- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2015
[ Sorry – uber long post! ]
Ok to preface my venting, I’ve always been a planner and so are my friends. We always make weekend plans at least a few days before the actual weekend. My SO is not a short-term planner (more on that later) or a doer who gets the little things done. For our time spent together, he’s happy doing whatever, even if it’s nothing, and that’s partly why he never feels the need to plan. I, on the other hand, enjoy doing activities once in awhile or trying new places.
Today was one of those days where I feel like I do everything even though he jokes that he is always doing everything. I’ve asked him for weeks to take care of changing the registration on his car, etc. so we could move the car to my apt and use it on weekends. But he always has some excuse for not doing it. I do all the work looking up the info like requirements, the location of the nearest DMV, yet he still protests and complains. I don’t want to nag him to do it since it makes me feel bad. I’m torn between just letting it go and being like fine, I don’t care if you get your car registered and I’m not gonna do all the work involved with it anymore. But then if I don’t push him, we won’t have the car for like 6 months due to his lack of initiative.
Which made me think again as to how he never makes reservations for restaurants or looks up details on stuff to do for the weekend. For example, I’m going over to his place on Friday so I asked if he wanted to be in charge of planning our dinner. I’m the one who plans dinner, both cooking and dining out, like 95% of the time. His reaction is “noooooo.” We’ve been talking about going ice skating this season so I was the one who looked up a rink, its location and hours, etc. (this is what always happens). I brought up restaurant week and of course I’m the one picking a restaurant and making the reservation b/c he told me to do whatever I want.
I get that whoever suggests the plan is the one who does the work for it. But it’s always ME. For once why can’t he be the one who says hey I made a reservation for X restaurant. Or even, let’s do this on Saturday and then follow through with it. I go out of my way to get things done that benefit both of us. I don’t recall the last time that he ever planned anything for us. Needless to say, it’s been almost a year together and we’ve never gone on a weekend getaway. Even for gifts, I had to research my own Christmas gift and now my own future e-ring b/c he can’t be bothered to learn the basics. I do everything!!!
I’m not saying that he doesn’t love me or do other things for me. He shows his love in other ways (I think the practical love language?). But I’m tired of always having to tell him what to do and doing all the work in the relationship while in his head he thinks that he’s already doing everything b/c he stresses about his career. He loves to plan out the future but not in a concrete way where things actually get done. And I spend plenty of time working on my job prospects too so I can contribute more money to our future. I volunteer, blog and write in my spare time, on top of everything else. I feel like he doesn’t understand or appreciate that I have alot of my own things going on and that I also do alot for our relationship.
Anyway, please share your own experiences if you can relate. My SO and I communicate just fine so I will be discussing this issue with him. Already did before, that’s why I know some of his rationale behind his behavior, but it’s bugging me again obviously. I don’t expect him to change. I just wish that since he knows how I feel about this issue, that he would step out of his comfort zone just a little to surprise me or take the initiative, ya know?