this was that she has access to his bank accounts.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY?!
Good luck with all of that. I hope he always puts you first.
Post # 7
@CherryA: Oh heavens no. That would have actually been a dealbreaker for me. His mom will always be there with her opinion until the day she dies, you really want to sign up for that???
Her having access to a grown man’s bank acct would have been the red flag for me to be running for the door imo.
Post # 8
Dated a momma’s boy once before and decided never to do it again.
Wait til you have kids. You need to cut the cord before it’s too late.
Post # 9
I thought my husband was a mama’s boy. After reading this, I don’t think he is.
She has access to his bank accounts? That is insane and I would be putting my foot down now about your expectations after you are married. This could get really ugly really fast. The laundry thing isn’t that big of a deal, but the baby boy thing totes creeps me out. I call my dog baby boy.
Good luck with this one!
Post # 10
My EX husband was a mama’s boy. Hence, the EX. She would massage his head when she would come over our place.. I got sick to my stomach. The kicker was.. I asked my ex before we split up a hypothetical question.. if his mother and i were drowning, who would he save? he didn’t answer. I filed the divorce papers a month later. Good luck, girl!
Post # 11
He does put me first. It’s her behavior that annoys me more than anything else. And he did tell me that once we’re married, the bank account closes. It’s just “easier” for them to pay each other back for things (because, you know, we can’t just treat her to dinner when we go out). And that’s not an excuse, because as you could probably tell from my original post, I think it’s ridiculous. Neither of my parents have ever had access to my bank account.
Post # 12
To be fair, I still have an account my dad has access to, he doesn’t go in there unless he has to for some reason (usually I ask him to). We just use it to help each other out sometimes since we both don’t make a lot and get paid on vastly different schedules. Also he administrates the paying of my student loans since I’m abroad and makes it way less of a PITA. I dump the money in, he writes the actual check and whatnot.
Just pointing out it isn’t the most unreasonable thing ever to share an account with a parent, I guess.
But yeah, agreed with PP, I’d probably confront him on that before making any serious commitments. Make sure he’d always put me first, etc. I have the opposite situation myself, I always have to ask Fiance to be nicer to his mom.
Post # 13
@nursemel: I absolutely do want to sign up for it. Because, yeah, this aspect is annoying, but he’s also the most carring, funny, smartest, goofy, attractive man I have ever met in my life. He makes me feel loved and special every day, even when I’m in a cruddy mood and being a total b*tch to him.
I guess the point of my post was to maybe find someone who could commiserate with me about this.
Post # 14
@CherryA: Well maybe sit him down for a serious talk. Start if off by saying your realize how important his mother is to him and you admire that he loves his mother so much BUT…a successful marriage has no room for another person butting in, making decisions and giving unwanted advice all the time. Let him know your concerns about his mother in regards to your marriage. Tell him that him still having an acct that she has access to really concerns you and the fact that you are both planning your wedding should be a sign that either that account is closed or she no longer have access. That this stage of his life is preparing for a life with YOU, not his mother caring for him.
Make sure you let him know that you love his mother and are no way trying to keep him away from her or anything like that, but that you are not only planning the wedding, but the marriage as well and this is something that could cause some serious bumps in the road later on.
Post # 15
Not to the point where it’s a negative, but Fiance, and actually, I think all my exes, respect their moms a lot.
I see it as a bad sign when a man doesn’t respect his mom, unless she’s done something really horrible.
ETA: Sounds like your guy’s mom is too intrusive. I think. Why would she need access to his bank account? Like full access, not just withdrawal privileges?
FI’s mom always has opinions on anything he tells her he does or is planning to do, and they have pet names for each other (not as cringe-worthy as “baby boy,” but a pet name can be just that). She has had withdrawal-only privileges on one account before because it was the easiest way at that time to give her the money he wants to give her (he takes care of her financially…yes I am comfy with that). It’s not a problem for us because he will never say “we/I have to do what my mom wishes”. He can be very firm with her when it really matters – he can absolutely say “No” to her if he wants, no matter what she does. He also has the wisdom to avoid many topics that she doesn’t need to know about and proclaim her opinion on.
Since Fiance cares for his mom financially, in some ways I see this as how I can expect him to care for our future kids. He’s a good son so I think he’ll make a good father.
Post # 16
Mixing in-laws and finances just sounds like it’s going to turn out poorly in one way or another.